The Golden Sun One Shot Panoply
by VilyaSage
Summary: The one and only OSP! Chapter 15 by Alexditto! Jenna's bored and wants someone to hang with...but everyone else is reading some dumb book or other! What'll she do? Check this out--you won't regret it! (Also see the long list of authors inside!) Vil
1. Intro: What in Weyard is going on?

The Golden Sun One-Shot Panoply 

By: Kadevi-chan, Akiko, Elena, Midnight C, Triad Orion, Village Idiot, Lumino Zero, Vilya, Griffinkhan, Jupiter Girl, heatherthegreatone, Feonyx and Azusasan.

Note: The above are the people who replied 'yes' when I asked 'would you?' Hopefully, they'll all have a contribution to make to this.

This is the Golden Sun Author Project, that it is! (Also called GS One-Shot Panoply—credit to Kadevi for the name!) I asked all the above authors if they thought it was a good idea to have a sort of…compilation fic. Everyone writes a one-shot that can be about _anything_ (though I forgot to say no slash or anything like that in the email, but I'm saying it now!) and I'll post it, in the order they come, as a chapter! 

It's like one big ol' ficcy from everyone! Be aware that none of the chapters will most likely have anything to do with one another. To get you started laughing, here's a short scene with Kraden and a duck. (I read this somewhere before, in a different GS fanfic, I just don't remember whose, so if it's yours, thanks for making a little scene in your story that had me laughing until I was in tears!)

Kraden and the Duck 

Kraden was sitting on a rock in the Sea of Time. The other Adepts had dumped him there, afraid to let him into Lemuria a second time. Well, he'd show them! He'd get there even if he had to swim!

That said, he stuck his toe into the water. It was cold! So much for that plan.

He sat on the rock some more until a duck swam by. It was yellow with an orange bill and feet.

Kraden looked at the duck.

The duck looked at Kraden.

Kraden looked at the duck.

The duck looked at Kraden.

This went on for several minutes. 

Finally, Kraden opened his mouth and began to speak.

"We're on a quest to unseal Alchemy, you know. Alchemy is the foundation of everything—the four elements, Water, Wind, Fire and Earth, make up everything. Alchemy has amazing powers, such as…"

Kraden spent a minute and three-fifths reciting the powers of Alchemy.

The duck looked at Kraden. 

Kraden looked at the duck. It spoke.

"Quack."

Kraden shrugged and continued talking. 

"And now I've got to find Isaac and Garet and tell them to stop trying to stop us, you see, because we _need_ to light the lighthouses or else the world will fall apart and I won't get to show the world my compasses!"

Kraden held up what we know as a wristwatch. Only much larger. And about three hours and twenty-two minutes slow.

"North is almost never in the right place, but when it is, the compass works!"

The duck looked at Kraden.

Kraden looked at the duck.

The duck said, "Quack."

It swam away.

THE END 

Ok! Like it? it's supposed to be funny, though the version I read was funnier. Alrighty, head on to chapter one and see what you think!!!


	2. Remember the Joy: by Kadevi chan

The Golden Sun One-Shot Panoply 

P/N (Poster's Notice): This first chapter is from Kadevi-chan! It's a birthday fic for Akiko (whose birthday was…sometime…)! Note to all of you, I didn't go through and edit typos on these chapters (except my own, because I typed it, and such), so if they're there, they're there. Enjoy!!! (Look for chapter two sometime around the seventeenth.)

**~~~**

**Remember the Joy**

A fanfiction dedicated to Akiko on her birthday – may all your dreams come true, this year and for all years after!! 

_By Kadevi_

~~~

He sat with his back against the small tree, watching the gradual lighting up of the skies. He was alone – at that moment, anyway. The others were asleep, and wouldn't wake for some hours yet. This was the only moment in his day when he would get to celebrate his own birthday. _Why would I want to tell them, anyway? They'll make a big deal out of it. They don't need to know, besides; wouldn't care a whit if I told them or not._

So many years... there was actually only once, in his memory, when his birthday had been celebrated. Before that one year, he'd been the outcast of his small village, in some nondescript place in the snowy mountains. After that, the timing had just never been right to celebrate with her – either he was gone or she was called away or they were both just too busy with the annual sickness plaguing Imil to think about birthdays and happiness and fun for a day. And then even after that, there was the incident when he'd met Saturos and Menardi... and then watching over Felix, the two girls, and the old man, and not to mention Saturos and Menardi snapping daily at him...

Well, there wasn't an after yet. But soon there would be. After some time passed, there would be an 'after.'

But for now... he contemplated. And as he thought, his focus shifted from the 'now' to the past...

_*~*~*~Flashback~*~*~*_

He woke up slowly, as usual, letting his muscles accustom themselves to his state of waking before swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and standing to get ready for the new day. First the loose white leggings, then his boots, and after wriggling his violet tunic over his head, Alex tied his white sash around his waist and securely tucked his dagger into it. Healers always had need of a sash, and though it was too bad this one was white, he hadn't found enough time to get one of a different color yet. Belatedly, he reached for his dark blue scarf and wrapped it around his neck. His hair, as always, only needed a little straightening out with his fingers so they wouldn't become a tangled mess by the end of the day.

Even though it was his birthday, Alex wasn't expecting anything. After all, the villagers in his _former_ home hadn't even cared enough to deliver him properly to Imil, instead only dumping him at the steps of the Lighthouse with no food and water. Although that _had _been in plenty around him.

So he sat down in his little room connected to the Sol Sanctum and ate his breakfast (Peppered Stew and a fresh loaf of bread), preparing himself mentally for another round of healing around Imil, by himself save for Mia. The other children in Imil found him odd and stayed away from him.

It really was no mystery why the others might find him and Mia odd. They were both quiet for their age, with Alex barely twelve and Mia not even, and to the others, spent too much time thinking. That, and the fact that they had special powers to heal people scared them. Contradictorily, those same powers were also envied by them because everyone in the village was so very thankful for Mia and Alex's presence, and the other youngsters in the village wanted that attention as well.

After finishing breakfast, he swept out Sol Sanctum to keep it dust-free in the case that anyone needed to rest inside, and finally he was allowed a moments rest before he had to start his rounds across Imil. Stepping outside, he yawned-

And promptly swallowed a ball of snow. Looking up, he saw the very person who'd thrown the snowball at him.

Enraged, he began shouting. Or attempting to shout. "Whrrtu thoo rha heur, Viha?!"

Mia giggled, amused, at Alex's snow covered face. "I didn't know you could look so fetching dressed in snow, Alex!" She laughed, barely able to stand. He coughed out the rest of snow and stomped towards her, enraged.

"I came out here to _rest_, not to have snow for lunch!"

She only smiled, cheeks pink from the cold. "Of course you're not having snow for lunch- you are coming with me!" She dragged him with her to the frozen river that separated Imil into two sections (except for the bridge that connected them, of course) and then they slid into the cave easily, fitting a pair of blades to their boots and tying them on securely to use as skates. And though he griped and complained and tried to go back the way he came, his curiosity overcame him and he followed her.

Inside was a much-changed scene. Instead of a floor bare of anything but ice, there was a blanket anchored in the middle by four icy pegs to what floor there was. On that blanket were several plates of food, all Alex's favorite. A delighted smile lit up his face as he stopped by the blanket.

Happy birthday, Alex!" Mia cried happily, running into him from behind. Seeing as how she had purposely not stopped when he had, they slid into the glowing blue wall of the cave with a crash. But even this was not enough to dampen his spirits.

"We-we're- you're celebrating my birthday?" Alex asked, amazed. He pulled himself off the ice and plopped onto the blanket, blue eyes bright with excitement. No one had ever cared enough about him to celebrate his birthday with him, either...

"Of course!! I already went through our rounds, so now we have all day to celebrate. Isn't that wonderful?" She asked warmly, blue eyes shining as well. Alex only grinned and began eating with enthusiasm.

"Let's go outside and have a snowball fight!" Mia suggested gaily, once they had finished their most delicious meal. Flavored by happiness as it was, Alex couldn't help but like it, and finished every morsel of his share of the food.

"..."

"Oh, come on, Alex! It'll be fun!" Mia insisted. When he shook his head again, Mia sighed reluctantly, "Well, I suppose if that's what you want..." She remarked dubiously. She clambered to her feet, skates already tied to her boots, and left the iced-over cave. Alex rolled his eyes and skated after her.

Right into a sparkling white missile.

Her laughter echoed loudly in the clear winter air. "I never knew you liked eating snowballs _that_ much!" She squealed, spinning happily on the frozen river.

"What are you doing _this_ for?! I already told you I didn't want you throwing anymore things into my face!"

"This is fun!" She tried discreetly to throw a second snowball at him, but he managed to catch it and gave chase, kicking off the skate blades as he went.

"Come back here, Mia!!" He hollered, finally running with complete abandon and not caring who saw them.

"See if you can't catch me first!" Mia shouted, throwing another snowball at Alex and then speeding away through the snow surprisingly quickly towards the Mercury Lighthouse. He dodged the missile and ran after her, eyes sparkling with contained laughter. The door opened automatically for her as she cast Ply, and she leapt through a curtain of sparkles from the spell, Alex following.

The walkway's faintly glowing bricks lit their way, and they raced through several rooms without slowing down a little, climbing stairs with little effort and giggling and laughing with wild exuberance. Finally they reached a room where Mia jumped onto the stone that would lead them up another flight of stairs. However, before she could complete her leap to the other side, Alex jumped onto her from behind and they both tumbled into the water.

"Look! You got my robes all wet!" Mia complained good-naturedly, trying to wring out the cloth without taking it off. She had no luck whatsoever trying to complete her task.

"Well, you're the one who wanted to race in here! Of course we'd get wet!" Alex retorted cheerfully. In reality, neither much cared, only emerging from the water laughing even harder than before. All of a sudden, Mia grinned mischievously, agreeing that 'of course Alex is right.' He watched her, suspicious. When she got _that _look on her face, it would do nothing good to remain in her presence. And sure enough, just as Alex made to run for the door, Mia splashed a handful of water at him, making him yelp and fall back in the water.

"Mia!" He complained, and soon the water fight ensued with both emerging as designated winners and both dripping wet enough to begin their own lake.

After drying out, they ran back outside, bending down to scoop snowballs now and then to throw at each other. Psynergy was too precious and much-used to use it generously to make snowballs, but they didn't really need it to help them anyway.

Finished with their playing, both unanimously agreed to go back to the lighthouse, this time going all the way to the top so they could watch the fleeing sun and the moon rising in the east. Both of them stood silently, their heads outlined by shadows and the faint light of the stars high above them, beyond the skies.

"Look!" Alex burst out, pointing. "That's a star formation."

"Miss Lenia said they're called comstellamalations!" Mia quipped.

"I think it's constellations, Mia..."

"Oh. Constellations," she stretched out, testing the new word on her tongue. "Which one do you think it is?"

"I'm sure it is Lady Luna. See, if you connect those two up there, and put it to that bright one there, and then go down like that, you have her hair. And see, those two brightest stars are her eyes, and those make her robes, and then her wings around her, see?"

"Wow... I never looked at that before!" Mia exclaimed. "I wish _I_ could have wings! Or no, better yet, I wish I could be an angel of the water, so I could swim so fast and glide like the birds in the sky do in the air! I would be like a fish!" She sighed.

Alex didn't say anything, but his eyes watched her, warming to her like he'd done for no one else. _You are already an angel, Mia..._

Back at Sol Sanctum, Mia and Alex both stood outside.

"You should go inside first, Mia. I'm going to check around the village to make sure no one else needs healing," Alex told her, voice brooking no argument.

"Well, if you insist..." She pouted. Even after such a long day of wild activities and running around (and that swim in the lighthouse), her long hair remained as straight and beautiful as ever, with not even a knot tangling any single strand. It already reached her waist, a beautiful shining mass that resembled the waterfalls that fell so mysteriously in Mercury Lighthouse.

Alex grinned. "I insist. You already did your share this morning anyway."

An angelic smile graced her lips again, one of the many she'd beamed at him that day. "Well, alright. Happy birthday." At that, Alex nodded his thanks, and turned to begin his walk to the inn.  A warm hand grasped his, so he turned around to see what she needed, opening his mouth as he did so to ask the very question even before his thoughts formed the words.

And quite unexpectedly (for him anyway), her mouth met his in a most breathtaking kiss.

For that moment, all time froze for him. All he could feel was the burning sensation of her hands on his neck and hand, her warm lips caressing his not unlike how water felt against his skin on warm days. He was aware that her eyes were closed, but for the life of him couldn't close his own eyes, so wide they were with shock. The snow that was beginning to fall around them only made the scene more breathtaking and unreal than it already was. And even though neither of them were any much experienced at romance because of their young age, Alex could honestly tell himself that this was the most pleasing sensation he'd felt in all his young life.

Finally, time resumed again.

She watched his shock with sapphire-colored eyes that sparkled in the moonlight. Alex felt like he couldn't breathe, he was so amazed at what had just happened. She smiled again, tightening her hold on the hand that she held.

"Good night, Alex," she whispered. "Sweet dreams." She entered Sol Sanctum, closing the door behind her.

_*~*~*~End Flashback~*~*~*_

A feather-light touch against his cheek made Alex open his sleepy eyes. _I fell asleep..._ he realized groggily.

The vision that greeted him made his heart stop. _Mia? But... she's... who knows where she is, but not here!_

"I'm sorry things had to turn out this way between us, but... I won't ever forget you," the vision whispered. Fingers brushed a long strand of hair from his face. Fingers that seemed so real, but held a whisper to them... dreamlike. It probably was a dream. Even Mia, forgiving as she was, would not have forgiven him without an explanation as to _why_ he had broken their sacred vows as members of the Mercury Clan and lit the Lighthouse. Even though it was to help her... and to help all Adepts, eventually. But he so wished that she would say those words to him, in that loving voice. Still he loved her... though he knew he should not, _could_ not. "Happy birthday, Alex."

His eyes fluttered closed even as he battled slumber, and he felt fatigue and exhaustion creep up onto him again, drawing him into the darkness of sleep.

"Alex... Alex! Wake up! What are you doing, sleeping out here? A monster could have attacked you! And Menardi and Saturos would have your hide again for wandering out alone, by yourself," Felix snapped. Jenna and Sheba stood back, watching the Venus Adept with wide eyes. He rarely showed this much emotion at any time. Kraden, meanwhile, was just trudging up the slope in their direction. Evidently, Menardi and Saturos had not yet awakened.

"I wasn't sleeping," Alex remarked tonelessly, brushing the snow off his leggings. "Just thinking." _Just remembering the joy. Remembering Mia._

"Well, it's time to get going," Felix said more quietly, mollified by the Mercury Adept's emotionless response. As soon as the two other Mars Adepts joined them, they trudged away, mere shadows against the rising sun that they walked towards.

Discreetly, Alex scanned the white landscape around them. Nothing – only stretching vast plains of grasses and the occasional tree. _That could never have been Mia... she hasn't caught up to us yet, and... well... she probably hates me by now, considering what I did._

He sighed and continued, step by step, farther away from the carefree joys of the past, and deeper towards his destined purpose.

**~~~**

Kadevi 


	3. Never Again: by Jupiter Sprite

The Golden Sun One-Shot Panoply  
Various Authors Listed in Intro

P/N: Hi again all! Apologies if italics and such do not show up on this chapter, if they do I'll replace it when I get the laptop back (it has that virus…that makes it shut down all the time…and stuff). And back when I got this, Jupiter Girl was still Jupiter Girl and not Jupiter Sprite, which she is now. Get it? Got it? I really hope so.

Firstly, credit does go to Griffinkhan for the scene with Kraden and the duck. It had me laughing until I cried and fell off the chair, Griff. Congrats. And please do hurry with that submission, yeah. After this, Akiko and myself, I'm out of stuff.

Secondly, to **Smurf Cat**, certainly, join in. Most definitely! More people are always welcome, that they are! 

On to the story we go!!  
*****  
**Never Again**  
by Jupiter Girl 

A/N: This takes place after both games; Vale has been rebuilt. Sheba's moved in, and Ivan's there... um... visiting. Yeah. ^^;;; This one's got some fluff, but it's angsty. Just warning you. And I don't own Golden Sun or The Lost Age! 

Sheba sat on her bed and cried. Was there no place she could be happy? Their adventure was over. Now was the time for the fairy-tale ending, the happily-ever-after. Why had it never happened for her? 

Her first thought had been to return to Lalivero. But there she wasn't Sheba; she was a child of the gods, a precious treasure to be guarded and doted over. She didn't want that life. 

She had thought Vale would be different. She had friends here, and she was surrounded by other Adepts. Not Jupiter, but Adepts nonetheless, and Ivan could always visit if she missed her element too much. And she was happier. Happier, but not entirely content. She missed her family. If it even existed. She longed for someone who would care for her. Ivan was orphaned, like she assumed she must be, but he had a sister. Sheba had no such luck. 

Her heart felt like there was a giant hole torn in it, a missing piece. Would she ever find it? 

She cried. 

"Sheba?" Ivan's soft voice sounded through the door. "Are you all right?" Sheba took a deep breath, stood, and walked to the door of her room. She opened it and looked at him through tear-filled eyes. 

Gently, he led her back to her bed and sat down beside her. He looked at her with eyes full of concern. "I hate seeing you like this." 

Sheba leaned into him, breathing in his scent as she sobbed into his chest. It was Ivan. She would be all right. Sometimes she thought he was the only thing keeping her sane. They had so much in common, and their friendship was so strong. She felt like he was an extension of herself. Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around him. She didn't ever want to let go. 

He let her cry, holding her gently. When she was done, he unfastened her hands from around his waist. He didn't let go of them. 

"Sheba?" 

"Ivan." She looked into his eyes. He was so close... 

"I love you, and I don't want to see you like this. I don't want you to be sad like this anymore." 

"I won't." She loved him so much. 

"Never again?" He drew closer. 

"Never again." 

He placed his fingertips under her chin, and kissed her. 

Sheba felt a tingling warmth spread through her. This was so right. She had never known anything in her life like what she felt for Ivan. She just wanted to be with him. The hole in her heart began to fill. 

Maybe Vale wasn't so bad after all. 

***

The next day, Ivan was dead. 

Thieves had attempted a raid on the town, and the house Ivan was staying in was the first they came to. When help arrived, it found the last of the thieves retreating, and Ivan dead with a knife in his back. He had taken 13 of their number down with him. 

The whole of Vale was talking about it. Many offered Sheba sympathy, and she politely accepted it - she never felt any of it. She hadn't seen her friends all day, either; it wasn't surprising. The majority of the day she spent locked in her room, trying to cry. 

She needed to cry so badly, but the tears wouldn't come. She was in shock. She felt completely numb to the world - surely, this couldn't be happening. Soon she would wake up and look into Ivan's amethyst eyes. 

She didn't. 

When the shock wore off, the sobs wracked her body so hard she was sure the whole of Vale could hear her. Her heart ached, her mind ached, her body ached. She felt like lying down and dying, and for a while she considered it. In the end, though, she decided to give life another chance. It was what Ivan would have wanted her to do. 

So she did. She remained in Vale for the next few days. She learned that Ivan's funeral was in a week. She felt empty. 

It was like a part of her was missing. Ivan had come to be like a part of her soul, and now he had been ripped away from her. She found no joy in daily pleasures, no emotion in anything. She burned her finger cooking dinner, and hardly felt the pain. She didn't eat that night. All she thought about was him. 

Finally, she came to a decision. 

The night before the funeral, she crept into the house where he had died. His body had been salvaged, but everything else remained. Searching along the floor, her fingers found the handle of a knife. The blade was tinged red with blood. 

Ivan's blood. 

Bringing the knife up to her chest, she let a single tear fall to the ground. She prayed that she was making the right decision, and that she could be happy in another world. 

"Never again, Ivan," she whispered. 

***

Hours before the funeral, they found Sheba's body. 

Next to it, there was a note. 

_I wanted to say sorry to all my friends and the people I care about who I'm leaving behind. I've tried to live and be happy, but I can't anymore. A part of me was already gone when the rest of me left. I can't explain it. Nobody I care about did anything wrong. Please don't blame yourselves. You were the best friends I could have asked for.  
Please bury me with him. _

_Always, Sheba_

The funeral was the most emotional one Vale had seen for a long time. Master Hama traveled to Vale for the occasion, as did Mia and Picard. Faran and his family managed to make it in time as well. 

The two were buried on a hill overlooking the town where the air was sweet and the winds were strong. Many tears were shed. 

On their grave were these words. 

Ivan and Sheba  
Two hearts  
Two minds  
Intertwined forever

end. 

******  
I can't believe I did that! *sob* I'm sorry Ivan! T_T 

******

Next chapter will be by Akiko. (At least that one didn't make me all depressed—just kidding JG, this was great!)


	4. Uses of a Daisy Chain: by Akiko

**The Golden Sun One-Shot Panoply** (if the Bold lettering doesn't work this time, I give up)

By Various and Numerous Authors, a list of which you can find on Page One.

P/N: And on a lighter note…This chapter is by the one and only Akiko! (Wonderful DD piccy, Akiko!!) It's sort of happy insanity. You'll love it, I promise. 

**Triad, Kadevi, Midnight, Wolfy129, Yuriko the Chaotic Slurpee, and Griffinkhan:** Thanks from all of us for the reviews! (Those of you to whom this applies *coughTriadcough*, get started!)

*****

Uses of a Daisy Chain
    
    By:  Akiko          
    
    "Hey, Alex, what's wrong?" Jenna asked.
    
    The Mercury Adept looked up at her and sighed.  "I'm just...depressed."
    
    "Is there anything I can do?" she sat next to him.  
    
    "No," Alex sighed.  "I don't think there's anything anyone can do."
    
    ****
    
    At the very moment that Jenna was trying to console Alex, Isaac and Garet were fighting.  
    
    Okay, they weren't fighting, but it got your attention anyway.  What they were actually doing was almost as challenging as fighting for Isaac and Garet, but it isn't nearly so interesting for you.  
    
    Sheba and Mia were teaching them how to make daisy chains.
    
    "Then you loop the stem around..." Sheba showed Isaac the step very carefully.  She had done so at least a dozen times, but the Venus Adept just didn't get it.  "And then you put it through here, and there you go! You have another link in the chain!"
    
    Isaac fumbled with his daisy, only managing to destroy it.  "Ah...nut bunnies."
    
    Garet was having a much easier time than Isaac, surprisingly.  While Isaac could only make the daisies grow, the Mars Adept had mastered the technique of daisy chain making.
    
    "Mr. Rabbit hops around the tree..." he was muttering.
    
    "Wow, Garet, you're really good at this," Mia straitened the crown he had made for her.  "But...don't over do it, alright?"
    
    "Yeah," Garet continued to lengthen his chain.  It had reached a very good length already, but he was VERY focused.
    
    ****
    
    Picard and Ivan were fighting.  No, really this time.  They were practicing for the next big adventure that was sure to be coming there way at some point in time, while Felix watched them.
    
    Jenna broke it up completely.
    
    "GUYS!" she shrieked, nearly getting thrown into the air by Ivan's Tempest and being beheaded by Picard's Ice Missile.  "I need you help!"
    
    "What is it, Jenna?" Felix jumped to his feet, ready to defend his sister with his very life if it came to it.
    
    "It's Alex, he's depressed," Jenna explained.
    
    "Who cares," Felix's attention went from his sister to a passing butterfly.
    
    "Alex is depressed?" Ivan asked.
    
    "Yeah," Jenna nodded.  "I wanted to do something to help him snap out of it."
    
    "Let's go find the others," Picard suggested.  "We can make a plan from there."
    
    "Fine, whatever," Felix left his butterfly watching to follow them down the grassy slope.
    
    ****      
    
    It wasn't hard to find Isaac, Garet, Mia, Sheba, and their gigantic patch of newly grown daisies.  Garet had outdone himself, and the entire ground was covered with one gigantic daisy chain.
    
    "Guys, we need your help," Jenna stepped carefully over the many coils of the daisy chain and sat next to Mia.  "Alex is depressed, and we want to cheer him up."
    
    "Correction, YOU want to cheer him up," Felix glared.  "I want him to go away."
    
    "Felix," Mia glared at him.  Felix shuddered and immediately became interested in a passing bird.  "Well, Jenna, what do you suggest we do?"
    
    "I don't know, that's the problem," Jenna moaned.
    
    "I know!" Sheba clapped her hands.  "We could have a party!"
    
    "A party sounds like a good plan," Picard looked very determined to make the "mission" a success.  "We can use this gigantic daisy chain and everything!"
    
    "Okay, here's what we do," Mia began planning excitedly.
    
    ****
    
    It was later in the evening, and Alex was still depressed.
    
    "Come on, Alex," Jenna grabbed his hand. "Let's go for a walk."
    
    So they did.  Jenna led him over the next grassy hill, right into the middle of the planned party.
    
    "SURPRISE!" everyone yelled.  Jenna pulled two daisy chain crowns from a hook and put one on Alex's head and the other on her own.  All of the Adepts were there, all of them wearing daisy chain crowns, and all of them very happy.  The entire little wooded area was covered in Garet's enormous daisy chain.  
    
    "Here you go, Alex!" Mia led him to the place of honor, a chair.  She sat him down and brought him a plate of food.  "Eat up!"
    
    "So, are you depressed now?" Jenna asked.      
    
    "Not nearly so much," Alex smiled.
    
    The End ^_^

*****

P/N: My apologies for the way this seems all stretched out. Entirely my fault (though I'm not sure how) and not at all Akiko's.

Now go push that pretty purplish-blue button down there…


	5. Life Can Get Even Worser: by Azusasan

The Golden Sun One-Shot Panoply 

BY MANY AUTHORS! SEE LIST FIRST CHAPTER!

P/N: From what I've read of this…it's insanity. But you chapter did get through Azu!! 

First, my apologies for the weird textish in the last chapter. I really have no idea what went on there. 

Second, to **Azu, Midnight, Shiro, Kadevi, Jupiter Sprite and SSJ-KybokSilverfang**, thanks for reviewing, and keep it up!!

On to the chapter we go!

*****

Life Can Get Even Worser

By Azusasan

~*~

Whoo, why do I get a feeling I'm gonna have FUN writing this? ^o^ On my minor notes, this will have Garet/Jenna. Or... not. I'm rating this PG for some minor cursing, and... slightly bad stuff. But they couldn't help it, now could they? Or fear Jenna's wrath. ^_~ Also some minor Garet-angst. Awww.... Besides that, enjoy!

...Wait a second, did I just say "Awww....?" 0_o;;; ::Feels bad for feeling bad for Garet::

Urgh... -o-; Here we go.

~*~

Life Can Get Even Worser

~*~

_For one day.... You shall be your greatest nightmare.... This is a test from the Wise One.... You must take this test to prove your worth.... Good luck, warriors...._

Two people awoke at the exact same time, expecting nothing different from their daily lives. Being their greatest nightmare wasn't something they were afraid of. Nope. Not. At. All.

Felix pulled himself out of bed, yawning and stretching. He noted sleepily that his room was messier than normal. He would clean it later, after sparring with Isaac. Reaching the door, he pulled it open -- odd, he thought drowsily, his door was supposed to swing outwards -- and stumbled into the hallway. Seeing the bathroom door down the corridor, he headed down, and opened the door...

"AAAAAAAHHHH!"

Felix's mind immediately awoke completely and he shut the door quickly.

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT FOR?!"

"Um, sorry...."

"Yeah, you better be sorry! You idiot..." The door closed with a click. Wait a second... That wasn't the bathroom. Whoopsie.

Felix continued on down the hallway, finding the bathroom without any further incident. Hm, bathroom looked different than normal. Well, he wasn't sure anything was normal after Vale had been destroyed. Reaching the sink, he blinked at the mirror. And screamed his head off, unaware of the fact he sounded like a girl in doing so.

~*~

Elsewhere...

~*~

Garet was screaming as well. Screaming his lovely brown-haired head off.

Ah, so you see, the most simple and most complicated problem ever known in Vale had just happened. Garet and Felix switched bodies. Seems simple, this being the Wise One's test, but... these two hated each other with a passion. 

And -- Garet thought, hopefully with his own brain -- he had a date with Jenna!

He was staring at his -- or rather, Felix's -- hands, with its long fingers and calluses when the door burst open and Jenna, the object of his affections, ran in.

"Oh, Felix! What's the matter?"

Garet gaped a moment. Her hair was tied into a braid, and it swung almost like a tail, impatiently from side to side as she glanced around the room. Jenna wore a baggy shirt and what appeared to be cut-off cotton breeches. He *never* saw this side of Jenna. 

"...Felix?"

"I, um..." Garet started, disliking his new voice already. If she knew, however, bad things would happen. He didn't need her being blown up by the Wise One. "I... had a bad dream."

"You woke up in the bathroom?" Jenna asked incredulously. "I wouldn't put it past you, though..." She muttered under her breath.

"What?"

"You poor baby!" She said quickly. "Always suffering from nightmares..." Jenna led him over to the bathtub and sat him down on the edge, resting his head on her bosom and stroking the dark locks. 

...Actually, this wasn't so bad. Garet thought, secretly grinning like a pervert whose dream had recently come true. 

~*~ 

Back with our beloved Felix...

~*~

Felix was nearing hysteria. He. Could. NOT. Be. Garet!

"Garet? What are you screaming about?" 

"Um, nothing, Mrs. -- um, Mom!" 

"If you say so, dear..."

"Don't worry. He probably just saw another cockroach. You know he's afraid of those things."

"Kay, now..."

Their voices died away. Felix sighed, then clawed at his new face. NO! He could not be that stupid, dense, UGLY oaf that dated his sister! No! No! No!

Breathe, Felix... He told himself. Sort this out. You're Garet. You also had that weird dream. This is your test. 

He sighed, looking back at the mirror fearfully. This was a certainly... odd... test. At least he wasn't Jenna. Or Kraden. He shuddered violently.

I guess I should find Garet... Felix thought to himself, heading back to Garet's room (And getting a few insults from Kay along the way) and looking distastefully through Garet's meager collection of clothes. 

This would be no easy day.

~*~

Jenna jumped at the loud knocking at the door. She opened it, and as soon as she saw who she thought was Garet, she leaped at him.

"Garet! Snuggle-bunny, what are you doing here?" 

Felix shuddered as Jenna hugged him and pecked him on the cheek. Ugh...

"I... Need to talk to Ga -- er, Felix."

Jenna slid back down, looking confused.

"What did Felix do now?"

Get switched with that idiot of a boyfriend of yours... Felix thought sourly. 

"I just need to talk to him, okay?"

Jenna blinked.

"Okay... Felix!"

Garet didn't move a little while, until he realized that he WAS Felix. Standing quickly and getting a small rush (As Felix was a bit taller than he was [IS Felix taller than Garet? I'm thinking so, since Garet's hair doesn't... really count.]), he walked over to Jenna, gulping at seeing himself beside his girlfriend.

Act like Felix! Garet reminded himself. Putting a scowl on his face, he cleared his throat and crossed his arms over his chest.

"What do you want?"

"I need... to talk to you." 

"What for?"

Felix rolled his eyes, and then glared at him. 

"Oh, that. Come on." 

Garet led Felix back up to Felix's room, leaving a very puzzled Jenna next to the open door.

"Do you know what's going on?" Garet asked Felix as soon as the door was locked.

"Don't you remember that dream?" 

"What dream?"

Felix sighed.

"I'm worried that my brain cells have completely depleted since you're in my body, you know that?"

"At least I have more sense in clothing." Garet shot back. A silence settled between them as Garet thought over his last comment and Felix closed his eyes and shook his head. "Oh. Right."

"Yes, Garet. That's right. I am you. You are me. Do you understand?"

"Shut up!" Garet reached up and grabbed Felix by his collar, bringing them face-to-face. "Are you going to try an' help or not?"

"Do you think I really can?" Felix snorted, wrenching out of the grip and glaring at Garet ruefully. "This is the Wise One's challenge, only he -- "

"Maybe you don't remember," Garet said dryly, "but I have a date with your sister."

The color in the Venus adept's face visibly drained from his cheeks.

"That's right..."

"Yes, that's right!" Garet said, leaping up from the bed he was sitting on. "And... I can't go with her!"

"Of course not! You want to know what happens when the villagers see incest?! And why can't you reschedule?"

"No way in hell I don't! So that means YOU have to go! And I'm not -- I CAN'T reschedule! Jenna will kill me! Or, you!"

Felix sighed. Some test... "It WILL be incest, then."

"Well.... Too bad! Just don't kiss her anything!"

Felix grimaced at the thought of kissing Jenna. Ugghh.... He shuddered.

"You think I'm that stupid?"

"You're in my body. I'm the stupid idiot, remember?" Garet snarled, turning away from his reflection and glaring at the opposite wall.

"Look, Garet. You're not the smartest person I know, but you're certainly not the stupidest. I'm just an over-protective brother."

"Oh, who's stupider than me?"

"You and Isaac weren't the ones traveling with two bimbos like Saturos and Menardi. I'm surprised Puelle chose them to begin with."

"I thought they had issues. Not... a lack of a brain."

"They had issues, and they were missing a serious amount of brain cells. You don't know. You weren't the one who had to be trained by one of them."

"Is that why you always lose to Isaac?" Garet turned back to him, an inquisitive look on his face.

"Whoever said I lost?" Felix frowned.

"Isaac always -- "

"Isaac loses. I taught myself how to use the sword." Felix said proudly.

"You taught yourself? So that would explain Jenna's concern for your physical health... She doesn't want you being chopped up into pieces by your own swor -- "

"I'm thinking this conversation is getting reeeally far off topic." Felix cut in. "What are we going to do about my sister?"

Garet rolled his eyes. 

"You just have to go with Jenna. She'll understand if you say you're bothered by something and don't really speak with her."

"Oh, yes she will! You don't know my sister! She'll try and bite me!"

"Like she hasn't already?" Garet shot back. 

"She's bitten me, sure. But they certainly weren't *love* bites." Felix leered. Garet flushed and stared out a nearby window. 

"Um... Do I want to know how you know that?"

"I saw my new self in the mirror. You think I didn't notice anything?" 

Garet wallowed in embarrassment a few more minutes while Felix stared at himself (Meaning Garet), wondering how the heck he looked so pitiful while ashamed.

"I'm sorry! Just don't kill me!" Garet wailed suddenly. Felix blinked.

"If I kill you, it'll look like you killed me. Then, chances are, you'll be brutally murdered as well by Isaac or some other..." The (Normally) brunet trailed off, a devilish grin on his face.

Garet twitched.

"Wha --?"

"Never mind." Felix said quickly. A confused, embarrassed Garet was not the best Garet to try and make a plan that dealt with your sister with. Sighing, Felix tried running a hand through his hair only to realize that it wasn't his hair anymore. Prodding at its hard surface, Felix wondered briefly if Garet had ever used his hair as a lethal weapon in battle. Then, he decided he *didn't* want to know.

"Let's just plan out the... date, then. Where you plan on taking her, what you plan on wearing, so on and so forth."

"Okay...." Why did he get *really* bad vibes from this?

~*~

Later....

~*~

I feel so dirty, I feel so dirty, I feel so dirty..... 

I never should have gotten out of bed this morning...

I feel so dirty.... SO dirty...

Garet sat on the bottom steps of the staircase, biting his lip nervously and watching with his breath held. Jenna pranced down beside him, wearing a long red dress with a wispy-looking sash. *HE* was the one supposed to be the one with her tonight... 

With a wince, he knew it would be her own brother with whom she'd really dance, talk, and flirt with.

He wanted to break down and start crying. Gods knew Felix appeared to be an angst-ridden, depression-busted brother anyhow. But he didn't dare risk it. Not now, at least. Once Jenna was gone. With her brother. . .

GAH!

Felix twitched, seeing Garet suddenly scrunch up his face and leap up the stairs. Soon enough, a large crash (And much swearing) was heard. Jenna, fortunately 

(Unfortunately? He wondered), didn't notice a thing. (How attentive his sister was, Felix thought exasperatedly.)

"Hi, Garrie-poo..." Jenna cooed, leaning up to smooch him. Felix moved at the last moment, and thus, the kiss that was meant for his lips ended up on his cheek. Jenna didn't seem at all perturbed by this; instead, she grabbed his hand and led him down the steps.

What Garet had initially planned was a moonlight picnic ("What the hell?" Felix had asked), and, after much snuggling, cuddling and kissing ("Blurgh!"), he had decided that he would propose.

Felix had then, after being told that nice information earlier that afternoon, had a seizure.

After Garet had dumped some ice water on him, Felix swore, then grasped Garet's collar and yelled in his face some more. 

But, once our favorite Earth-adept-in-Garet's-body had calmed down reasonably enough, he demanded an explanation. So, Garet managed to tell him, all in a jumbled mess of stammers and whispers. Felix had watched him whimper stoically.

And once the explanation had been drained out, Garet had asked:

"Will you propose for me?"

Felix promptly had another seizure afterwards.

After more ice water, yelling, swearing, and threatening on Garet's part, it was settled: Felix would propose while in Garet's body, and as soon as the switch was de-spelled, Garet would owe Felix a rather hefty sum of money and a blanket.

His *baby* blanket.

Now, Garet was hiding under Felix's covers, shivering and watching -- out of a window -- an overly hyper Jenna and a hesitant Felix-in-his-body walk off towards the lake, a picnic basket in one of Felix's hands.

"Oh please, Iris, don't let him mess up...." Garet whispered a prayer, the sheets tumbling down over his head. 

"Felix, what are you doing?" Jenna's mother asked from the doorway, seeing who she thought was her son, her twenty-one year old son, hiding under the covers and shuddering. 

"Um, nothing." Garet replied.

~*~

Felix sighed. He had barely touched the food. Jenna, as per usual, did not notice, but instead, ate everything else. After watching his own sister finish off the sandwiches, the salad, and the cake, he felt far from happy at this situation.

Felix and Garet had come to a compromise -- the "snuggling, cuddling and kissing" could be left out, as long as Felix could come up with some other romantic idea that didn't involve bodily touching through lips. 

That crossed out plenty of ideas.

But Felix was a creative person, though he did not appear it. After packing up the blanket, the plates and cups and bowls, Felix instructed Jenna to take off her high heels, and once he had taken off his own boots and rolled up his pants, they waded into the nearby lake. 

"Oooh, the water's so cold..." Jenna said, her teeth chattering. She eased herself down onto a dry rock, pulling her skirt up around her knees. "Why did you want to do this, Garet?"

Felix grimaced at the name, but erased it quickly at Jenna's confused stare. 

"I need... to tell you -- er, ask you something."

"And that is?" Jenna took his hand in her smaller one, clasping her other palm over it.

With a soft, resolute sigh, he crouched before her, shuddering at the icy cold water around his ankles.

"Jenna..." Inhale, exhale, he told himself. "You're the most beautiful woman I know." At least that was true, to some extent. "And *I* know that I'm not the smartest person, or the handsomest, or the best at the sword..." I'd fit *that* bill, Felix thought to himself. "And, to thank you for choosing me over any of the other men of Vale, I'd..." Inhale... exhaaale... "I'd like to call myself your husband. Will you marry me, Jenna?" There was the glint of moonlight on shiny gold, and Jenna stared down at a ring in a velvet box.

Inhaaaaale...

Exhaaaaale...

"Ohmigosh, Garet! Of course I will! I love you!"

However, Iris seemed to have missed that prayer Garet had sent her. . .

. . .Felix slipped, and as Jenna reached out to hug him, he fell backwards into the lake, flailing and screaming as he went.

"Um... Garet, are you okay?"

Only bubbles replied to her query.

"Uh... I'll still marry you." Jenna offered, rising from the rock.

She was given a thumbs-up sign.

~*~

The next morning...

~*~

The first thing Felix did as soon as he got up, was throw off the covers and run to his full-length mirror beside the window. With a sigh of relief, he saw himself, and not the oaf that was now going to marry his sister. He was so relieved, in fact, he fainted.

Garet, meanwhile, was still afraid that he was Felix. As he opened one eye, he squinted around the room. Okay, his room. That was improvement. Sliding out, he looked down at himself. Oh, sweet Iris! Back to normal...

Meanwhile...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

Isaac screamed at the top of his lungs, as did Ivan.

And Felix, who had woken up a few minutes after he had blacked out, laughed, much to the utter confusion of his sister and parents.

Garet, however, was wondering why so many psychos were popping up in Vale in the mornings.

Hey, life can get even worser than that, right?

'Course.

~*~

End

~*~

Whoohoo! A chapter done within a month's time! ...I think. Anyhow, review, it makes all of us very happy! ^o^

Hey, dontcha pity Isaac and Ivan? D

~Azu

*****

URGENT NOTE TO ALL OSP PARTICIPANTS: THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER FROM MY INBOX. SOMEONE MUST FINISH AND SEND THEIR CHAPTER VERY SOON OR THIS CANNOT CONTINUE. YOU HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED.

…now push the dang button…


	6. The Gift: By Midnight C

The Golden Sun One-Shot Panoply

By: A list of authors that has expanded to eventually include: Shiro Amayagi, Yoshimi Takahashi.

P/N: This chapter was written by Midnight C! (*waves to Death*)

I hope you all enjoy it. Many and varied thanks to the reviewers…Azu, you must have a lot of fans, that chapter's the most-reviewed as of now…my there are a lot of you…**Midnight, SSJ-KybokSilverfang, Kadevi, Triad, Yuriko the Chaotic Slurpee, Akachi, Akiko, Jupiter Sprite, Vyctori, Griffinkhan, Yoshimi Takahashi.**

On to the story! 

*****

First off, I want to thank Vil for coming up with the great idea for the OSP in the first place and for asking me to contribute to it. It gives me a wonderful warm fuzzy feeling!

Shade: You sure that isn't the spicy food you ate for dinner last night?

Do you _ever_ go away?!

Shade: Nope.

*Sigh* And secondly, I want to thank Dragon Empress for inspiration. Her divine one-of-a-kind romantic humor played a major role in bringing this fic to life.

Mist: So be sure to take some time to read her stories if you haven't already.

Crystal: And all the other ones in the OSP too!

Right! Anyway, I hope you all enjoy my first attempt at Proxshipping. I certainly had too much fun with this! ^^;

***The Gift***   
A Tale of Saturos and Menardi   
By Midnight C

Spring in Prox meant that the huge icicles hanging off of the local roofs began to drip. It meant that the fluffy snow on the ground gradually melted into heavier, stickier snow be specked with dirt. It meant that the formerly frozen paths around town turned into mud so thick that one risked losing a shoe forever by taking one wrong step.

It also meant that Menardi's birthday was right around the corner.

This last fact had Saturos frightened to the core. For one, Menardi was quite temperamental about her birthday, and for another, he had yet to get her anything.

"I'm doomed," Saturos muttered to himself. "Unless I come up with a good gift by tomorrow, Menardi will flash-fry me."

He ambled through town with his head and shoulders drooped, all traces of his usual confident air gone. And none of the Proxians needed to wonder why, for they all knew the day that was fast approaching. It had only been a few short years ago that Menardi had nearly leveled the village because her sister had accidentally tripped and dropped the birthday cake. They were all afraid of what would happen if things didn't go perfectly tomorrow, and they pitied Saturos. As Menardi's one and only, he was in the most dangerous position of all. One could practically see the black cloud of dread and fear looming over him.

Agatio was walking down the path in the opposite direction, completely absorbed with the piece of paper in his hand. He scratched his head at the grocery list Karst had given to him. Why in the world did she need chili powder and jalapeño peppers for her sister's birthday party?

Since he was so absorbed in his task, he failed to see the downtrodden Saturos and the two of them collided. They both fell over backwards into the mud and the precious grocery list went flying.

"Why don't you watch where you're going?!" they demanded at the same time. "Me?! What about you?! You're such a clumsy oaf!"

Grumbling, the Mars Adepts stood up and began wiping the mud off of their clothes. "Uh-oh," Agatio said. "Where is it?"

"Where's what?" Saturos asked.

"My list! I was on my way to the store for Karst. If I don't find that list, Menardi's party will be ruined!"

That was all it took to get Saturos to begin searching for the list as well. Other villagers sighed at the sight of their two strongest warriors crawling around in the mud. Sometimes they shuddered to think that those two goofballs carried the fate of the whole village on their shoulders.

"Found it!" Agatio exclaimed happily as he held up the limp, mud-soaked list. He looked at it a moment. "Can you read it?"

Saturos groaned to himself. The ink had smeared and now none of the words were legible. "Nice going, dummy. It's ruined! You'll have to go back to Karst and ask for a new one."

"G-go back? To Karst?" The very idea was bone chilling.

"Don't whine, Agatio. I have my own problems to worry about."

"Oh I see." Agatio smirked. "I take it that means you haven't found a gift for your girlfriend, have you?"

"No I have not found a gift for my girlfriend!" Saturos half-shouted. "And if you're just going to stand there grinning at me like a moron, then I reserve the right to get pyro on your hide! This is a serious matter!"

"Jeez...bro, you need to mellow out. I'm sure whatever you come up with Menardi will love. She's crazy about you."

"Easy for you to say. You're not the one she'll pummel into the ground!" He let out a beleaguered sigh. "I'll never understand women if I live to be a hundred years old."

"I'd like to help you, buddy, but Karst has my schedule booked helping her organize the party."

"I figured as much," said Saturos.

"Speaking of which, I guess I should go ask her about this list." Agatio's pointed ears drooped as he thought of what he was in for when he told Karst he'd dropped the first list in the mud. "See ya around, bro!"

Saturos paced a few steps in the muddy path, trying to think of what he could possibly get for Menardi. She had plenty of jewelry and enough clothes to fill half of her house. She hated flowers, always citing how useless they were, and chocolate...well, forget it. The only thing scarier than Menardi was Menardi on a sugar rush. So where did that leave him? What could he possibly find in this isolated iceberg of a village that she didn't already have or would actually _like_?

"Saturos! There you are!" Speak of the devil. Saturos cringed, wanting to run and cram himself into the smallest mouse hole in the basement of the inn.

"Hi, Menardi," he greeted with a shaky grin. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing." Something about her smile was very disconcerting. "I just wanted to see how my favorite blue Mars Adept was doing today."

"If you think I'm telling you what I got you for your birthday, you're sadly mistaken. You'll have to wait until tomorrow."

Menardi stuck out her bottom lip. "Aw! But it's only one more day. Can't you give me just a little hint?"

"Nope, sorry."

"Well, can you at least tell me one thing?"

"What?"

"Will I like your present?"

Saturos gulped, and he prayed to Mars that she didn't hear it. He flashed another goofy grin at her and scratched the back of his head, hoping to hide the beads of sweat rolling down from his temples. "I guarantee that you'll be very surprised, my dear."

"I knew it!" she squealed in delight. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "You're the best, Satty! I can't wait for tomorrow. Karst already promised me that she's going to throw a big party and make one of her scrumptious cakes, and the whole village is going to come! But of course, it wouldn't be a party if you weren't there, Saturos. There isn't anyone else I'd rather spend my one birthday with."

"Menardi..." Great, now she was laying on the guilt trip too. _Mars, just take me now!_ he begged. _I can't stand this slow torture any longer so just burn me alive right now! I'll even give you a gold coin!_

"Oh, that reminds me--I have to go figure out what to wear to the party tomorrow," Menardi said. "I want to look my best."

"You always look stunning," said Saturos, pouncing on the chance to stay in her good graces. She smiled and kissed him again.

"You're so sweet. Well, I have to be going now. I'll see you later my brave, handsome Mars Adept. And I simply can't wait to see my present!"

"I can't wait to give it to you," he said. The back of his neck bristled as it became soaked in sweat. He waved goodbye to Menardi as she merrily skipped away. Oh if only she could stay in that sort of mood all the time! But no...once she found out he had no gift, the sweet Menardi would give way to the insane Menardi.

Resume cringing.

"Dammit!" Saturos cursed as he stamped his foot. Mud splattered all over his clothes, some of it even getting into his perfectly combed hair. "What am I going to do?!"

***

"You haven't found a present for Menardi?!" Karst exclaimed. "Saturos, what's _wrong_ with you? Don't you know that it's forbidden to forget your girlfriend's birthday?!"

"I didn't forget!" Saturos insisted. "I just haven't been able to think of anything good to get for her. I was hoping you might have an idea."

Karst eyed him suspiciously as she continued mixing whatever substance was in the bowl before her. She was practically covered from head to toe in flour and there were streaks of frosting and cake batter in her fire-red hair. Various aromas floated through the air in the kitchen, none of them the least bit familiar but all of them somewhat enticing.

"Please, Karst!" Saturos flashed his most innocent smile. "You're her sister--you must have an idea of what she wants."

"I happen to be busy preparing all of the food for her party, and Agatio is my only help, which means I have nearly twice the work." Something crashed in the next room. "Agatio! What was that?!"

"Nothing!" came the hasty reply. Karst growled loudly, and the great green Mars Adept stuck his head into the kitchen, his ears drooped guiltily.

"It's nothing, Karst dear," said Agatio in a nervous voice. "I only dropped _one_ of the bud vases. That's all."

"You _what_?!" 

A moment later, Agatio went sulking back to clean up the broken vase, his face covered in soot and his skin partially charred. Karst resumed mixing her concoction with great aggression, since burning her helper didn't relieve all of her frustrations by a long shot. Saturos mentally wondered which of the sisters was really the most frightening.

"Well?" he queried.

"You're on your own, Romeo," Karst snapped. She was teetering on stirring the mixture into oblivion. "I have too much to do and there are only so many hours in the day. May I suggest that you use your own brain for once? It's that thing between your two big ears if you've forgotten."

Saturos sighed wearily. Why had he bothered to ask Karst for help in the first place? He slowly exited the house, butterflies fluttering in his stomach as he looked at the setting sun. In a few hours he'd be a pile of burnt cinders.

"Hey look--it's Saturos, the dead man walking!" one of the Proxian children teased. "Clear the way for the dead man walking!"

Normally, Saturos would've taken pride in using his warrior prowess to scare the little brat into therapy for life, but he had much bigger concerns on his mind right now. He half-heartedly shot a small fireball in the kid's direction and continued the slow walk home, pausing only to check the shop windows for anything different. Sadly, it was all the same stuff he'd long since rejected. It was hopeless. He was one very dead Mars Adept. Never again would he inhale the sweet air, feel the warm radiance of the Mars Lighthouse, or know the satisfaction of beating Agatio in one of their training sessions. Never again would he know the satisfaction of just being alive.

OK, maybe he was being a little melodramatic, but still...after tomorrow, he'd be as close to death as a guy could get without actually dying.

"Stupid birthdays," he muttered. "Why do I have to put up with all of this fuss? Menardi knows she's the only girl for me. That should be enough for her, shouldn't it?"

***

Menardi was getting seriously ticked. Her party was a near total bust thanks to Agatio making some last minute alterations to the food. Karst had told him to lightly sprinkle some pepper on the kabobs and the idiot had instead doused everything on the table--including the cake--in pepper and chili powder. Then, in his rush for some water to quell the spiciness, one of the guests had spilled his wine all over her brand new red dress. And all of the presents were ugly jewelry or clothes that she'd never wear to save her life. No, nothing was going right today.

To top it off, Saturos had yet to show up.

The birthday girl was now seated at the table with her arms and legs crossed, seething. Where was the blue-skinned creep? She could really use a dynamic, wonderful gift to brighten her otherwise awful day. If he failed to show or if his present was less than stellar, she would beat him to a bloody pulp.

Twice.

"Cheer up, sis," Karst said as she sat down beside her. "Saturos will be here before long, and the new cake will be out of the oven soon. And Agatio's not going to go anywhere near that one as long as I live."

"If he's not here in five minutes, I'll hunt him down and rip his lungs out," Menardi muttered.

Agatio pricked up an ear as he munched on a piece of the old cake. He couldn't understand why everyone went running from the room when they'd tasted it--it seemed all right to him. 'Saturos said he might be a bit late, Menardi," he said with his mouth full. "He wanted to be sure everything was right for you today. You know how he is."

"Haven't you done enough damage today?!" Karst scowled.

"Damage?' Agatio questioned innocently. He shoved another handful of cake into his mouth. "What are you talking about? This party's been great!"

Karst emitted a low, deadly growl, which caused him to slowly back away and sit in the corner. A moment later, the door of the house slowly opened and Saturos made his not-so-grand entrance. Everyone stopped and stared at him, much to his dismay. He'd rather hoped he could've slipped in discretely.

"Bro!" Agatio exclaimed. "There you are! We were just talking about you."

"What'd I miss?" Saturos offered. One look at Menardi's face told the whole story. He knew the party hadn't gone smoothly at all and his legs suddenly felt like limp noodles. Not only had he come to the party sans gift, but now Menardi was doubly pissed for having a bad birthday.

He was so, _so_ screwed.

"Menardi!" he said nervously. "You look even lovelier than usual today. Is that a new dress?"

"It was until some jerk spilled wine on it," she replied crossly. "You're late! Where have you been?!"

Saturos's ears drooped. "Uh...well...you see, I was..."

The temperature in the room suddenly spiked as Menardi's anger and annoyance intensified. She was ten seconds away from burning the house and everyone in it to ashes. Saturos was sweating profusely as he gazed at her very intimidating visage and he mentally begged Mars for a miracle. She got up from the table and advanced towards him, fire in her eyes, and he stood there paralyzed in terror. Then his survival instincts took over.

Without a word, he swept her into his arms and drew her into a very long and extremely passionate kiss. Silence fell over the room as all of the guests and Agatio and Karst just stared at them. Hours seemed to pass.

Finally, Saturos broke away and smiled when he saw Menardi's stunned and no longer homicidal face. He squeezed her hand and brought it to his lips in the most gentlemanly way possible.

"Happy birthday, Menardi, my love," he said.

Menardi stared at him wide-eyed for a moment, then she squealed in delight and threw her arms around him, kissing him on the cheek repeatedly.

"Satty!" she cried. "That was _amazing_!" She kissed him again. "Thank you!"

"You're very welcome." Relief swept over him. He was off the hook. He was safe from getting incinerated! _Saturos, you're such a genius_, he told himself. _An absolute genius_!

Menardi looped her arms around his neck. "That was the most perfect birthday gift ever. You're the best, Saturos."

"I only wish I could do more."

"Really?" A devilish grin crossed her face. "You know, if you weren't sure of what to get me for my birthday, you could've just asked me. I would've been happy to give you some suggestions."

"W-what?!' The sweat suddenly returned in force.

"But I'll let you off the hook this time because there's nothing funnier or more satisfying than watching you squirm. You're so cute when you're nervous like that--I just can't resist you."

The colored drained completely from Saturos's face. Menardi, still smiling broadly, kissed him once more and he promptly fainted. He'd never figure women out for as long as he lived.

*~_The End_~*

Hope you enjoyed this, everyone. Can't you just tell I had too much fun writing it? ^_^

Shade: ::Groan::

Mist + Crystal: See ya around, folks!


	7. Ivan, Lord of Chaos: By Vilya

The Golden Sun One-Shot Panoply

P/N: Alrighty…here's a chapter from yours truly! Edited as best I can, of course. Some insanity and humor and chaos and insanity and…more insanity…and stuff!

Thanks to **Feonyx, Vyctori, Jupiter Sprite, Kadevi, Azusasan, Yuriko the Chaotic Slurpee, V.S.W, Yoshimi Takahashi, Akiko and SSJ-KybokSilverfang** for their reviews! That's…let's see…ten…nope, Azu's chapter still has the most reviews. Sorry mid! 

*****

Ivan, Lord of Chaos

By: Vilya

A/N: Ha! I am the author this time! Yay for me! It took a lot of time and thought to orchestrate this, so I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I own the combination of Djinn that will make Ivan a Chaos Lord in this chapter. Obviously, those Djinn don't even actually work in-game…there are just…other factors here. Hehehe. 

Could also be called "Why it's Bad When the Adepts Get Bored" but my title is catchier.

            Isaac sighed. He had fought evil, multi-headed dragons, saved a town from an evil tree's curse, saved another town from a giant flood, survived the hottest desert on Weyard, climbed four lighthouses, sailed around on the Eastern and Western seas until even _he_ was sick of the sea, dealt with Kraden for the entirety of the post-Jupiter-Lighthouse trip, and spoken to an eyeball-rock who had the nerve to call itself 'wise' and still send himself and his friends off on a quest that was, essentially, questing for the wrong thing. To his knowledge, boredom had never before been an issue.

            Isaac was bored. 

            Granted, he wasn't the _only_ one. Mia was sitting on a rock looking like she was a million miles away, Felix leaned against a tree and just glared (quite by default) at the surrounding area, Jenna dug through her bag without really looking for anything, and everyone else basically wore a bored expression. Except for Garet—he was eating a cookie. 

            Boredom extended, by way of a complicated chain of reactions, to the seventy-two Djinn currently in residence. The moment Isaac realized this, his set of nine materialized in front of him. Well, eight—Flint had a fetish for perching somewhere in his messy hair. Almost immediately, sixty-three flashes of green, red, purple and blue brought out every last Djinni. 

            And not a single one of them was, after this, allied with an Adept.

            "Just what do you think you're all doing?" Garet demanded. An uncomfortably high number of pairs of eyes settled on him. He did his best to ignore the feeling of being watched on more than a physical level, though he was shaking slightly as he continued. "Get back in here where you belong."

            "Dear boy," Bane said in an appropriately venomous voice, "we do not _belong_ anywhere we don't choose to."

            "Sit down, Bane," scoffed one of the Mercury Djinn. Said Djinni jumped into Mia's lap and looked across at where Sheba and Jenna were watching. "We have a solution to your boredom, Adepts."

            "Oh do you?" Picard asked casually. "I am almost afraid to ask, but what?"

            "Well…I'm sure you're all aware that, with your usual strategy of everyone keeping their respective elemental Djinn, you achieve certain Psynergies and certain Psynergies _only_ at your respective classes." By now the Adepts had caught on that it was Dew who was speaking; this was due to the presence of several large words, and what seemed to be a sentence that was entirely too long.

            "Perhaps we have," Sheba said hesitantly. "Go on."

            "It just so happens," said Gale, looking entirely pleased with herself, "that we elder Djinn know several other combinations that will liven up the day as well as teach you a thing or two about Psynergy."

            "This doesn't involve the tomeri…toman…timotsi…tomergandi…" Ivan stumbled over the word.

            "Tomegathericon," Garet said automatically. He relished the ability to pronounce that one when Ivan could not.

            "Yes, that…does it?"

            "Not unless you want it to," offered Torch. Ivan shuddered.

            "No. Not again. If I never see those pages again it will be too soon."

            "No Mysterious Card, either," Felix commented. "I can't juggle, be it Psynergy or not, and I've no desire to try my luck at playing card games."

            "Nothing luck-involving, if you would be so kind," added Jenna. "I've never had much."

            "Oh, but you will!" said one of the Jupiter Djinn (really, all together like this, it was hard to tell which was which) excitedly, going on before Ivan had the chance to attempt a joke. "Djinn have effects on your luck too!"

            "I have wondered," Sheba reflected dryly, "if there is something you actually do not do."

            "The dishes," offered Felix. "The washing. The gardening. The action of fighting in a battle and facing death by stabbing, scorching, drowning, electrocution, or just plain dumb luck. The—" Felix stopped when he realized that every Adept was laughing hysterically, and several of the Djinn were too. He joined them, noting with some pleasure that he had managed an efficient joke.

            "Well, do you like the idea or not?" demanded Bane, who had the distinction of always being easy to pick out, even in a crowd of seventeen identical look-alikes. "If not, go on back to your boredom and I'll have a word with Gale about using the term 'elder Djinn' lightly." 

            "That depends," Isaac said, though he was obviously looking forward to a break in the tedium. 

            "Upon?" Luff asked frostily.

            "How destructive are we about to become?" Isaac shot back, perfectly composed. Several Djinn went through the 'about to speak but suddenly hesitates' routine. 

            "Very," Felix surmised, standing up fully. "We should probably go somewhere outside of Vale."

            "That sounds good," Echo agreed hastily. The Djinn trooped off in what would have been perfect formation if Bane, Luff, Torch and Serac hadn't been arguing over who got to lead. With a collective (and familiar) resigned sigh the eight Adepts followed. 

            The Djinn led them to a clearing in the forest about half a mile away from Vale. In that clearing were three dozen or so stones about half Mia's height, sticking out of the ground at odd angles. The Adepts each chose a perch as the Djinn conferred in hushed whispers.

            "Wonder what they're saying?" Garet asked.

            There was a momentary pause.

            "Not really," Picard offered. 

            "Likely debating on which class will be most fun for us first," Sheba put in. The others looked at her. "I'm not a Jupiter Adept for nothing, you know." 

            "Alright," said Gale (who bore the same distinction in a crowd as Bane, though for different reasons). "Are you humans ready?"

            "Did you hear that?" Jenna remarked, and Mia nodded gravely.

            "Referring to us as though we were just humans, and not the saviors of Weyard," Mia said in a similar tone.

            "You _are_ just humans," said Serac. "Now, if you don't mind…let's begin causing chaos!"

            "And if we do mind?" Ivan, still wary about this whole idea, offered meekly, but it was far too late. All Djinn save a full dozen were turning into balls of light and firing themselves into seemingly random Adepts. 

            Mia was the first to recover, blinking away the bright lights and wondering what in the world she had become. Feeling quite suddenly balanced, she waited for the others to realize that they were still living. 

            Sheba was the next to come to her senses, and she and Mia looked at one another, then down at the dozen Djinn left Adeptless.

            "Somehow I think it works better when you're all with who you belong with," Sheba said. "And the majority of you are Venus Djinn. That might say something." 

            "It says that we prefer to stay clear of chaos," Bane huffed. 

            "Useless," muttered Tinder. Sheba and Mia gasped. Tinder wasn't known to engage in the elemental almost-war that was constant between the Djinn.

            "Am I, fire breath?" Bane challenged. Tinder sighed.

            "It's useless to make up excuses."

            "Oh," Bane said in a small voice. 

            "What am I?" Jenna wondered aloud. A single Mars Djinni appeared on her head.

            "Luminier!" It was Cannon. "Really, there isn't nearly enough destruction contained in your Psynergy repertoire in this class, and what you _do_ have is freaky enough, so I figured I'd stick around and provide a destructive force to match your personality!"

            "I'll ignore that in favor of you telling me just what Psynergy I can use," Jenna said pleasantly. Cannon froze—when Jenna took that tone, someone was in trouble.

            "Give me a moment here…let's see…ah, there it is. Mad, Fiery and just plain Blast, Restore, Protect, and Cure Poison. Oh yeah, and the three stages of Ply, and the three Wish levels as well," Cannon finished quickly.

            Sheba tried unsuccessfully to stop herself from laughing. _Ply! Wish!_ The very idea—Jenna, the most destructive (when angry) Mars Adept she knew, with a _Mercury_ Psynergy that did the exact opposite.

            "It's too good," Ivan agreed. 

            "Someone sort us all out on what we are, please," Isaac demanded. Flint popped out of Felix and gave a mock bow—much as he could, anyway. 

            "Certainly. You, Isaac, are a Samurai. You have all sorts of Venus and Mars things going on. Attacks and barrier-type stuff, mostly."

            "A break!" he cried triumphantly. The others all looked at him. "Right. Go on."

            "Felix here is a Guardian. Basically, he has the exact opposite Psynergy of Isaac—there's a lot of Mercury involved."

            "We share a boat, brother," Jenna said consolingly.

            "I don't really mind," Felix said. "I mean…I'm not naturally against all water, so it doesn't bother me. Also…I'm sort of used to it."

            "Sheba is a Sage," Flint said without any sort of drama. After a short pause, it was Isaac who burst into laughter. Picard soon followed suit.

            "What?" Sheba asked. Picard took a moment to control himself, then spoke.

            "Kraden likes to believe he is a sage," he offered in a sort of chant, dissolving into laughter again at the sound of his own voice. Sheba groaned. 

            "And what is wrong with the Lemurian?" Felix asked. This time it was Sleet, sharing Felix's headspace with Flint, who spoke.

            "First off, he has Mars and Jupiter Djinn, so I imagine he's jumpy, being around both the elements with the potential to take him out. Secondly, having this makes him a Bard. Nearly completely attack Psynergy."

            "Picard the Bard!" Mia said with a laugh. Picard frowned.

            "I never pictured you as the type to make someone feel sad and blue," he said, eyes widening in shock when he realized he had made his sentence rhyme. "This must stop!"

            "It gets better," Sleet offered.

            "I'm listening," Isaac said, though he was more focused on Garet, who was rushing around the clearing at a speed usually associated with Ivan borrowing power from both Zephyr and Coal. 

            "Garet's a Master," said Flint, and they watched as Garet headed straight for one of the largest stones in the clearing…and dodged away with about one sixty-fourth of a second (and mere millimeters) to spare. 

            "Master of what?" Ivan wondered. 

            "No, not like that," Sheba said. "Master is the highest class in the Ninja set."

            "You really _are _a sage," Jenna said after a short pause. "Still…I can't picture him as a Ninja. It doesn't suit his character. I mean…he's big. I wouldn't see smart, swift, silent and deadly in him. Well…ok, maybe deadly." 

            "Watch this!" Garet cried, freezing in place and holding out a hand. "Carpet Bomb!" The rock directly in front of him exploded into burning pebbles. "That was fun!"

            "Carpet Bomb?" Felix asked incredulously. "What comes next? Tapestry Bomb?"

            "Throw Rug Bomb," Mia offered. 

            "Bathmat Bomb," Picard sang. Jenna glared at him.

            "Stop." Picard took a step back. She didn't scare him, but that look in her eyes was enough to make him cautious. Jenna herself was surprised at that—Picard didn't usually act nervous around anything unless it was seriously bad. 

            "Alright," Isaac said, the class of Samurai giving him even _more_ calmness than he'd had as a Slayer. "Garet's got speed issues, Sheba knows everything, Jenna's suddenly a Mercury Adept, don't glare at me like that Jenna, Picard's singing every chance he gets and some he doesn't, and Felix holds the same occupation as Jenna only he doesn't much mind." Isaac paused, watching amusedly as Ivan counted it off on his fingers. "Oh, yes. And I can do odd things with otherworldly beings."

            "As a Samurai?" Mia asked.

            "Yeah," Sheba said, though she herself had no idea where the words were coming from. "Things like Demon Spear, Angel Spear, Dragon Cloud and Demon Night."

            "Sharp objects," Ivan pointed out.

            "What I was getting at," Isaac said, "is what do Ivan and Mia do?"

            "Oh, Ivan's a Shaman," said Ground, on Ivan's head in the all-too-common Djinni style. "Four Venus Djinn must really be shaking you up, kid."

            "It's not that so much as I can't read minds anymore," Ivan said in a shaky voice. "All my Jupiter powers are just…gone. And in place of them are things like…Growth…and…well, ok, Bolt is Jupiter…and _what_?! That's not fair!" Ivan's face had gone quite pale. "I was against this whole thing from the beginning—to go and do this to me is just wrong."

            "Do what, Ivan?" Mia asked. Ivan shuddered. 

            "Four Venus Djinn, putting Ivan at Shaman class, gives Ivan the Venus Psynergy chain of Cure, Cure well and Potent cure. Look at it this way, Ivan—your class isn't high enough to have Revive," Sheba offered consolingly. It didn't seem to work—Ivan looked like he might need to be revived himself. 

            "The extra effects of these classes are annoying," Picard sang. "And I really do mean it. It must be hard for—" Picard stopped as Jenna's hand closed around his mouth.

            "Shut. Up." Picard, not daring to risk speaking, nodded. Jenna blinked for a moment, seemed to figure out what she was doing, and stepped away from Picard. "You two," she said, indicating Picard and Mia, "have to deal with this sort of thing _every day_?"

            "What sort of thing?" Mia asked curiously. 

            "This…ugh…this feeling like if the people around you don't get their act together you will force them to. That you can flip sides as easily as a coin."

            "No," Picard said, figuring that with one word it wouldn't sound so much like a song. He was wrong. He was wrong in his answer too—he assumed Jenna meant flipping between terrifying and calm. 

            "That's just you, I think, Jenna," Felix said. Jenna scowled. "Whoa. _That's _not you. That's Mia!" The others laughed, Felix grinned, and Jenna sighed. 

            "Speaking of Mia," said Ivan, "we don't know what she does yet."

            "Mia is a Medium," said Sheba, stopping abruptly and frowning. "Maybe I can search my mind for the solution to end all this sudden knowledge. It's disconcerting."

            "Dis-_what_?" asked Garet. 

            "Disconcerting. Uncomfortable. Disturbing. _Makes me want to strangle Djinn_," Sheba added, almost as an afterthought. "And Ivan's right—I might know a lot, but that in no way beats knowing what the rest of you are thinking. With the exception of Garet."

            "Why not me?"

            "I'd be afraid of what I'd see in there if I read your thoughts."

            "Worthless endeavor," Ivan put in. "I've been there." 

            "And what does a Medium do?" Mia asked exasperatedly. Breath, possibly the most distinctive Jupiter Djinni of them all, appeared on Mia's head. 

            "Many things. Froth's your only Mercury Psynergy, I'm afraid, but you do get things like Bolt, Haunt and Cure. And what do you know? _You_ do have Revive."

            "I sense a pattern, somehow," Garet mumbled. "Don't know what the pattern is, even, but I think there is one."

            "Well, other choices for Medium were Ivan, Sheba or Picard," Breath reflected.

            "Nah," said Isaac. "Ivan and Sheba are clearly smalls."

            "And Picard is most definitely a large," added Felix. 

            "Picard wouldn't have minded one bit if he had to be a Medium for a little while," sang the Adept in question. 

            "So? What's the point of all this?" Felix asked. "Just to be shown that there are alternatives to things like Odyssey, Diamond Berg and Searing Beam?"

            "Well, we were hoping that it might be fun for you," Granite said meekly. "To try out the Psynergy I mean. That's what the rocks were for."

            "Oh. Point. Let's try it then? Something interesting…" Felix closed his eyes for a moment. "Really, having few attacks doesn't give me much to…oh, here. This might be interesting. Ivan…move." The Jupiter Adept readily did so, and Felix glared at the big rock directly in front of him. 

            The Adepts watched. And waited. And did some more of both. 

            "Felix? Get on with it," Ivan stated, and Felix closed his eyes. 

            "Plume Edge!" Felix grinned as a large geyser erupted under the stone and catapulted it into the sky. It came down several feet from its starting point and shattered as though made of glass.

            "Ouch," Isaac offered. "I do not know if that beats Carpet Bomb, though. Not many jokes one can make with 'Plume Edge'." 

            "Let's see you show us something, then, mister Samurai," Jenna said, sounding offended. Isaac smiled.

            "Certainly. My only problem will be in choosing which Psynergy to demonstrate."

            "When did he start talking like that?" Mia asked. Ivan shrugged.

            "Probably some side-effect of being a Samurai," he observed. "Those people in Xian talked funny too. All spaced out and such."

            "Helm Splitter!" Isaac drew his sword in a very samurai-like fashion, leaping high into the air and bringing the red-glowing blade down in a vicious swipe, slicing one of the stones cleanly in half. The weapon was in its sheath faster than many sets of eyes could follow.

            "He's _dangerous_ that way," Felix remarked. "Our Djinn must go so far beyond insanity that they're coming from the other direction as perfectly sane beings."

            "Evidently, Samurai class gives Isaac some…rather unique attributes," Sheba observed. Everyone looked her way. "I'm not going to use any Psynergy, if you don't mind," she said. "Really, it's nothing you haven't seen before." 

            "Alright then, my turn!" sang out Picard, right on cue. "Sonic Slash!" For a moment or two, it didn't seem as though anything had happened, except a slight increase in the speed of the wind. When one of the rocks burst apart, literally disintegrated, they realized that Sonic Slash was a wind-based attack, and so virtually invisible.

            There was a sudden bright, multicolored flash, and seventy-two Djinn were again clustered on the ground around the Adepts. Jenna breathed a sigh of relief, as did Picard and Sheba. 

            "Never again," Ivan said vehemently. "Not ever. Absolutely not."

            "Venus Psynergy cannot _possibly_ be that bad, Ivan," Mia said.

            "You're one to talk. You're in love with a Venus Adept."

            "That was a completely unbiased statement."

            "Right. It wasn't the Venus anyway. It was—" Ivan stopped as the Djinn sprang into action again, to all appearances returning to the Adepts with whom they belonged. Except for the thirty-six Djinn still on the ground, that is. 

            "What are you doing, Flint?" Isaac asked. 

            "Cannon, same question," Jenna said in threatening tones. "Better make it a good answer."

            "So nice to have you back to your old self, Jenna," Cannon said in an excited voice. "We are putting the master plan into motion!"

            "Master plan?" queried Sheba.

            "Oh yes," said Eddy. Picard suppressed a groan. That Djinni was _crazy_, and he knew it. Eddy was under the impression that he could talk to fish. 

            With as much evilness as their faces allowed, the Djinn—nine of every kind—turned to face Ivan. 

            "Weren't you wondering why your Djinn didn't re-ally with you?" Sleet questioned innocently. Ivan paled.

            "Uh…well…there was that…" he stammered. Gulping, he took a step back. "What are you going to do to me?"

            "Accusation before action," Meld said scornfully. "Not a good idea." 

            "Innocent until proven guilty, wasn't it?" asked Granite. Ivan gulped.

            "Let's prove it, then," said Shine menacingly, and at once thirty-six Djinn became little balls of light and rushed at Ivan, who was knocked over by the ensuing joining of minds. 

            "Have any of us ever been joined to thirty-six Djinn before?" Picard asked. Every Adept but Ivan looked at all the other ones curiously, and there were seven heads simultaneously shaking 'no'. "Do you think it could be dangerous for Ivan then?" 

            "I never thought of that," Garet admitted. "Still, Ivan's smart. He can handle anything."

            Ivan, had he been able to hear Garet at the time, would have argued quite well against the claim that he could handle anything. For example, ever since opening the Tomegathericon he couldn't handle coming within five feet of Felix's pack. Ever since falling from that bridge near Kalay as a child he couldn't handle rushing water far below a narrow crossing. Ever since Dullahan he couldn't handle hearing that name or the mention of Anemos Sanctum. 

            And currently, he couldn't handle the clamor of thirty-six minds all joined to his, all speaking at once and all proposing ideas of utter chaos. He couldn't even pick out one Djinni voice from the next, let alone what element they were, who they were, and if any of them were even his. 

            Slowly, the mayhem in his head subsided, leaving his ears ringing and the world spinning. He sat up and blinked, waited for the other fourteen Adepts to become just seven again, then ventured a few words, but they came out as nothing but slurred gibberish. It was like he didn't even…

            _Like he didn't have control of himself anymore_.

            Isaac and the others gasped as Ivan stood, his eyes no longer their usual purple but instead a sort of gently glowing red that suggested running away as fast as possible and doing so until either the runner collapsed or fell over the edge of Gaia Falls. Or perhaps both.

            "Um…Ivan? You alright?" Garet ventured. It was thus that the Jupiter Adept's wrath faced him first.

            "Thishrenilleffunn!" Ivan said with victorious conviction. He then frowned. "Thiserlleffinun! Thesderful!" A war seemed to be going on in Ivan's mind. After a few more tries, Sheba recognized the voice tone of Zephyr, speaking _through_ Ivan. "Thisistherealfun!" 

            "Control," said the approximate voice of Breeze, who had the habit of speaking in single-word sentences.

            "What you are about to see is the reason we are outside of Vale," said Luff's voice. Ivan's eyes, even glowing red as they were, looked frightened, as did every other aspect of his face, aside from his mouth.

            "Ivan has ascended to the class of Chaos Lord," said Dew's voice, and indeed she seemed to have orchestrated this whole thing from the start. "This class is available also to the resident Venus and Mars Adepts, albeit in less…catastrophic proportions."

            "Catastrophic?" Felix asked warily. Ivan's mental voice had said much the same, but the Djinn were in complete control.

            "For each of you it might only take nine Djinn," said Fever's voice evilly. "For dear Ivan here, it takes nine of _each_ and a bit of teamwork to boot!"

            "And a mutual love of chaos," said Bane's commanding tone.

            "Bane?!" Isaac and Garet asked together. 

            "Yes, it's me. I enjoy a little fun now and then too, you know. Besides, these…_children_ need some sort of guidance if you don't want them destroying Weyard."

            "Avast, me hearties! Now's not the time fer arguin'! It's fer the spreadin' of all Hail!" Hail cried triumphantly in her usual piratical way of speaking. 

            "I should have never told her that joke about her name," reflected Picard, frowning. 

            "Let's speed it up!" said Gust's voice warningly. "We've already been at this two minutes and we've only got eight more!"

            _Eight minutes?_ Ivan asked weakly. _Until what?_

            _Well, technically we've got three minutes until you start to get lightheaded, six until you fall unconscious from elemental overload, and eight until you start to reach critical levels_, offered Coal generously.

            _Critical levels of what?_ Ivan questioned, more nervous by the second.

            _Elemental imbalance. Too much of that for too long…well, it's slightly more than just a hair away from fatal._ Ground thought this was very effective…or at least until Ivan caught on.

            _You could kill me!_ Ivan accused.

            _That's about the bare bones of it, yeah_, admitted Smog sheepishly. 

            "Now, down to business!" said a voice none of them recognized at the moment, and Ivan's face took on a triumphant look as he raised one hand. Whatever words were spoken next were lost amid a noise that rivaled that of the explosion Garet and Ivan had once caused by firing Spark Plasma and Pyroclasm so that they'd impact one another right in front of their current enemy. 

            "Shade!" Picard called, apparently just in time, because bright lights that spanned the color spectrum began raining down. Trees fell, boulders shattered into pebbles the size of sand, winds three times as fast as anything ever experienced tore the ground to bits, the rivers rose and flooded everything for half a mile, and things that shouldn't have been able to burn were instantly set aflame. The sky grew dark with clouds, so dark that the only visible things were the flames and Ivan, surrounded by an inverted glow that seemed to come from darkness itself.

            Isaac had been considering that the Djinn had become evil, trying something like this. But then he realized how much fun they must be having, finally given an outlet for their endless energy, regardless of whether having that outlet meant using Ivan. Certainly, Isaac and all the others would yell at their Djinn for trying such a stunt…but if he were a Djinni, it would have been exhilarating. 

            This went on for a good five minutes, and quite suddenly stopped, just as Shade could no longer hold up a barrier around the other Adepts. Then the chaos began anew, only this time Ivan was on his knees from sheer exhaustion, and what was happening was chaos like no one ever thought of it. Everything was coming back together, going back to the way it was.

            "So maybe they're not so evil," offered Sheba quietly. "They put everything back, after all."

            "It's like…like…" Mia frowned, fumbling for the words to describe the quiet mayhem they were watching, so different from the utter havoc from moments before.

            Picard's eyes lit up suddenly, and he began to laugh crazily, and there seemed to be no end in sight after a moment or two. The others looked at him and shrugged, figuring they'd either eventually hear the joke or he'd just finally lost it from spending so much time with the rest of them.

            The laughter stopped, however, when Ivan collapsed and the Djinn all returned to their respective owners, except for Ivan's usual nine, who simply unallied themselves and stood on the ground, looking around at their handiwork and congratulating each other.

            "You tore it apart just to put it back together again?" questioned Mia, raising an eyebrow skeptically. Picard seemed to find that so funny that it merited falling to his knees in laughter. Mia shot him a frosty glare, but Sheba and Isaac were chuckling right along with him. "I just don't see it," she said finally, exasperatedly. 

            Ivan groaned and sat up, rubbing the back of his head slowly. Warily, the other Adepts stepped closer, and Sheba held out a hand. Ivan took it and pulled himself to his feet, staring at a couple of them when they didn't try to stop him, and finally locked a steely glare on his Djinn.

            "You must understand," said Squall suddenly, stepping forward. "It wasn't meant to make any of you angry or get you hurt. It was meant to be a bit of fun and to let some of the Mercury and Venus Djinn blow stuff up and some of the Mars and Jupiter Djinn unblow it. None of it was ever planned to cause…permanent harm."

            "Squall made a speech," Smog said, rather taken aback. Squall, when she did speak, often talked of lightning or wind or how best to use those things in a fight. 

            "So don't get angry. It's an outlet for energy, you know. Because we've been stuck in Vale a lot recently and there isn't anything to fight there except when Garet and Ivan have their screaming contests or Jenna finally blows her top at Kraden…and such," Squall finished, looking rather embarrassed.

            There was a long pause. All the Adepts looked at one another and finally gave one unified shrug. "Lunch?" offered Isaac finally, and the others agreed, the Jupiter Djinn re-allied with Ivan and they headed back into the town of Vale.

            "So Picard," said Mia as they walked. "What _was_ so funny?" This promptly set the Lemurian to laughing again. Isaac looked at them all and joined in the laughter with a shake of his head.

            Isaac had fought a headless suit of armor until he thought the figure would haunt his nightmares for several thousand years. He'd matched powers with a wizard who could command physical representations of all four elements with a wave of his hand. He'd seen a giant armor-covered statue fall to the Djinn when Psynergy just wasn't doing it. As far as he knew, boredom had never before been an issue.

            And it would never be again, if he had any say. 

*****

THE END! YAHOO!!

Didya like it? Didya? Hope so!!! REIVEW!!!


	8. Sherlock Mia and the Cookie Jar Caper: b...

**The Golden Sun One-Shot Panoply** (once again an attempt at bold typeface)

By: Many many many many many many…ok, not that many…authors. Next chapter I'll rewrite the list. IMPORTANT NOTICE FOR ALL PARTICIPATING OSP MEMBERS AT END.

P/N: A little fic from a late joiner here…it's really funny, and kinda cute in its own way. Just, Isaac fans, no rabid attacks on author or poster, alright? Or else no more fic for you! (Just kidding.)

A big thanks to all my reviewers: **Kyarorain, Jupiter Sprite, Ivanfanatic, Yoshimi Takahashi, Azusasan, Griffinkhan, Alexditto, Yuriko the Chaotic Slurpee, SSJ-KybokSilverfang, Midnight, Akiko and Kadevi.** That's…12! WHOO! I beat Azusasan!! (And mid too!) …Sorry, I just needed to do that…  
Anyway…be reading!

*****

Sherlock Mia And The Cookie Jar Caper

By Yoshimi Takahashi

A/N: Okay, just to let you know, this is not actually based on any of Sherlock Holmes books. It's just a twisted little mystery fic that makes no sense. But, if you've read any of my other fanfictions, you'll know that I _never_ make sense; it ruins the humour!

Notice: No characters were...permanently...hurt during the making of this fic. And, no, I'm not the author of Sherlock Holmes _or_ the creator of Golden Sun.

***

A blond stranger in a _very_ familiar yellow scarf was walking the streets of London--er, Valedon, walking down Baker--I mean, Imilaker Street. Over the house of 2222-Z, there was a sign reading _Sherlock Mia: Cases Solved, Unless I Have To Do Anything_. Blinking in confusion for a moment, the stranger...aw, I'm not fooling anyone, Isaac walked in. Immediately, he wished he hadn't.

_Squeak, squaik, squawk_. A violin was being played _very_ badly. Isaac clamped hands over his ears. Luckily, the music stopped when the violinist...amateur violinist...idiot attempting to play the violin...someone exercising cruelty to music lovers...noticed him.

"_Isaac-chan!_" With this cry, Sherlock Mia clamped onto Isaac. "Dr. Ivan! Isaac-chan is here!"

Isaac just had time to notice Dr. Ivan before he was swept into a kiss. Then he didn't notice much of anything except that!

"Hang on a second!" Yoshimi, our friendly neighbourhood author, stomped on scene. "You aren't supposed to know each other yet!"

Mia broke off the kiss. "It's love at first sight!"

"Then how do you know his name?" Yoshimi asked.

"I guessed," Mia suggested.

"Humph." In a puff of bright violet smoke ("THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!"), our author disappeared. But he's not important. Even though he's writing that. Boy, don't you hate it when fics turn on you? Anyway, back to our story.

Well, we can't get back to our story for several minutes, because that I can't write romance scenes, so, at the risk of alienating the Mudshippers...

Time passed. Then more time passed. Then Isaac and Mia had to be dragged apart by several impatient readers. Well, okay, a couple of readers. One? I think.

Back to the story, yet again.

"So, Isaac, what brings you here? Crime?" Mia asked.

"Huh? Uh, what?" Obviously, Isaac needed a little more time before he was coherent. "I forget...line."

"You're afraid someone's going to murder you, so you'd like Mia's protection!" hissed the Random Lines Dude, who isn't important either.

"Oh, yeah! You're afraid someone's going to murder you, so you'd like Mia's protection! Wait, that didn't sound right...line."

The Random Lines Dude was too busy hitting his head against the wall multiple times to give the next line.

Sherlock Mia, being the brilliant detective (or, at least she's using his name), figured our the gist of what he was saying. She then made an educated comment.

"_NOOO! DON'T HURT MY **ISAAC-CHAN!**_"

Isaac watched nervously as Mia ground her teeth and made strangling gestures with her hands.

"Um...Dr. Ivan?" Isaac asked nervously.

No response.

"Ivan?"

Nothing.

"Dr. _Ivan_. _Iv_an. _DR. IVAN!_"

Zip, zilch, nada.

"**_DR. IVAN!_**" Isaac shouted, jumping up and down on Dr. Ivan.

"One moment," Ivan said loudly. Reaching into his ears, he pulled out a pair of earplugs. "Yes?"

"I'm afraid that I'm going to be murdered, becau..."

"Would you please be more precise?" Dr. Ivan requested. Seeing Isaac glance at the still fuming Mia, Ivan added calmly, "Don't worry; this is normal."

"..."

"Speak up, I can't hear you!" Dr. Ivan asked.

"**...**"

"Oh no! He's gone into his mute stage!" Dr. Ivan exclaimed.

"Just perfect," Mia muttered. "I guess we'll have to go see you tonight."

Isaac waved his arms in protest. "...**...**..._...**...**_... !!!!" he explained.

"See you tonight!" Dr. Ivan told him cheerfully as he shoved him outdoors.

&&&

Sherlock Mia and her faithful companion, Dr. Ivan, arrived at the Isaac Manor. The butler, Kyle, met them at the door.

"I want to talk to Isaac," Mia ordered.

"I am afraid that is impossible at the moment," Kyle replied in the proper butler manner. Just to be suitably British, he added, "Pip, pip, and all that."

"Come on! We just want to go see Isaac!" Dr. Ivan exclaimed.

"Ah! _That _is possible, I say," Kyle replied.

"What? It's possible to see him, but not talk to him?" Mia asked in confusion.

"Rather, old fruit," Kyle answered.

"OLD?!"

Kyle, appearing not to notice Mia being forcefully restrained by Ivan, continued, "Lord Isaac is rather busy. Wot wot."

"He'll see _me_," Mia insisted.

"Probably not. You see, he is engaged in dying."

"_WHAT?_"

"Well, we believe he is finished doing so, but Lord Isaac always taught us to not rush things, wot."

"Let us _in_!" Mia growled.

"We are not allowed to let anyone on the premises unless it is a direct order from Lord Isaac, and he's dead now."

Mia cast Glacier and pushed past the obtrusive butler. Dr. Ivan followed.

"Goodness gracious, eh, what!" the ice cube exclaimed.

&&&

They found Isaac on the ground. Pieces of red pottery surrounded him, as well as several crumbling cookies.

"This is terrible!" Mia gasped.

"I know!" Ivan commented. "No chocolate chip."

Mia hit Ivan over the head with her ankh and continued searching the area. The red pottery came from what must have been a cookie jar. There was a lit candle that had been set down on the table with quite a bit of liquid wax. On the same table, there was some flour spilt around and a measuring cup. All the ingredients were on a shelf, except for the flour jar, which was nearby the table.

"Dr. Ivan," Mia told Ivan, who was groggily getting up at this point. "Go get Master Kraden."

Ivan tottered off, clutching his head.

Mia took another quick look around and noticed a string of bells for calling the servants. Unfortunately, they were cut off. Upon closer examination of the victim (not _there_, Mia!), she saw strings from there in his hand. It appeared he had tried to call the servants to him at the time of the crime.

Standing on a chair and reaching up high enough, she was able to grab one of the ropes and pull on it.

"There's going to be mildew on this if they don't dry it off," Mia muttered darkly. "Or warm the place up."

By this time, Dr. Ivan had returned with the renowned (and, to some, infamous) scholar, Master Kraden.

Addressing Master Kraden while she put out the candle, she asked, "Can you figure out how much time has elapsed since this candle was lit?"

After much scientific mutterings that you probably have no interest in and I was unable to catch, Kraden came to the solution that it had been lit within the last half hour.

During this time, the servants...servant (boy, is Isaac cheap!)...had arrived, carrying the unthawing Kyle along with them. Mia had instructed them to bring _everyone_ on the premises to the room. She also whispered something to Ivan, and he busied himself with the task, whatever it was.

The first to arrive was Lord Felix of Elemental Manor. A distinguished nobleman, he had been invited to visit the Isaac Manor for the weekend, along with several other lords. He unfortunately had laryngitis, which didn't make much of a difference, actually.

Following on his heals was Lord Garet of...well, its _official_ name is Mars Manor, but it's known more commonly as Garet's All-You-Can-Eat Restaurant. Apparently, he invites people over for his _enormous_ dinners, and it's all for free...if you can eat more than he can. No one has yet succeeded.

Kyle and Dora, the only servants of the cheap Lord Isaac, also came in, but it was nearly fifteen minutes later when Lord Alex of Alchemy Hall was able to arrive. He had been out for a ride, and had to gallop to make it back in time. Dr. Ivan had sent a mental message to him.

After Mia explained what they had found, the accusations started immediately.

"The butler did it! It's in all the mysteries!" Dora accused.

"What about equality? Maids are as every bit as suspicious as butlers!" Kyle returned.

"Never mind you two. These marks are made from Psynergy blasts, although of what element, I am not sure," Kraden remarked.

"Okay, so let's question the Adepts. Lord Felix." Mia pointed to the said nobility.

"..."

"Lord Felix?"

"**...**" Felix exclaimed. "...!**!**!**!!**!**...**"

"He can't even speak for his defence! That's proof of..."

"Laryngitis," Ivan muttered.

"Guilt!" Mia finished, ignoring Ivan. "Next, Lord Alex."

"Why would I?" Lord Alex asked in his smoothest tone. "I dislike cookies."

"I knew there was something I didn't like about you," Garet muttered.

"If you ask Master Kraden, then he will tell you that I he saw me a good fifteen minute gallop away ten minutes ago. I waved to him. And, may I point out, Kyle helped me into my saddle thirty or so minutes ago."

"Garet?" Mia asked.

"_Lord_ Garet!" Garet said haughtily.

"Garet," Mia repeated.

"Don't address your superiors like that!" Garet continued to be haughty.

"I'm the legendary Sherlock Mia, famous throughout the world," Mia replied. "You're just a minor character to add confusion as to who is the villain. Also, I'm the main character; I can do whatever I want. So there." Mia stuck out her tongue.

"Why would I? It appears that they went after the cookies, and there aren't even any chocolate chip," he concluded sadly.

"Aha! How would you _know_ there weren't any chocolate chip?" Dr. Ivan asked.

"..." Garet had no answer for this.

"Well, we have our three suspects. Now," Sherlock Mia looked at each one closely. "Which one of you is it?"

INTERMISSION 

Can _you_ solve the crime? Is it the enigmatic Felix? Or the even more enigmatic Alex? Or is it the enigmatic as a chocolate box Garet? Oh, yes, _Lord_ Felix, _Lord_ Alex, and _Lord _Garet.

Tick, tick, tick...

Time's up! Now, did you guess correctly?

SOLUTION 

"I accuse 'Lord' Alex!" Sherlock Mia waved a threatening finger.

"Me?" Alex asked, sarcastically. "What gave me away? My airtight alibi? My lack of motive?"

"Well, here's what _really_ gave you away. First, I thought that you were guilty as soon as you entered the room!" Mia began.

"Biases," Alex said dismissively.

"Then I asked the Random Lines Guy, and he explained the plot," Mia continued. "Okay, let me try to remember...firstly. When Sherlock Mia...hey, that's me!...called for the servants, she noticed that the place where the string was cut off was wet and cold! So, with her lightning-quick skills of deduction..."

"Her what?" Ivan asked.

"...I have no idea...well, she figured out that the strings must have cut by an Ice Missile, which melted, making it cold and damp! Next off, we've got the 'airtight alibi'. Alex knows Teleport, people!"

"What about a motive?" Ivan inquired.

"Well, the author was _really_ vague about this one, and you'd have to be a genius at lateral thinking or something, because he thought it was already too obvious; I still think it's cheating, though. See, the pottery is red, right?"

"Right," everyone chorused, except Felix, who replied, "..."

"So, something red would blend into the pottery. What does Isaac have that's red and someone would want?"

"Has he invented some kind of red cookie?" Garet pondered.

"That red plate thing he always wears?" Kraden guessed wildly.

"**!!!**" Felix exclaimed.

"Felix is correct!" Mia shouted, then paused. "Wait a second, how did I know what he said?"

"???"

"Oh, well. It is...this!" Mia walked over and picked up a small stone.

"The Mars Star!" Garet ("LORD GARET!"), Kyle, and Dora yelled in shock.

"**_!!!_**" Felix exclaimed.

"In a cookie jar?" Ivan asked.

"I guess because no one would look there," Kraden supposed.

"So, you found out my plan," Alex said in the tone of voice that villains use when they're trying to make the crowd cower in terror and drop all of their popcorn onto someone else's lap, thereby making whoever got popcorn in their lap defer their attention towards the person who dumped the popcorn, so they won't notice that the evil person is in fact using the movie or television show to take over their minds and rule the world, and I'm just trying to make the world's longest run-on sentence to see if I can annoy Alex, and it appears to be working; watch his face turn red; hey, I'm making Alex get angry, and I should get some kind of award for doing that, oh, here comes the explosion, and...

"**_AAAAAAAAAAARGH!_**" Alex yelled in frustration in the tone of voice that villains use when they're trying to make...

Alex just tried to kill the author in the fashion of villains when they're...

Ow. Froth Spirals hurt. Back to the story...

"_So._ You. Found. Out. My. Plan," Alex gritted, still not over the run-on sentence (score!). "Well, I can just teleport out, and you'll never find me!"

Alex casts Teleport!

But the Psynergy was blocked!

"Hey, what the?" Alex asked in confusion.

"Heh," Mia smiled. "Sherlock Mia, the world's greatest detective, is prepared for everything. I had my assistant, Dr. Ivan, prepare a Bind that even the great (well, mediocre) Alex couldn't fake himself out of."

"Well, Alex, the super genius, is prepared for anything, too!" Alex told her pompously.

With that, he dived for the open window.

With that, Isaac sat up.

With that, Alex tripped over Isaac.

With that, the reader(s) maimed Yoshimi for using "with that" too much.

And changing paragraphs a lot in a feeble attempt to make this look longer.

Right.

&&&

"And that's about it," Sherlock Mia said in a let's-wrap-things-up voice. "Lord Alex was sent to jail (although I doubt he'll be there long), Isaac has been found to have only been unconscious, Garet apparently knew that there wasn't any chocolate chip because he tried to steal from the cookie jar, and Yoshimi has been released from hospital after being maimed by his reader(s). So, until next time..."

"Next time?" Dr. Ivan asked.

"Of course! Yoshimi said he'd make a series if this was popular, and since it has me in the starring role, how can it be anything but an instant success?" Mia replied.

"Right."

*****

Great story Yoshimi! Now…for the OSP members…

Griff's is the next story I have. IT IS THE LAST STORY IN LINE. SOMEONE OUT THERE (Triad (sit!), Elena, Feo…) HAS TO GIVE ME A STORY.

Another option is to have you guys write second stories. Like, randomish ones. Just whatever you come up with. So…review!

And to Kyarorain: Of course you can join. We welcome everybody!


	9. Kraden: Rise of Annoyance: by Griffinkha...

The Golden Sun One-Shot Panoply 

By: Did I say I'd retype the list of authors this chapter? *long sigh* Ok, here goes…

Triad Orion, Midnight C, Akiko, Elena, Griffinkhan, Jupiter Sprite, Feonyx, Shiro Amayagi, Yoshimi Takahashi, Kadevi, heatherthegreatone, Azusasan, Village Idiot and myself, Vilya. And if I've forgotten you, feel free to shout at me.

P/N: This is what happens when Griff reads too much Terry Pratchett and plays too much Golden Sun all at the same time. You've been warned. Other that that it's hilarious! ENJOY!!!

Many thanks to all reviewers of Yoshimi's chapter!!

*****

This is a story about one of the most feared people in Weyard. However, it is not about Saturos or Menardi, nor Karst or Agatio. It is not about Babi or the Alhalfran Mayor. It is not about the Wise One. It is not about Alex. It is not even about that idiot Conservato.  
  
This story is about Kraden.   
  
Yes, Kraden. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-For-Fear-He-Will-Turn-Up-And-Start-Lecturing-About-Alchemy-And/Or-Turnips. The most annoying person on the planet. Death count- 5 random villagers and a llama, all bored to death. We all know him. We all fear his power. Nevertheless, even a boring, scholarly creature such as he is shrouded by mysterious, unanswered questions that it would do not bringing up within a hundred miles of him because he would start researching them. Questions such as- How did he become so annoying? Was he born that way? Or did some traumatic event in his childhood create the geezer we know today?  
  
No one knew- until now.  
  
We, because we were bored and felt like referring to ourselves in the plural, have compiled this exclusive documentary story of Kraden's origins for your enlightenment and reading displeasure. It follows his life from his boyhood years to the fateful day he arrived in a little village called Vale. But be warned- It is boring. It is frightening. It may scar you for life. However, the best way to conquer fear is to learn about it, and by discovering what created Kraden, we may be able to prevent another like him from ever appearing again.  
  
Read on, if you dare.   
  


----------------------------------------------  
  
KRADEN: RISE OF ANNOYANCE  
  
by Griffinkhan  
  
-----------  
  
  
"Yes, he's terribly irritating. You're quite right, Felix."  
  
_--Kraden, describing the Alhalfran Mayor.  
  
_----  
  
  
  
1: THE BOY WHO WAS ANNOYING

**_K_**raden had always been a precocious child. Ever since his birth, his difference from other children was readily apparent. Perhaps it was the fact that he was born wearing wire-framed spectacles, or that by the age of two days he was already reading the newspaper. Whatever the case, Kraden was different, and he knew it. He was a Scholar, one of the strange race that grow up to become old men that spend their time perusing boring scientific tomes and performing experiments. Kraden was destined for knowledge, and he immediately began reading anything he could get his tiny infant hands on to pursue this lofty goal.  
  
Unfortunately for the young Kraden, reading was not much encouraged in his hometown of Ook, a tiny village in the western Angaran mountains. His mother, a housewife, and father, a goatherd, were both illiterate and proud of it. They only subscribed to the newspaper because it made good fuel for the fire. Their sentiments were shared by most of the townsfolk, meaning that young Kraden's literacy was received with little enthusiasm. The young scholar was treated as just another mouth to feed, albeit a rather annoying one By the age of fourteen months, at which time he had read every survival guide in the crumbling public library and was deemed capable of fending for himself, the future scholar was sent out of his home to tend the goats.  
  
Goat herding was the major occupation of Ook. Every young boy was expected to follow his father's example and become a herder. Kraden was no exception. Every day, from nine to five, the young Kraden was up in the pasture, holding a shepherd's staff and watching the billy goats that stood at least five feet taller than him eat clover. It was thoroughly boring. After a while, Kraden decided not to let this time go to waste. He started to bring books to the pasture and read aloud to the goats. They were a very attentive audience.  
  
Kraden read all the books the dusty, long-neglected village library had to offer, and a few that it didn't. When he finished reading every scrap of written material in the town, he read it all again and memorized it. By the age of two, he could recite Newton's _Principia Mathematica _in its entirety. In the original Latin. Backwards.  
  
When Kraden was three, the problems began.  
  
It started when Kraden began spouting his newfound knowledge to the other villagers. If someone was going to get a bucket of water, he told him or her the exact number of steps they had to take to reach the well in the shortest amount of time. If someone asked him about the weather, he would go into a lengthy discussion about cumulonimbus clouds and their usefulness in weather predicting. If his mother was fixing dinner, he would make suggestions to improve her efficiency and attempt to experiment with different spices. In short, he got on the town's nerves.  
  
However, it was when Kraden suggested altering the goat-herding process that people became really angry. For centuries, every male in the village herded goats, and every female cooked and cleaned. They ate the goats for food, drank goats milk, made goat cheese, and sold the surplus to other villages for extra necessities. This was the tradition, and Kraden did not think it a good practice.  
  
"Father," the boy said one day as he and the man were walking up to the goat pasture, "Have you ever considered switching to sheep?"  
  
"_Sheep?_" his father replied incredulously. "What th' heck are you talkin' 'bout, boy?"  
  
"I mean," Kraden continued pleasantly, "There is much greater market potential for sheep wool than goat wool. And sheep can produce milk too, you know. I was reading about successful sheep-milking techniques in one of the library books. Moreover, lamb is a popular meal among the wealthy these days. Our village could increase its revenue intake by 43% by switching to the sheep market."  
  
The goatherd, however, had not comprehended a word the young boy said beyond, 'switch to sheep.' His son had just said the unthinkable. _He had criticized the noble art of goat-herding!  
  
_ Something had to be done. Kraden's father immediately turned back to the village and called the town council together.   
  
"This boy," he said, pointing at Kraden, who was chattering about the water cycle to a passing butterfly. "This boy had th' audacity t' denounce our ancient practice of goat-herdin'!"  
  
Whispers broke out among the council members, partially because of the revelation and partially because they weren't quite sure what 'audacity' and 'denounce' meant. It seemed that Kraden's rather extensive vocabulary was contagious, and his father had been infected.  
  
"He suggested tha' we should switch t' sheep instead!" continued the young scholar's parent. "Furthahmore, he is pollutin' our village with his foreign ideas an' lengthy dialogue! See, even ah'm usin' words with more'n six lettahs now!"  
  
The villagers nodded their assent. "Heah, heah!"  
  
"Yeah!" cried a peasant in the back row. "Las' week, ah actuallee described th' weatha as 'partly cloudy with a chance of showers'!"  
  
The mutterings among the townsfolk grew louder still. There were murmurs of 'witchcraft' and 'bonfire' among them.  
  
"Wha' should we do about 'im?" asked one of the more sensible elders of the town.  
  
"He's a witch!" a housewife called. "What else could'ee be?"  
  
"Yes! A witch! Burn him!" cried the villagers. "Burn him!"  
  
Kraden looked up at this, as the noise had frightened the butterfly off. "I believe that witches are normally females," he remarked. "A male possessing magical powers would be one of the following- warlock, wizard, sorcerer, magician, alchemist, shaman, diviner, enchanter, soothsayer, seer, mystic, prophet, wise man, conjurer, charmer, theurgist, witch doctor, medicine man, mage--"  
  
The villagers covered their ears as Kraden slipped into Thesaurus mode. "See! See! 'Ee's trying t' edumucate us! 'Ee's a witch!"  
  
"There is one sure way t' see if he is a witch," said the sensible elder sternly. "We must perform-I mean, do-- The Test of th' Goat!"  
  
"The Test of th' Goat! The Test of th' Goat!" the villagers cried.  
  
Meanwhile, on the sidelines of the proceedings, a stranger with graying hair and a long cloak leaned over to one of the townsfolk. "What is the Test of the Goat?" he asked.  
  
"If th' boy weighs th' same as a goat, then he's a witch!" the excited villager stated.  
  
"It is physically impossible for a child of my stature to weigh the same amount as a fully-grown mountain goat," Kraden said, overhearing the conversation. He did not appear in the least concerned about his proposed burning. In fact, he seemed to think it a fascinating learning opportunity. The stranger watched the boy appraisingly, as the villagers brought in a billy goat and placed it on one side of a set of enormous scales.  
  
"It would be much more efficient to weigh objects using a more precise scale," Kraden prattled as the townsfolk lifted him onto the other side of the balance. "This one is extremely crude and not very accurate. If you would allow me to look at it for a few minutes, I am sure I could devise a better system--"  
  
A man kicked the supports away, and the scales began to swing. The villagers watched it for a moment, then groaned when they showed that clearly, Kraden weighed much more than the goat.  
  
"What're we gonna do now?" the peasant in the back row said.  
  
"Get a different goat?" someone suggested. Several people nodded approvingly.  
  
"Well, we 'ave t' do something!" Kraden's father said. "'E can't stay in our village!"  
  
It was at this moment that the stranger decided to act. Stepping up to the front of the group, he addressed the crowd.   
  
"Good people of Ook," he began. "My name is Babi. I am the ruler of the great city of Tolbi."  
  
"Toll-bee?" an old lady asked. "Wha's that?"  
  
"It is a large city, on the other side of the mountains." Babi answered. "One of the most famous in the land, I might add."  
  
"Never 'eard of it," the woman grumbled.  
  
"Most in Tolbi have never heard of Ook, dear lady, so we're even." Babi conceded. "But that is not the point. What _is_ is that I believe I have a solution to your dilemma."  
  
"Our wha'?" the peasant in the back row asked, scratching his head.  
  
Kraden, who had been quietly observing how long an ant could survive after being squashed, piped up, "Dilemma- a problem, quandary, enigma, question, issue, doubt, predicament, obstacle, perplexity--"  
  
"Yes, yes, I think they get the point." Babi interrupted. "Anyway, I have an answer for you. I shall take this boy with me to Tolbi, and you won't have to worry about him anymore."  
  
"Wha's the catch?" Kraden's father asked, glaring at the stranger with suspicion.  
  
"Nothing, my dear fellow," Babi smiled disarmingly, "However... I could do with a bit of your fabulous goatsmilk cheese..."  
  
"Done." The goatherd shook Babi's hand. He then turned to Kraden. "Goodbye, son, an' good riddance. Try not t' annoy these Toll-bee folks t' death..."  
  
It was in this manner that Kraden came under the employ of Lord Babi of Tolbi. Though it was a simple matter of survival to the villagers, unwittingly their giving of this young boy to the ruler of the biggest city-state in Angara set in motion a chain of events that would end in the rise of the most annoying scholar ever to study Weyard's soil composition- Kraden.  
  


2: I WAS A TEENAGE SCHOLAR

Tolbi. City of Colosso. The crime capital of the world (well, excluding Lunpa, of course.) It was the perfect place to go if you wanted to learn, which, obviously, Kraden did. Babi took the toddler scholar to the palace, where he was enrolled in the Tolbi Alchemy Research Institute under the tutelage of the head alchemist, a man by the name of Dr. Einstone. Despite his young age, Kraden learned quickly, and at the age of fourteen he became the youngest fully trained scientist in the Institute.  
  
Life in Tolbi was much different from life in Ook. For one thing, there was not a single goat in sight, for which Kraden was exceedingly glad. He had developed a violent phobia to the creatures. For another, there were many, many more people here, some of whom actually knew how to _read_. Kraden was overjoyed at this discovery, and spent a large amount of his time at the Library of Tolbi, which contained a copy of every book ever printed in Angara. He held long, technical conversations with the librarians, and found to his delight a few knew more about Alchemy than he did. Days for Kraden now were filled with Alchemy experiments in the morning, research at the library in the afternoon, and then some more experimentation in the evening before taking a short (and in Kraden's opinion, completely unnecessary) break for sleep and starting the cycle all over again the following day. It was a simple and pleasant life, and it suited Kraden perfectly.  
  
Just because he was obsessed with science didn't mean Kraden didn't know how to have fun, however. Once a month, the young scholar would participate in the Institute's Jeopardy!™ competition. With categories like "Theories on Alchemy", "The Periodic Table", "Name That Formula!" and "Words that Rhyme with Orange", this game was all the rage among the younger staff members. Kraden soon shot to the top of the contest with his alchemiac knowledge, although he did have a tendency to ramble when giving the answer. On one memorable night, "The formula for table salt" prompted Kraden's infamous answer 'What is NaCl3, which reminds me of my great-aunt Sally Nac who lived in the next town over from ours and owned a goat named Joe who loved to eat salt but this was a problem because he was actually allergic to it and--" The scholar continued rambling for twenty-five hours, finally finishing with the statement- "And that's why apricots are considered weapons of mass destruction."* No one knows exactly how he managed to arrive at apricots from table salt, as all eyewitnesses fell asleep somewhere around the second sentence.  
  
But the Jeopardy!™ hall was the place of another momentous development in young Kraden's life. It was here that he met Eleanor Smith, the woman destined to be the only thing able to capture his heart apart from a good Calculus textbook. Eleanor was a lab assistant to one of the junior scientists, and loved Jeopardy!™. She and Kraden met when they competed in a head-to-head championship tournament. Amazingly enough, Eleanor knew just as much about Alchemy as Kraden did, and managed to defeat him after a day-long battle when she recited a 100,000 page ancient Lemurian essay from memory during Final Jeopardy!™. It was in that moment, when Kraden looked over at Eleanor holding the glittering Champion's Trophy, her hair taking on the same shimmer as the molecular composition of the gold, that he _knew_..._knew..._ he had left the burner on in Dr. Einstone's laboratory. He heard a distant explosion that heralded the building's collapse, but he did not care, for he was in love.  
  
Well, actually, he did care.  
  
Kraden jumped to his feet and dashed towards the door, throwing Eleanor one last, longing glance before heading off to rescue his precious Alchemy experiments from the burning building.  
  
Fortunately, the _Alchemy Encyclopaedia_ that had been stored in the lab had only suffered minor burns, and Dr. Einstone and Kraden moved into the secondary laboratory next door, which, by some fortunate coincidence, happened to be where Eleanor worked. Now the two young scientists saw each other every day, meeting over bubbling vats of liquid and test tubes of colored water. Eleanor and Kraden soon became good friends, often meeting to discuss difficult Alchemiac theories or the price of tea in Xian.   
  
By the time the two scholars were eighteen, they were acknowledged as the top researchers in the Institute. As a team, they were unbeatable. It was thanks to their ingenuity and a few fortunate accidents in the course of their Alchemiac research that the Angaran public received such remarkable innovations as porcelain, super glue, and income tax returns. Their fame rose among the scientific circles and even reached the ear of Babi himself. At the age of nineteen, Kraden was made head scientist of the Institute, replacing the elderly Dr. Einstone, who had retired after an unfortunate incident with a rabid lab mouse and an inflatable rubber chicken.  
  
Naturally, Eleanor was chosen to be Kraden's assistant. Actually, she was more the head of the Institute than Kraden was. While he puttered away with volatile chemicals in the laboratory, Eleanor did the paperwork, filed for patents, went to meetings, conducted extra research, directed the day-to-day activities of the facility, and reminded the forgetful scholar of his dentist's appointments. It was somewhere during the course of these duties that Eleanor fell madly in love with Kraden. (We have no idea why. She has pretty stupid tastes in men, if you ask us.)  
  
Nevertheless, she did fall in love, although she was too shy to tell this to Kraden. He was already in love with her, as we know... well, whenever he wasn't in love with his textbooks, that is. He went through phases. Anyway, Eleanor Smith and Kraden... err, well, he doesn't have a last name... were both deeply in love, but neither knew the other's feelings. And of course, we all know what's going to happen next...  
  


3: LOVE: ALCHEMY OF THE HEART

One day in Spring, Eleanor was walking along the corridor near the laboratories. It was a beautiful early March morning. The birds were singing, the sky was baby-blue, the breeze was blowing, and there wasn't a cloud in sight. It was the perfect day for being outside... so, of course, Kraden wasn't.  
  
He was sitting in his laboratory as usual, puttering about with hydrochloric acid and a few other materials that Eleanor was sure shouldn't be mixed. Kraden was so completely engrossed in his work that he didn't even notice Eleanor watching him. His spectacles slipped down the bridge of his nose and his black hair fell into his bright blue eyes. Eleanor thought he must be the most handsome man on Weyard. (You must remember that this poor girl has never met Picard.)  
  
Eleanor decided that she could not wait any longer. She had to tell Kraden how she felt, now. Throwing caution to the prevailing westerly wind currents, she tiptoed up behind Kraden and just as he set the vial of explosive chemicals back on the table, spun him around. For a second, their eyes locked together and then Eleanor leaned forward, her lips brushing against Kraden's--  
  
Kraden, naturally, was rather pleased at this abrupt turn of events. Nevertheless he was also rather startled by having his assistant suddenly rush in and start to kiss him. Because of this, Kraden accidentally leaned backwards out of sheer shock when their lips met, causing the vial of chemicals behind him to skid across the marble countertop and shatter on the floor. There was a violent explosion. Neither of the scholars paid it much heed, however, as they were absorbed in other things at the moment. Their kiss lasted for two whole minutes, until Kraden noticed the fascinating reaction the spilled chemicals were having. He quickly broke apart, mumbling something about scientific breakthroughs under his breath.  
  
_Ah, well,_ Eleanor thought as Kraden observed the charred, bubbling section of floor tiling with growing excitement, _I suppose it's a start...  
  
_   
  
Eleanor was quite right. Over the years that followed, the pair of young scholars grew even closer. Eventually, Kraden proposed, in a memorable scene that involved blowing Babi Palace to smithereens. At the age of twenty-two, Kraden and Eleanor were married by Babi, who had forgiven Kraden for the palace's demolition after the scholar had presented him with the invention of Kleenex. The city celebrated the marriage and the obsoleteness of pocket-handkerchiefs with a huge festival, rivaling even Colosso in size. Everyone in Tolbi was happy that day- except, of course, the pocket-handkerchiefs.  
  
Kraden and Eleanor moved into a lovely little cottage on the Karagol, complete with laboratory and bomb shelter. They lived there happily for several years, inventing things and researching alchemy. When the happy couple were married seven years, they celebrated the birth of their first child, a healthy baby boy.  
  
"What shall we name him?" Eleanor asked her husband, as she lay in her bed at Tolbi Hospital, cradling the newborn in her arms.  
  
Kraden thought for a moment. "Iodine," he said proudly. "After my favorite chemical."  
  
Eleanor looked skeptical. "Are you sure, Kraden? That's not a very... er... common name..."  
  
"All the better!" Kraden said cheerfully. Eleanor sighed and shook her head.  
  
"All right... if you say so..."  
  
  
  
Life continued on as normal after the birth of baby Iodine Emmett Kraden, or as normal as life could ever be whenever the young boy's father was involved. Inventions were made, villagers were annoyed, and alchemical breakthroughs were discovered. Kraden's fame spread throughout the land, finally reaching the ears of very distant persons.  
  
"Kraden," Eleanor said one morning, going through the mail. "There's a letter here for you. Are you going to open it?"  
  
"Mmm..." Kraden answered, bent over his charts with pencil in hand. "Not now, Eleanor, I'm busy."  
  
Eleanor sighed in exasperation. "You're _always_ busy, Kraden. Morning, noon, and night, you're working on some stupid Alchemy experiment or other. Do you realize that we haven't even slept in the same bed once since we got married because you're always pulling extra hours at the lab?"  
  
This caught Kraden's attention. "Then where did Iodine come from?" he asked, looking startled.  
  
"He was a _test tube baby!_"  
  
"Oh." Kraden answered, looking puzzled for a moment before returning to his charts. "That's nice, dear."  
  
Eleanor sighed and stuck the letter under Kraden's nose. "Are you going to open it or not?! It looks important."  
  
Kraden reluctantly took the envelope and ripped it open. Inside was a very official looking envelope. "Dear Mr. Kraden..." he read. "You are invited to be a participant in the first annual Universe's Most Annoying Character Competition. The competition will be held on Saturday in the Tolbi Exhibition Hall. We hope you can come. Sincerely, Joe S. Randomguy, Competition Coordinator."  
  
"That sounds interesting," Eleanor said. "You should go, Kraden."  
  
"Mmm..."  
  
"Kraden, are you even listening to me?"  
  
  
  
Eleanor eventually managed to tear Kraden away from his experiments, and sent him off that Saturday to the competition. Characters had assembled from far and wide, comprising a vast variety of genders, genres, and species. Strangely enough for such a large event, no reporters were in sight, having all been scared off by the collection of annoying characters from every literary work known to mankind. (Well, there was one reporter at the convention, but Rita Skeeter was a contestant and so really can't be counted.)  
  
Kraden wandered among the chattering conventioneers and the colorful display boards, taking in the sights and sounds. He was especially fascinated by the variety of life that had attended the gathering, although his attempt to dismantle a gold-colored robot were not taken too kindly by his subject. Finally, the judging was announced. Kraden came in third place, behind Navi the Fairy and Jar-Jar Binks. Still, Kraden felt that the outcome was not too bad, considering that at this point in his life, he wasn't even in a video game yet.   
  
Babi was most pleased to hear about Kraden's award as well. He felt it might have potential as a tourist attraction. The noble conducted an advertising campaign that boasted that Tolbi was 'The Home Of the Universe's Third Most Annoying Being'. He was rather confused when, twelve months later, statistics showed that in the previous year Tolbi had had the least amount of visitors in its history.  
  
Not long afterwards, he scrapped the promotion campaign.  
  


4: TRAGEDY STRIKES

Up until this point in time, Kraden's life had been going well. He was respected as much as it was possible to respect an annoying scholar, had a good job, a nice home, and a loving family. However, as all readers of fanfiction know, an idyllic situation like this can only last so long before some author jumps in and starts causing chaos. Thus was the case for poor Kraden, who had his entire world ripped from him in one tragic afternoon.  
  
It all began after the infamous promotion campaign. Babi, realizing that his city's reputation had taken a startling plummet, decided that something must be done to boost tourist revenues. Sitting in his office, he doodled absentmindedly on a napkin while gazing out the window. What they needed was something... thrilling. Something exciting. Something...  
  
Out of the corner of his eye he noticed movement outside. Past the window ran Kraden, tailed by a very irate billy goat. Apparently, the scholar had come upon the creature during a walk in the country and had immediately panicked. He still had not overcome his fear of goats from childhood. The goat, taking Kraden's abrupt departure to mean that he had been up to something, gave chase. The unfortunate scholar was pursued all the way back to Tolbi, where he happened to pass underneath the ruler's window.   
  
_That's it!_ thought Babi as he watched a pair of his guards try to subdue the irate farm animal. _That's what we should do to boost tourism! Hold a big festival where we let loose some goats and let them chase people! We can call it... the Running of the Goats!  
  
_ Once Babi got an idea lodged in his brain, he did not give it up easily. Within the next day preparations were being made and goats and tourists were pouring into the city. Everyone seemed thrilled about the prospect of being chased around by deranged goats... except Kraden. When he heard the news, he promptly jumped under the bed. It took Eleanor twelve hours to get him to come out again, and that was only after threatening to burn his alchemy books. Therefore, when the female scholar announced her intention the next day of visiting the festival, her husband's reaction was predictable.  
  
"Noooooo!" Kraden yelped, latching onto Eleanor's leg to prevent her from leaving the house. "You mustn't go! Something awful will happen!"  
  
Eleanor laughed. "It's just a bunch of goats, Kraden."  
  
"Not just goats, evil goats! Goats are evil spawn of darkness!"  
  
"Stop being so dramatic, Kraden." Eleanor said dismissively. "Just because you're a goatophobic doesn't mean that I can't go out and enjoy the festival. It's perfectly safe."  
  
Kraden whimpered pathetically, still clinging to her leg. Eleanor marveled that her husband seemed to be most aware of the world when he was suffering a mental breakdown.  
  
"It's all right," she said, patting him on the head soothingly. "I'm only going to be gone a few hours. Oh, and Iodine's in the day-care center, make sure you pick him up later this afternoon."  
  
Kraden whimpered again, but nodded and consented to release his death grip on her legs. Eleanor blew him a kiss and headed out the door, calling over her shoulder, "I'll be back before dinner!"  
  
Kraden knew she wouldn't. Something awful was going to happen to her, he could feel it. He couldn't just leave his wife to wander among a city of rampaging goats. He must do something!  
  
Quickly, he ran into his study, picked up an encyclopedia from off the shelf, and began to read. It was an involuntary reflex. When Kraden was frightened, he read. It was how he solved problems. Most of the time, it was a good system, as it was today. It did not take him long to find the section labeled, "What To Do If You Wife Is Entering Mortal Danger Involving Farmyard Animals." He eagerly scanned the page, which detailed instrutions to rectifying his problem.  
  
"_Onne. Ye myust take a pinchee of powdered asphodel root,   
_ _and adde it to a phial of grounde herbal leafes.  
  
_ _Two. Drinkee the solution. If absoluteley nothinge happens,   
_ _then ye hast brewede it correctly.  
  
_ _Three. Run after your wife, ye idiot!"  
  
_ Kraden, being a true scholar, followed the encyclopedia's instructions exactly. After drinking the foul-tasting potion, he scurried out the door, following Eleanor's trail towards the city.  
  
Once he reached the city, however, he soon became lost in a sea of people. Everyone on Weyard seemed to have crowded into the city streets, creating jams of monstrous proportions. Kraden paused in the middle of a particularly packed avenue to invent traffic law violations, and then caught sight of Eleanor at the other end of the street. Breaking about five hundred of his newly written laws, he pushed past the other pedestrians who all seemed to be running in the opposite direction and headed towards his wife.  
  
The people all around him jostled past, screaming at the top of their lungs. Kraden paid them no mind, as he could see Eleanor in the distance, looking at a vendor's display of textbooks and seemingly oblivious to the yelling crowd. When Kraden was about ten feet away from his wife, however, he saw something out of the corner of his eye and suddenly the shouts of the crowd became agonizingly clear in his ears.  
  
"THE GOAT! THE GOAT IS COMING!"  
  
Rampaging through the streets past the shop vendors was an enormous and very angry billy goat. It was at least twenty times larger than the one that chased Kraden last week and had flaming red eyes. This was no ordinary goat. This was a goat from hell.  
  
"Eleanor! Look out!" Kraden cried. His worst fears were being realized. The goat grew ever closer, trampling revelers and heading strait for the textbook display where Eleanor stood, transfixed by a wildlife guide.   
  
"ELEANOR!" Kraden shouted again. The goat was within twenty feet. He could feel its putrid breath and see the evil gleam in its fiery eyes. It lowered its head, and charged!  
  
"Kraden? What--" Eleanor asked, looking up from her book at the very last moment and seeing her husband racing towards her and screaming at the top of his lungs. It was the last thing she ever said. A moment later, the goat's horns hit the stall and thousands upon thousands of heavy hardback alchemy tomes cascaded over her head.  
  
"NO! ELEANOR!" Kraden cried in anguish, skidding to a halt and staring at the mountain of books. One of her hands protruded from beneath the pile, lying limp and motionless.  
  
The monster goat wrenched his horns free from the twisted remains of the book vendor's stall and turned its burning gaze upon Kraden. The scholar stood completely still in the middle of the road, easy prey for the demented farm animal. The goat smiled a twisted smile, and approached, horns lowered. Kraden did not move. The goat prepared to charge.  
  
Then Kraden began to talk.  
  
He talked about alchemy. He talked about science. He talked about the world and all its inhabitants.  
  
He talked about his life. He talked about his accomplishments. He talked about his dreams and ambitions.   
  
And most of all, he talked about Eleanor.  
  
The onslaught of words hit the goat like a hailstorm of steel swords. It writhed in pain, steam rising from its nostrils as it attempted to cover its ears with its hooves. Kraden just kept talking, stepping forwards and continuing to babble with all his strength. The goat screamed, twitching madly and then, when Kraden launched into a speech about the properties of Herbs in industrial development it jumped to its feet and ran, streaking through the Tolbi streets and out of sight. Some say it drowned itself in the Karagol; others simply maintain it moved to Lama Temple and became the first ever animal monk.  
  
The fate of the goat did not matter to Kraden. All he cared about was the pile of books lying undefended with no owner in sight... oh, yeah, and his wife buried underneath them.  
  
Kraden ran over to the stack and began digging through the books, frantically calling out Eleanor's name. He pulled aside a large and dangerously heavy treatise on Lunpan politics and saw her. He knew she was dead. She had the same cold empty look as the lab mice did when he forgot to feed them all week. Still, he brushed aside the remaining books and cradled her in his arms, checking for vital signs.  
  
"I'm sorry, Eleanor..." he said finally, after checking her pulse five times and finding nothing. "This is all my fault. If I hadn't been chased by that goat where Babi could observe me, none of this would have happened..." His voice broke and he stared glumly at the ground, tears beginning to form behind his glasses. "I've never been a good husband," he admitted. " I've always been too busy, or too absent-minded... But I promise you, Eleanor, that I'll never forget you. I promise that I'll take care of Iodine, and that I'll finish our Alchemy research. I promise you this, Eleanor, I... Fascinating! What an amazing specimen of _scirius carolinensis_!"** Kraden dropped Eleanor's body and leapt up in chase of the furry grey creature, crying, "Wait! Come back!"   
  
And so our tale of Kraden's life draws to a close. Eleanor was buried the next day, her headstone bearing the inscription, 'Eleanor Smith, loving wife of Kraden. How she could stand him, we'll never know.' Poor baby Iodine, forgotten by his father in the haste of scientific advancement, was left at the Tolbi Day-care center for several years until he was discovered by Babi. The Lord of Tolbi, taking pity on the poor lad, took the first three letters of the boy's first name and the first two of his middle and renamed him. Babi then took young Iodem under his wing and trained him as his assistant, a position he holds to this day.  
  
As for Kraden, he became more withdrawn from the world than ever. Spending hours locked in his study, he poured all his energy into discovering the secrets of Alchemy. He grew older and older, finally admitting that his efforts were futile. Babi, realizing that the search was fruitless, decided that the only thing to do was to send Kraden to unlock Alchemy himself. So, one bright spring morning when Kraden was sixty-five years of age, the scholar shouldered a traveling pack and headed north from the city where he had spent so much of his life. He traversed Angara, finally arriving at the gates of a small village at the foothills of a large mountain. The village was called Vale; the mountain, Mt. Aleph.   
  
And the rest, as you know, is history.  
  
  


------------------------  
  
*~THE END~*  
  
-------------------------  
  


FOOTNOTES  
  
* It might be interesting to know that not a single apricot has been found in Weyard to this day, despite the government's insistence that they are being hidden somewhere.  
  
** Roughly translated, this means, 'Hey, look! A squirrel!' 


	10. Out of Reach: by Dragon Empress

The Golden Sun One-Shot Panoply

By: The list last chapter plus Kyarorain and DE (sorry guys!) 

P/N: This chapter…well, my apologies again to DE, but it came without a title, so I had to improvise. Terribly sorry, DE—I hope it's to your liking.

Second, I know this is a bit short, and it's…well…an interesting couple…but it's worth it. Trust me.

Thousands of thanks to all the reviewers! And more apologies for the italics problem.

*****

Out of Reach 

By: Dragon Empress

When he first came to the mainland, he had fallen in love with the stars… 

It was strange too, because back in Lemuria he hadn't cared for them at all. They had been so far away back then, as cold as the moon and as far removed as Heaven.

But here they seemed so close. So close that sometimes, when he lay on his back and raised a sea-roughened hand to the black night sky, it was as if he could hold a part of the universe and keep it for himself. 

All these things that are out of reach… 

It was a bad habit of his, reaching for the unreachable. The stars were one thing, but _she_ was another. 

He liked to think that he loved her, though in the hundreds of years he had lived, nothing had ever felt like this. 

Sprit of ice, though her hands were never cold… 

And they were a strange and familiar companionship, created in the ice and the snow. They were nothing really, but to him it was everything. 

Close enough to Heaven, if he stood upon the mountains… 

But despite it all he knew she wasn't really his. They were friends instead of lovers, because her heart had always really belonged to another, and her mind was left behind someplace where it was always cold. 

But still, he sometimes wondered why it hadn't seemed so obvious before. 

Because he was blind and she was blind, and together somehow they saw the world in technicolour grey… 

But perhaps if they pretended, they could forget that they were blind, and be happy just to reach for the stars. Because they were still closer than in Lemuria, he found. 

And they would just talk for a while. Or, he talked and she listened. She always liked to listen to him. 

_"Sometimes, I'm still so dazzled by the stars." _

_"Really?" _

_"Yes. Don't you think they're just amazing?" _

_"Of course." _

And then he would smile gently and take her hand, and it would turn her cold again. 

"Picard…you know I can't love you, don't you?" 

_"Yes, Mia, I know." _

And that was how it was. Because they were friends instead of lovers, and they were still both so blind.

All these things that are out of reach… 


	11. Whistling Mia: by Kyarorain

The Golden Sun One-Shot Panoply 

By: Ergh…everybody…anyone who wants to is welcome to join…

P/N: Ooooh. This is such a sweet and fluffy little story! It's great!! You should read it!!! GET TO IT!

Oh, right—piles of thanks to each and every reviewer! Without you it's not worth it!! 

*****

Whistling Mia

--- 

Here's a Mudshipping one-shot from I, Kyarorain! ^_^ A bit of Flameshipping in the mix as well, but mainly Mudshipping. 

And just so we don't get sued, Camelot owns Golden Sun! 

---   


His name was Isaac, he was tall, but not as tall as his best friend, Garet, and he travelled in a big group. He had spiky dirty blond hair and sky blue eyes, and he was so handsome that he of course had female admirers. He came from Vale as well, and helped to save Weyard. 

Her name was Mia, she was small but not as small as the Wind Adepts, Ivan and Sheba, and she also travelled with Isaac. She had long aquamarine hair and matching eyes, and people like to call her an angel. Men were constantly falling for her. Mia was a healer from Imil. 

One fine day, while on the Lemurian ship on the way to Prox, Isaac and Mia fell in love. It happened like so. 

*** 

Mia was in the kitchen, slicing up food for lunch. She was alone in the kitchen, for everybody was doing something else. Felix was steering the ship as always and complaining to himself about how he always had to man the tiller, Jenna was burning one of Kraden's books in the privacy of her room, Sheba was in the crow's nest and pretending to look out, Picard was supposedly maintaining the ship but a rumour was going around that he was really swimming in the infamous 'Aquahydra Pool'. It had dried up when he used Parch, but he and Mia had later done a joint Dousing to fill it up again. Garet and Ivan were sparring on the deck because Ivan had called Garet stupid and Garet called Ivan a midget. 

_Chop, chop, chop_... It was an unbreakable rhythm, and Mia even found herself moving and humming quietly in tune to the knife. She did not notice Isaac enter the kitchen, watching her intensely with his warm, serious gaze. Isaac should not have spoken, but nobody had ever told him how to act when watching people chop up food, so how was he supposed to know? 

"Hi, Mia," Isaac greeted her, his voice pouring out like golden syrup filled with warmth and emotion. Mia was jolted from her reverie and the knife accidentally nicked her finger. Mia gasped and clutched her finger protectively to her chest, squeezing it so it would not bleed too badly. 

"Mia, are you alright?" Isaac almost panicked as he rushed to her and looked concernedly at her wound. 

"I'm fine, Isaac," Mia looked up at him, blinking rapidly. Their gazes locked, the warmth of Venus flowing with the chill of Mercury, and it was as if an electric current had passed between them, that jerked them together. The next thing they knew, they were all over each other, well, not _everywhere_, kissing each other feverishly, only needing each other. 

Unfortunately for the two, a certain old man whose presence had been unaccounted for had decided to enter the kitchen at that particular moment. Rather than being astonished by what Isaac and Mia were doing, the old man known as Kraden decided to start rambling on and on about something that nobody really needed to know in that situation. 

"Water is a fluid that is composed of 2 Hydrogen atoms and 1 Oxygen atom, giving it the chemical name H2O. It is also in the air in the form of water vapour that we cannot feel. The air is part oxygen, part carbon dioxide..." 

Isaac and Mia jumped apart, blushing bright red. Mia coughed nervously, then she automatically went back to cutting up the food while Isaac turned and bravely took on Kraden, leading him out of the kitchen and looking for the nearest room which had a lock. After that, since everybody became so busy with having to rush here and there for this summon, that weapon and some djinn, so Isaac and Mia did not have another chance. 

*** 

Perhaps it would be more prudent to say they did not have another chance until some time later. Finally, the brave Adepts were on the way to the Mars Lighthouse beacon, praying that nothing would delay them from saving the world. Anybody who needed to answer a call of nature would be told 'You should have gone before we left' and that was final. 

Before everybody was to teleport to the beacon, they allowed time for some talking. Everybody was highly strung, remembering how Hama had told them of that force that did not want Mars lit. Isaac took Mia to the side, a safe distance away from the group, and started talking. 

*** 

"Mia," Isaac placed his hands on her shoulders and gave her a compassionate look which made her heart melt. "I love you more than anything, do you feel the same way as I do?" 

"Oh, Isaac!" Mia gushed, her eyes welling up with happy tears. "Yes! Yes! I love you so much, every strand of my being aches to be with you forever! I could never stand to be away from you for a second!" 

"I am actually worried of that," Isaac cleared his throat. Mia looked worried but he kept going. "We do not know what this force is, and we do not know if we'll survive against it, if it comes to a fight. Mia, I hope we never wind up apart, but if we do by some cruel twist of fate... then... uh..." His eyes misted over and he looked away, trying to think. His eyes lit up and he turned his gaze back to Mia, a proud smile on his face. "We will whistle!" 

"Whistle?" Mia was too happy to ask why. "Okay! I do hope we never end up apart..." 

"If we are parted, whistle, and one of us will come running, either me or you," Isaac explained. "Now, Mia, do you know how to whistle?" 

"Yes," Mia nodded eagerly. "In Imil, when we were children, we used to build snowmen, hide behind them and whistle so that it looked like the snowmen were actually whistling." 

"Mia," Isaac released his grip and fell to his knee, looking up at her, his bright blue eyes filled with love and trust. 

"Yes, my dear Isaac-chan?" Mia clasped her hands together, looking at Isaac with a similar expression. 

"Would you do me the honour of..." Isaac broke off and took a deep breath, as if willing himself to do something that was extremely daring. 

"What?" Mia's voice had dropped to a whisper and her heart was hammering against her chest as wild fantasies ran through her mind, fantasies of what Isaac was going to ask her. 

"Teaching me how to whistle?" Isaac beamed, giving her huge puppy dog eyes. Mia gaped, and then fell to the ground with a loud crash. "Mia!" 

"Ok..." Mia mumbled into the floor and lifted her head, nodding. "I'll do that. I promise." 

Isaac helped Mia up and they rejoined the group, discovering that Garet was about to say something to Jenna and making a big show of it. He had just rudely ordered everybody else to shut up, and amazingly, even Kraden had obeyed. 

"Jenna," Garet grabbed her hand and held it in his, looking at her with immense longing. "I wish to tell you that you are the most beautiful woman ever, even when you are in a crabby, foul mood, and that I love you more than anything!" 

"Alright, time's up!" Felix exclaimed, glaring at Garet poisonously. "We're going up now-" 

"Shut up, Felix," Jenna ordered, shooting a glare at him and then turning back to Garet, beaming. "Oh, Garet, I am so glad you feel that way about me. I... I love you too, Garet, and I want us to be together for as long as we live!" 

And then, Garet and Jenna started kissing wildly, passionately, their hearts soaring as one. However, it was soon over because Felix's loud coughing was extremely annoying and Kraden had started talking again. 

"So, are we ready to go up?" Picard asked curiously. He noticed Felix pull Garet aside and grinned. "I guess not." 

"With any luck, sometime tomorrow," Ivan assured everybody as Felix threatened Garet and gave him typical Dire Warnings. 

*** 

At last, they did go up to the beacon and fight the Doom Dragon. After that the rest was history. Isaac and Mia had a grand wedding with many guests (and fortunately none of Isaac's enemies) and it was something to remember. Especially when Garet, the best man, had been asked to present the rings and presented a packet of hoop shaped potato chips instead. Fortunately, he DID have the rings in another pocket and everything went well. 

Isaac and Mia went together all the time, hand in hand, and Mia did teach Isaac to whistle as she had promised. They moved up to Imil and had a house right on the coast, so every day they could hear the sound of the sea crashing against the rocks. Isaac and Mia also had a daughter named Isia who was both beautiful and intelligent, and when old enough, went to Tolbi to become a female scholar. Isaac and Mia ever since blamed it on the time they had let Kraden come to visit when Isia was about five years old and very impressionable. 

Garet and Jenna also got married and they lived in the rebuilt Vale, and they had many children who were all loud, noisy and red headed. Isaac, Mia, Garet and Jenna frequently visited each other, even with the long distance between them. Well, the Teleport Lapis had its uses. 

One day however, it seemed that tragedy had struck. Isaac had been on one of his usual early morning walks outside, always careful never to go too far from the house because he could not stand being too far away from Mia, and then he just disappeared. 

Every morning after that, Mia would retrace Isaac's steps, listening to the roaring of the sea in her ears, and she would call out his name and whistle loudly for him, in the hope that he would whistle back. There was never an answering whistle, but of course Mia never gave up whistling. She remained in the house where she had lived with Isaac, refusing to leave even when Isia, Garet and Jenna asked. They were all concerned for her, but Mia lived a long healthy life even when parted from her soulmate. 

After a while, people began to talk of 'Whistling Mia' who always walked along the path by the coastal cliff, calling out one name alone and whistling for the one she called for. Every morning, they could hear the familiar _Tweet-tweet_ and _Isaac!_ and continued to talk, but Mia did not care what the people said behind her back, she refused to give up on him. 

One morning passed, which was unlike the other mornings. Mia was now 70 years old, her body was still lean and supple and did not show the wear of age. Her hair had faded to a pale wintry blue and she had it tied back in a bun on the top of her head. Mia treaded down the familiar path, her feet slipping comfortably into the worn grooves where she had walked, and Isaac before he was lost. 

"Isaac!" Mia called loudly, desperately. "Isaac!" The next thing she did as she stepped up to the cliff was to whistle loudly, piercingly, expecting no response as usual, so what happened next was completely unexpected. 

"Mia!" _Tweet!_

Mia gasped as she saw the Isaac of the past, young, happy and 17 reaching his arms out for her. Then Mia was the same as he was, also 17, as she leaped into his arms and they enfolded each other in their clutches, never to be apart again. 

That is how the legend of Whistling Mia ends. People claim that she simply disappeared, just like Isaac did, for same as with Isaac, they had never found Mia's body. Mia had vanished without a trace. The friends of Isaac and Mia, and Isia, their only child ever, held an honorary funeral in their memory, happy because now Isaac and Mia were together again. 

However, the memory of Isaac and Mia has not completely faded from Weyard. If somebody happened to be walking along the coastal path and was listening very carefully, they would hear a low, shrill whistle. If the person continued to listen carefully, they would just be able to hear a second answering whistle. 

The legend of Whistling Mia still lives on, the story of how two lovers were separated, and their whistling signals eventually brought them back into each other's clutches after many years apart. 


	12. The Vale Thanksgiving Catastrophe: By Tr...

The Golden Sun One-Shot Panoply 

By: I'm NOT listing them all again.

P/N: Finally! Triad hath submitted!

Hail: It were about time, ye scoundrel. Arr.

Tinder: Shut up Hail.

Hail: I'll be givin' ye Hail if ye're not about to shut yerself.

Tinder: Windbag. Piratical insolence. …_Hothead_.

Wow. She can really dish it out. *Watches the Djinn fight* Anyway. Thanks to all the loyal readers and reviewers and…on to Triad's story!!

*****

The Vale Thanksgiving Catastrophe

By: Triad Orion

Author's Notes:  Hey there!  Now it's my turn!  After many ideas and none of them working, I finally caught a breath of inspiration for this long overdue OSP.  This one-shot is in honor of the holiday of Thanksgiving!  And well, my Thanksgiving blessing is that Vilya hasn't castrated me for all of my delays ((P/N: Don't worry, I've left dear Triad in one piece (SIT!), I've just given him much pizza)).  It's been tough to keep up since I got to college, but I'm finally able to deliver!  I've adjusted my style a tad for the coming humor fic, so if something seems a little off, it's for comedic effect. 

Oh yeah, and a slight spoiler warning for TLA!  Don't read if this bugs you!

I hope you all enjoyed this along with your Thanksgiving dinners!

****************************

It was a day like any other, the autumn winds blowing through the recesses of the newly rebuilt Vale.  The Adepts' arduous adventure was over, and everything felt right in the world once more.   November had finally come, shown by the darkened brown leaves on and falling off the trees.  The wind had a slight chill to it, illustrating that Old Man Winter would soon follow.  However, this slight bit of foreboding did not stop the sun from shining and the people in Vale from their tasks.

These tasks were primarily food oriented.   They involved running around to the produce man, to the bakery, to the butcher; everyone had someplace to go.  Their objective was simple enough, though.  Everyone was preparing for one of the things Vale was famous for.  No, not the Sol Sanctum, Mount Aleph, or the Golden Sun.  Those were matters of trivial importance compared to this.  It was time once again for Vale's most famous festival:  Thanksgiving.  

This holiday, more than any out of the year. . . well, except maybe Christmas, was a defining moment for the town.  Even with its reconstruction barely just completed, the people demanded the festival, and the mayor was forced to give in.  Well, not so much so that he gave in, but rather they twisted his arm about it; a whole quarter inch, too.  But that is not what is important for such a time.  The important thing was to get the feast ready.

Of course this feast had to be good.  It was for the whole town, after all.  Naturally the best mashed potatoes, dressing, corn, cranberry sauce, gravy, biscuits, greens, and wine had to be assembled.  But all of this paled compared to the almighty and powerful turkey.  Ah, the prize turkey always made the finest of meals and was always a joy to roast.  Every year, the townsfolk would take the prized turkey, lob its head off, and serve it with all the trimmings.

The only problem in Vale was that no one really wanted to kill the turkey.  This always led to the most serious of debates over who would be responsible for slaying the vicious beast.  Oh, it's not that anyone was afraid of it tackling them to the ground and trying to peck their eyes out; though that did happen once.  It wasn't really a spectacle to behold.  Anyway, no one liked doing it, so they held a competition of bravery and strength to determine whoever would do the deed.  This task, of daunting and staggering difficulty, was drawing straws.

Now it was only natural that he would draw the short straw.  The laws of nature declared this to be certain.  Breaking the flow of continuity would be not only destroying the very fabric of time and space, it would actually be convenient!  Also the laws of nature required him to use just about every swear word imaginable, including some he just made up on the spot, after the competition was finished.  This also got him quite a few licks from the women around him, mostly for using foul language in a public place, though some just hit him for the heck of it.  Just his luck; just as nature demanded.

This man, whom the fates always conspired against, was named Garet.  He was known to have bad luck, and when he actually had good luck, he found some way to make it so.  The big oaf had probably only caught one break in his life; the break being engaged to his childhood crush.  However, if you ask any man with half a brain (and this would obviously exclude Garet), this was just as much a liability as it was a bonus.  Jenna was a hotheaded, no-nonsense, my-way-or-the-highway kind of girl, and this meant she could easily keep control of our seemingly ill-fated Garet.  

Now he had to go explain to her that he was to kill a turkey.  This meant he couldn't help her prepare some of her family's famous stuffing like he had promised.  As he reached her cottage, he rapped lightly on the door.  Quickly the door opened, and Garet was greeted by his fiancée's warm eyes.

"Hello Garet!"  Jenna exclaimed happily, hugging him.  "I'm glad to see you're here to help!  We've enlisted some more help too!"  She pointed to a pair of figures sitting happily together on a couch.  Garet obviously recognized them.  It was hard to miss that huge yellow scarf and that aqua blue hair.  They both stood out like a cat at a dog show, really.

"Isaac and Mia, huh?"  Garet asked, eyeing Jenna carefully.  "Are you sure they won't spend more time kissing than preparing the food?"  With this comment, both the Venus and Mercury Adepts blushed profusely and were instantly between Jenna and her fiancée. 

"Just what do you mean by that, mister?!"  Mia demanded.

"Yeah!  It's not like you and Jenna don't play like that all the time.  I seem to remember on the way home from Prox you were. . ."

"Isaac," Jenna said sweetly, "I told you never to bring that up again."  She shot the Venus Adept her famous (infamous?) death glare that instantly shut his mouth.  Jenna was in one of her moods that she didn't want to be trifled with and she warned Isaac that he was about to push the big red button of doom.

"So?  Your point being, Romeo?"  Garet smirked at Isaac, bending over to meet him at eye level.  "You and Mia seem to be a two-for-one deal no matter what; try to separate one, and the other magically finds the other's lips."  Crimson flushed both Isaac's and Mia's faces again.

"Garet," Jenna smiled, "Please stop teasing our guests before I have to remove your tongue out of your mouth in a rather unpleasant manner."  Oh yeah.  Jenna was definitely in one of her sadistic little "I'm going to kill you in your sleep" moods.

"Yes, dear," Garet managed to choke out.  Oh, he definitely didn't want to tell her now what had to be done.  Still, he had to, lest risking a fate worse than death: the cupboard.  "Um, Jenna, there's something I gotta tell you."

"She already knows how much passion burns in your heart, Garet.  There is no need to remind her of that right now; just save it for your 'quiet time' together."   Isaac laughed, promptly being hit over the head by Mia.

"Jenna said she didn't want to put up with you two fighting," she said to Isaac, who was now rubbing his head.

"Yes, dear," Isaac replied, in an apologetic tone.

"Jenna, what I meant to say was," Garet continued, glaring at his best friend as he spoke, "that I. . . can't help you make stuffing tonight."

Jenna's smile quickly faded into an irritated straight face with eyes no longer warm with love, but rather warm with a desire to maim severely.  "And why is that, dearest?"  she asked, almost with clenched teeth.  "You did promise me you would help."

"Well, the problem is something came up."  Garet smiled sheepishly, pressing his two index fingers together meekly.

"I'm listening," she said, not breaking her glowering glare.

"You see, I…lost the competition.  You know, the one where the loser has to kill the turkey for the feast.  I have to go be doing that now."  He chuckled lightly and nervously after that, a light film of sweat beading on his forehead.

"I see."  Jenna said, whirling around and turning her back to Garet.  "Well," she said, turning her body ninety degrees and then looking at him, "I suppose there's nothing I can do."  She sighed.  "Thank you for telling me, Garet.  Now I won't have to inflict any punishment."  Garet sighed and visibly relaxed.  He was afraid she would invoke the powers of stabbing with a rusty knife.  Needless to say, that power didn't sound fun, and the Mars Adept was glad he escaped unscathed.

"Thanks for understanding, Jenna."  Garet replied.

"We'll discuss how you'll make this up to me another time," she mused.  That was definitely not good for Garet.  "In the meantime, we should get someone to help you. . . Isaac?"

"No way!" was his instant response.  "I like stuffing!"  Isaac loudly exclaimed, smile beaming on his face.  "After all, uh, I promised I'd spend the day with Mia."

"And that's different from any other day how?" Garet asked.

"Um, poetic license?" Isaac shrugged.

"Sorry, Isaac is instrumental to the stuffing process, remember, Jenna?"  Mia said.  "He's the one who has to do all the hard manual labor."

"That's right, I'd forgotten," Jenna replied.  "So, who does that leave?"  Jenna got her answer as the door swung open behind Garet, smashing him in the back and sent him reeling forward to the ground.

"Not my fault!"  Felix exclaimed as he noticed what he had accidentally done.  It took Jenna a total of less than two and a quarter seconds to be in Felix's face, her evil smile beaming to him.  "Uh, should I turn and run now?" the elder sibling asked.

"Quite to the contrary, my dear brother," she said,  "I'd like to ask for your help."

"Sure, Jenna.  What is it?"

"I want you to help Garet with a little project; namely killing the prize turkey."  Felix's face went from being of a concerned and guarded caution to downright terror.

"Uh, I just remembered I left something at Isaac's house.  Um, later!"  Felix said, attempting to dash out of the house.  He took about three steps out the door before flying onto his back; Jenna had yanked his long blue scarf like a set of reins and pulled him to the ground.  She quickly sat on his chest and glared down at him with two fireball eyes.

"You will be helping Garet or I won't allow you to have any Thanksgiving dinner.  Is that clear?"  Felix gave off a whimper.  Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday of the year, and it was all about to be taken away from him by his insane younger sister.  He longed every year for the freshly roasted bird and his family's stuffing; and Jenna was going to deprive him of it!  That was just not fair and wrong on so many levels!  "Felix,"  she demanded.  "Do we have a deal?"

"Yes, sis."  He groaned.

"Good," she said, smiling once more and removing herself from her seat on his chest.  He stood and himself off and sighed.  Why was it always him who caught the short end of the stick?  Well, not always the shortest.  That was Garet's stick, but his wasn't much longer.  "Now, get going before I put you both in the cupboard."  This instantly made both of them perk up and run down the road to escape.

********************

"I can't believe I got dragged into this,"  Felix pouted, sticking his hands into two of his many, many pockets.  "This is so unfair.  I wasn't even the bum who drew the short straw."

"I'm right here, Felix,"  Garet grumbled.  "Rub it in my face why don't you?"

"I fully intend to, Garet,"  Felix grouched as they continued to march to the pen where the turkey was waiting for them.  As they approached, they were greeted by the old farmer Gil, who was leaning on a shovel in front of the pen.

"Hey Garet," he said in a voice that resembled a rusty old iron fence.  "Where's that Jenna o' yers? He's always a ray of sunshine on a dark day."

"Wow, what hole have you been living in?"  Felix asked, in utter disbelief.

"How'd you know I moved into a hole in the ground?!"  Gil demanded.  A moment later, and after receiving the "okay, now we're dealing with a crazy old man" glare from Garet and Felix, he rebuked.  "Um, that is to say, how can I be of service?"

"We're here for the turkey,"  Garet said.  "It's my job to. . ."

"Give it a name?"

"No."

"Play checkers with it?"

"No."

"Sing it a song?"

"NO!"

"Teach it calculus?"

"Well, actually. . ."  Garet started, pausing to think for a second before realizing what was going on.  "NO!  I'm here to kill it for the feast."

"Oh, so you're the loser who has to do it!"  Gil responded.  Garet and Felix nodded together and approached the pen carefully.  "WATCH IT!"  Gil shouted.  "He's crazy!  Crazy like a mongoose!"  Felix and Garet both raised an eyebrow, then looked at the fowl.  It was big, fat, plump, and very delicious looking, and it stood asleep standing straight up, its head nestled against its plumage.  The Adepts gave a glare to Gil, who was making spooky gestures with his hands.  "He's mad, I tell you, MAD!"

"Mad and domesticated,"  Garet grouched.  "How tough can one stupid bird be?"

"He's insane, I tell you!  Insane!  I've raised him since he was nothing but a mere egg and he is one mad bird!  I mean, look at the bones!"  Gil exclaimed, pointing to a pile of bones in the turkey's pen.

"Those are just old bones from the roast you served last week, Gil.  You invited Grandpa and I to the dinner, remember?"  

"Irrelevant. He's still madder than Felix when someone hits on his sister!"

"I'm standing right here, you nitwit.  And what's that about me being insane?!"

"Well, you weren't exactly the kindest individual when I asked Jenna out for the first time,"  Garet said, scratching the back of his head, after which he promptly received a death glare from Felix which stopped him cold.  It must've ran in the family.

"Nevertheless, it's time for the turkey to meet with the meat cleaver."

"Heh!  You made a funny joke, Felix!"  Gil giggled.

"Now  I see why Jenna punches him so often,"  Garet remarked.  "Do you think that's why he's so stupid?"

 "It's a good bet,"  Felix mumbled.  "Come on Garet.  Let's leave him to his idiotic rambling."  He climbed over the fence and of course, Garet followed like a lamb, leaving Gil to continue his ranting about bones and how mad his turkey was.  Felix drew his sword and motioned for Garet to do the same.  They both stalked up to the killer beast and prepared to lob its sleeping head off.

"Farewell, turkey!"  Garet whispered as he raised his sword into an executioner position.  It was at this particular moment that the turkey just happened to wake up.  Sensing its impending doom, instead of gazing at Garet stupidly like any normal turkey, it took action.  Seizing the moment, it pounced at the Mars Adept and tackled him to the ground, where it proceeded to peck at his face.

"Aaaaaaagh!  Evil turkey of the apocalypse!"  Garet screamed as he tried to force the turkey off of him.

"Garet!"  Felix exclaimed as he lunged at the bird, knocking the bird off his future brother-in-law's chest.  Flustered, the bird rose back to its feet and spread its wings and let out a mighty gobble.  It now charged at Felix and the startled Venus Adept scarcely jumped out of the way from its charge.  However, instead of stopping, the bird jumped clear over the fence of its pen and headed off into the nearby wood.

"What the heck is that thing?!"  Garet asked, standing up.  While the bird had attacked him, he was unhurt.

"I told you!  He's mad!"  Gil exclaimed.  "And now he's done and run!  You better catch him if you expect to get a good eating meal out of him!"  Garet and Felix both looked completely stunned.  The crazy old bat had been right.  That turkey was mad.  They both rose and began chasing it into the woods.

*************

It didn't take long for them to locate the fowl.  It stood in a clearing not far away, and it pecked at the ground, looking for worms, much like a chicken.

"Do turkeys even do that?"  Garet asked, absent-mindedly.  He promptly got smacked in the back of the head by Felix.

"Don't question things that don't matter!  Let's just kill that thing."

"Okay, but we're going to need a carefully thought out and well executed plan."

"Screw that, let's rush him."

"Okay!"  Garet grinned, and so they did what they planned.  They rushed forward and charged.  The turkey immediately caught notice and charged back at them, tackling first Felix and then jumping up to flap its wings in Garet's face.  The Mars Adept spluttered as the two feathered wings beat into his continence and made him stagger backward into a tree.  After the feather-shocked Garet recovered, he noticed the turkey had moved back to the other side of the clearing to continue to peck at the ground.

"What the heck is that thing?!  It's not human!" 

"Of course it's not human, you dunderhead,"  Garet said to Felix.

"Since when do you start calling me dunderhead?"  Felix asked venomously.

"Since now, apparently.  Okay, now we'll do this my way.  Let's just hit it with Psynergy, Felix!"

"That would roast the turkey to a crisp, wise guy."

"It saves the chefs a step then.  Let's get him!"  Garet said, his hands glowing red with his power.

"Fine, fine,"  Felix relented, fists glowing gold.  The two adepts rushed out after the turkey.  Garet immediately summoned three huge pillars of flame with Pyroclasm and Felix summoned the warmth of the earth with Mother Gaia.  Sensing victory, the Adepts smiled briefly, only to have their smirks washed completely off their face as the turkey literally leaped away from both attacks and charged them.

"Run for it!"  Garet screamed as the rabid fowl closed in on them.  He and Felix immediately turned tail and fled as fast as they could, screaming all the way.  Chants like "We are going to die" and "Somebody get this freakin' bird away from me" could be heard all across the forest.  After they retreated safely to a clearing and lost the warrior bird that was chasing them, they began formulating a new plan.  And what is meant by formulating a new plan they were really exchanging insults.

"You nitwit!  'Let's use Psynergy!' How lame can you get?!"

"You're the one who suggested a frontal assault, Patton!"  Garet shouted back.

"Who the heck is Patton, Garet?"

"I dunno.  I just thought it sounded good."  Felix slapped his own forehead at Garet's idiocy and sighed.  "Well, I've got another plan.  Let's try a simple snare trap.  I mean, it's just crazy enough to work."

"I don't know why I'm listening to you, but fine."

************

After the two bickering Adepts finished setting their trap they baited it with an ear of corn and hid in the bushes nearby.

"Okay.  So we wait here until the turkey comes and takes the bait and gets caught in the trap,"  Garet mused.

"Well, what do we do until then?"  Felix questioned.

"Play Crazy Eights?"  Garet asked, holding up a pack of playing cards that he removed from his tunic.

"You're such an idiot, Garet.  Deal me in,"  Felix mused.  He always had been a sucker for Crazy Eights, and he had become the best player in all of Vale because of it.   So the two Adepts sat and played cards for a while, before hearing a yelp of surprise from their trap.

"We got him!"  They both exclaimed together.  They ran out into the clearing to see their spoils.  Why make a scene of it?  They had captured a poor animal and were now about to serve him to the feast.

***********

"Where are those two nimrods?"  Ivan asked, fork and knife in his hands, napkin tucked into his tunic.

"They should've been back by now."  Jenna whined.  Everyone in Vale was now seated at the community table and were awaiting the arrival of the prized bird.  It was supposed to have arrived almost an hour ago, and now they were beginning to grow impatient.

"I'm hungry!"  Sheba whined.

"I should probably go look for them,"  Isaac said.  "Who wants to come?"

"I will go too,"  Mia said.

"No surprise there,"  Jenna smirked.  Both the other Adepts blushed heavily.  "You two will need a chaperone.  Ivan, go with them."

"But I'm hungry!"  

"Then help solve the problem,"  Jenna loomed.  "Go with them!"

"No need!"  Felix's voice shot out from between two buildings.  He walked out up to the table and stood, his hands folded behind his back.

"Where have you been?!"  Jenna yelled at him.

"Getting dinner.  Now, I know you all had your hearts set on turkey for Thanksgiving, but. . ."  He trailed off, and Garet approached, carrying a large platter in both hands.  As soon as he appeared from the shadows, laughter erupted amongst the populace.  Why?  Because atop this platter lay a man with flowing blue hair and piercing ice blue eyes hog tied with an apple stuffed in his mouth.  "Would you all settle for ham instead?"

"Mmmph mmph!"  Alex mumbled through the apple.

"Shut up, Alex!"  Felix exclaimed, clubbing him over the head with a wooden stick.  Alex made a sound that resembled  "Ouch!" and then Garet delivered him to the table.  Mia promptly pulled out her Nebula Wand and started beating the restrained Mercury Adept mercilessly.

"I figured this would be a hit,"  Garet said.

"But what about the real turkey?"  Isaac asked.  "Where is it?"

"Well, Felix and I have determined it has decided to leave Vale and become a superhero.  I think he might call himself the Thanksgiving Avenger."

"That is so stupid!"  Jenna exclaimed, exasperated.  "And would never happen!"

"Well, let's not worry about that and just be thankful for what we have,"  Garet replied.  So they sat down and began enjoying their turkey free Thanksgiving dinner.  Well, it felt more like a giant communal dinner, with an interesting Mercury Adept conversational piece and punching bag.  

However, little did they all know, the turkey that Garet and Felix had been hunting took upon an incredible odyssey.  He set out to avenge the lives of his brethren taken every year for such a mindlessly violent holiday.  Annual sightings of him were reported all over Angara, and the people eventually learned the legend of the Thanksgiving Avenger.  So, next time you eat a turkey dinner, look over your shoulder.  For you never know when he will be there, looking for a chance to get you back.  He is the Thanksgiving Avenger.  And he is out there.

Okay, not really.  It just sounded cool.

-The End.

*****

YAY TRIAD! Now…review!


	13. Forbidden: By Shiro Amayagi

The Golden Sun One-Shot Panoply

By: Look here. I'm not saying it anymore!

P/N: This is a fic by Shiro Amayagi! (Pureauthor, you need to get the little html coding symbols out of yours before I can post it—if possible, save it as a word document and then send it.) Now…I'm not even going to tell you what it's about, so there! However, I gather that //…// denotes thought. 

Forbidden

By:  Shiro Amayagi

            It was quiet.  Felix was sitting up in a tall tree eating one of the large nuts that grew in its branches and reading his book.  She was on his mind again, and everyone around knew it.  Kay.  Garet's sister.  The smart child.  Hard to believe that she and Garet were actually related.  Felix didn't mind, however.  He thought she was the best woman in the entire world, and everyone around knew it.  He took another bite of the nut, and sighed.  What was it about her that drew him to her so easily?  Of course she was beautiful, of course she was smart, of course she was sweet, and kind, and compassionate, and...of course.  She was everything a man could ever dream of in a woman.  Actually, she was more.  _Much_ more.  And what is he?  A turncoat, a thief, a guy who risked destroying the world...all for himself.  But what did it really matter?  He loved her, and everyone around knew it.  And then he realized it..._he loved her_.

            And what was Kay doing at this time?  Sitting up in another tree, eating a nut, and writing in her diary.

            "_Dear diary,_

_I've been feeling strange recently.  Every time I'm around Felix, I get this weird feeling in my stomach.  I know it isn't distrust.  I know why he did what he did.  Recently, I've been noticing that Vale has been becoming grander and grander.  The rivers have been getting wider, the water seems clearer, and I've seen plenty of fish.  Isaac and Garet are gone fishing, and they promised a good haul.  But I'm getting off subject here.  I feel I can trust him with my life.  He's always so sweet, offering to carry in my groceries, planting flowers with me, not afraid to talk with me about anything..._

_...Do I...love him?  Is it really possible?  Wow, this is a lot to think about.  I think I'll stop here for today, diary._"

            Felix shut his book and jumped from the tree, and broke into a run.  He was determined that she would know how he felt.  He had to tell her or he'd never live with himself.  So he ran faster.  Picking up speed, he nearly barreled over the weaponsmith and his pushcart of bronze for metalworking, but he somehow jumped over the cart and kept running, without even stopping to apologize.  //_Run, stupid.  Don't let another minute pass of just sitting idly by and doing nothing.  You love her._//

            And so he ran.  He ran with all his heart.  He would find her, and he would tell her, and she would love him.  //_She will love me, right?  I mean, no way she'd just not love me...no.  No way._//  Finally, he reached the tree.  One minute and twenty-three seconds worth of running, and it seemed like eternity to him.  //_Hey, that's a good one.  Maybe I'll use it.  Oh, dear God, I'm _such_ a loser..._//

            "Kay, are you up there?" he asked.  //_Well, no going back now._//

            "Yes, what is it, Felix?" she replied.  //_Can it be?  Is he really...?_//

            "Well...I need to talk to you, Kay.  It's important," he said.

            "I'm all ears.  Plenty of room on the branch," she said.  //_Something important?  Maybe..._//

            Felix climbed the tree in record time.  She was actually offering him a seat up in the tree with her!  //_Surely that means something.  It _always_ means something._//  "Kay, I...I love you.  All this time, I've thought that it was just some stupid crush that didn't mean a thing, but I finally understand...I love you," he said.

            Kay was taken aback.  //_Oh my God, he loves me!  He really loves me!_//  She was at a total loss for words.  She drew him into a kiss.  It was soft, short at first.  They broke away, and stared into each other's eyes, then began again.  This time, the kiss was long, drawn out, stopped only by the need for air.

            "Kay..."

            "Felix..."

            They gazed into each other's eyes for a long time, neither blinked.  The beautiful silence was broken by Garet's loud call of, "Kay, it's time for dinner!"

            Kay was none too pleased by the interruption, but she smiled and kissed Felix on the cheek.  "I'll see you later, then.  Tomorrow, here?" she asked.

            "Tomorrow?  That's perfect.  I love you, Kay," he said in reply.

            "I love you too, Felix," she said, as she jumped out of the tree and walked away.

            "Tomorrow...I can't wait," he said to himself, happily.

~***~

            Early morning the next day, Felix was making breakfast as Jenna walked into the kitchen.  "Jen, could you pass me the salt?" he asked.

            "Salt?  Got it.  So how are things between you and Kay?" she asked.

            Felix nearly didn't catch the salt for all his surprise.  //_She knows?  Already?  Well, I suppose if Kay told Garet, then Garet told Jenna, so..._//

            "Surprised that I know?" she asked, smiling wryly.

            "Not now that I think about it.  Just caught me off guard," he said.  He salted the eggs, set the table, and they ate breakfast without saying much.  After finishing his breakfast, he put on a light set of platemail underneath his clothes, grabbed his sword in case he and Isaac had a chance to spar, and walked out the door.  Passing row after row of newly rebuilt houses, he came across a few of his friends.

            "Hey, Felix, how's it going?" one asked.

            "I hear you're goin' with the mayor's daughter, eh?" asked another.

            "First, it's going alright.  Second, I certainly hope I'm going with Kay," Felix replied, emphasizing the word 'Kay'.

            "Look, Felix, I don't wanna burst your bubble, but that girl could have whomever she wanted.  Haven't you wondered at all why she chose you?" the first one asked.

            "And what exactly do you mean by that?" asked Felix.

            "Well, she's high society and you're...well...you took the Elemental Stars from Sol Sanctum and left Vale with thieves.  Even if she understood that you weren't part of them, isn't it possible that she just...wants something?" came a reply from the second.

            "I know she didn't pick me because she wanted something.  She really loves me.  Besides, what do I even have to give?  Isaac has Alchemy!" replied Felix.

            "Isaac also has Mia.  You should know full well how dangerous it is to cross her.  I do, and I didn't go halfway around the world putting up with her." said the first one.

            "So you think someone as sweet and generous as her would take up a relationship with someone who has nothing so that she could get something," he replied.

            "Well, yeah," came a reply from both of them.

            "Then basically, you're saying she's just a lowlife con-artist?" he asked.

            "Felix...I don't know how to tell you this, but...pretty much," the first one replied.

            Felix was overcome with rage.  Nobody would talk like that about the woman he loved.  _Nobody_.  His fists clenched, and he punched the other man with all the strength he had in him.  "You want a piece of this, too?!" he yelled at the second one.  Said second 'friend' took off running as fast as he could.  At the same time, Kay was getting the bad treatment to her face.

            "So Kay, I hear you're going out with Felix now.  Have you always fallen for traitors, or is this something new?" one girl asked her.

            "Seriously, no girl with any self respect would want a loser like him.  So what is it that you want from him?" asked another.

            "What do you mean by that?!  I don't want anything from him!  I really do love him!" she said, defensively.

            "Like we buy that for a second.  If you loved him, you would have defended him when we called him a traitor and a loser.  But you didn't, did you?" a third girl asked, with scathing sarcasm on the last sentence.

            "Shut up!  I love him and he loves me!" she replied, on the verge of tears.

            "Don't lie, Kay.  You don't love him.  You love what he has.  Don't deny it, you know it's true," said the second one.

            Tears streamed down her face.  What they were saying wasn't funny.  They were telling her that she was playing the man she loved for a fool, and she knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that she wasn't.  And what was a thousand times worse, they were insulting _him_!  She took off running.  She had to get away from them before things got worse.

            Her vision was blurred horribly from tears, and she bumped into Felix on her way towards home.  Instantly, she noticed that she was crying into Felix's chest.  "Felix..." she said, crying harder.

            "Kay?  What is it?  What's wrong?" he asked.

            "Felix, they called you a traitor, and then told me I was playing you for a fool!  I'm not doing that, am I?" she asked, crying so hard that she could barely speak.

            "No, Kay.  I know you aren't.  But on the subject of me being a traitor...I have something to tell you," he replied.

            "What is it?  What could them calling you a traitor mean to anything?" she asked, worriedly.

            Felix shifted nervously where he stood.  He knew he had to tell her, but he couldn't.  An awkward silence stood for about ten seconds before his eyes finally flamed with resolution.  "Kay, I've done some thinking, and I'm a disgrace to my family.  I know people talk about me behind my back.  I've heard some of them talk about my parents, and Jenna, as well.  What I did goes beyond shaming my family.  I'm going to relinquish my family, leave Vale, and never come back." he said, belabouredly.  Kay could barely see his face through her crying eyes.

            "Felix...you can't.  I can't let you do that.  I can't let you go..." the words were choked out, barely recognizable for the heavy sobs escaping her lips.

            "Kay, I can't stay here.  It isn't fair to my family - or you.  I love you, but...I can't stay with you.  I can see that all I've been good for is causing you pain, and I can't do that to you.  Goodbye..." he said, as tears began to form in his deep, green eyes.

            Kay could feel her heart breaking.  Then a thought came to her mind.  "No.  This isn't goodbye.  You're not going alone.  I'm gonna go with you.  We can start our own life together.  No families, no 'friends' telling us we shouldn't be together, just you and me...together," she said, her tears finally slowing down to a stop.

            "No, Kay...I can't let you do that.  You have a great life, an understanding family, and...I know for a fact that you've never entered Sol Sanctum, taken the Elemental Stars, and tried to go light the lighthouses.  You have no reason to leave," he replied.

            "I have love, and that's enough for me.  If you insist on going, I'm going with you.  I'll write my parents a note, and I'll be ready to go," she said.

            "Kay, I...well, I can't stop you, obviously.  I guess...pack.  Bring a few changes of clothes, at least.  Please, just tell your parents tonight.  I wouldn't be able to live with myself if they didn't know you were gone," he said.  //_What have I done?_// he thought, worriedly, but knew he was smiling on the inside, because Kay loved him enough to be willing to go with him, and he didn't do anything to try and make her go.

            The next morning, both of them were packed.  Felix elected to tell only Jenna, and leave a note for his parents, asking Jenna not to say a word of his leaving until they discovered it themselves.  Kay had of course told everyone in her household, but asked them to keep it quiet, and understand her position.  To her great relief, they did, and let her leave with their blessings.  They met at the giant psynergy stone that Isaac rebuilt with the power of Alchemy.

            "No turning back after we leave, Kay.  Are you entirely sure you want to do this?" asked Felix.

            "I've never been more sure of anything else, Felix.  Just tell me this, where are we going?" Kay asked.

            "Do you remember the stories I told you about Izumo, the oriental village?" Felix asked.

            "The ones about Gaia Rock and the dragon?  Yeah," she said.

            "I thought that would be best.  Aqua Rock in nearby Apojii would hurt you, and Contigo isn't an option, since Ivan could find us and tell the others," replied Felix.

            "So then we're going somewhere that we won't find the others again?" she asked.

            "Kay, it's all I know to tell you.  Besides, it's not like we'll be lower class there.  For once, that stupid trip across the world will actually be useful," he replied.  He held out his hand, and she took it.  They walked out of the village, hand in hand.  Once they were a safe distance away, Felix pulled out the Teleport Lapis, unleashed the Teleport Psynergy, and as they were engulfed in the light of the Psynergy, they took a last look at Vale.  They knew they'd never return.  But they didn't care.  They were in love, and everyone around knew it.

(_End_)


	14. Forge a Hero: Fire and Hammer: by Feonyx

The Golden Sun One-Shot Panoply 

By: I'm not listing them! Someone get me a hammer! 

Now…this is the chapter that was so large it didn't fit in one chapter. So it became two. I hope you enjoy them both very, very, really really lots. 

*****

Forge A Hero: Fire and Hammer 

By: Feonyx

            "Up!" his mother shouted through the door.  She hammered a few more times.  "I don't have time for this!  Get up already!"

            "It's cold out there," he protested.

            "That's no reason to stay in bed!  If you're cold, you should be using some of that Psynergy you never practice!" she shot back.  "Honestly, you spend all your time playing with swords and those other barbaric weapons, never bothering to use your head, and now you say you're too cold!?"  The door slammed open, she walked in, whipped the blankets off his bed, and marched out again.

            "So much for not having time for it," Saturos grumbled, curling his legs closer to his body.  Elders thought they had a difficult life trying to oversee the Mars Clan?  They should try being twelve for a while.  With his mother.  In winter, in the village of Prox, northernmost of all the settlements of Weyard.

            And it wasn't his fault that he wasn't as good with Psynergy as some of the others his age, he reflected as he grabbed some carpet-thick socks from a drawer.  No one complained that he couldn't copy animal sounds like Gerhalt, or make a kite out of anything available in the room like he had seen Myrilia do on more than one bored afternoon, or read Old Proxan like Karst.  So why should he be as good with Psynergy as Agatio or Menardi?

            Besides, steel had caught his attention from the beginning.  Some of the old warriors talked for ages about the play of light on a well-forged blade, or the way it could feel like an extension of your body.  Saturos mostly liked the sound of air being cut and metal clashing.  They could be as fancy as they liked, but real combat -as real as practice ever got- was the most fun he ever had.

            School was just for show, everyone knew.  It was all the elders ever talked about these days- the Lighthouse had been extinguished for too long, the north was growing too cold even for Mars Adepts, and someone had to fix it.  If the once-warm north could freeze so terribly, the events across the rest of the world had to be even worse.

            But it wasn't as though the entire clan could simply leave the Lighthouse of Mars unguarded.  A group of adventurers would have to be chosen, to go on a quest to find the Elemental Stars and light the four Lighthouses once more.  There were still several years left before the elders thought the situation would be critical, which meant that Saturos and his friends had just enough time to prove they would be worth it.         Saturos intended to be the greatest fighter Prox had ever seen, so that no monster would ever pose a threat to the Proxan heroes.

            There was no one around, of course, the door was closed and his mother was probably in the kitchen anyway.  Saturos grabbed his practice sabre and began a rhythmic routine of strike and block, twisting and turning.  He had plenty of space in his room, luckily, and needed to warm up anyway.

            _Weaver's Slash, third and fourth_, thought Saturos, effortlessly disarming his coathanger.  He twisted, deflected an imagined strike at his lower leg, and then reversed the spin into the Devil's Spiral.  The villainry of his dressing gown was put to a swift end by a perfect Tornado Lance, run through both sleeves.

            _Rising Fury, dive and burst, Bending Branch, dash and whip_, he went on.  The room was quickly becoming a dangerous place to be an air molecule.  _Flood comes low, cloud goes high, lightning strikes, your enemies-_

            "Hi," said Menardi as the tip of Saturos' practice blade paused at the window.  He snapped out of the battle-trance and stood perfectly still for a moment, as though a chill had come through the glass and frozen him solid.  "Do you practice like this every morning?"

            "Usually with more clothes," he managed.

            "I think the shorts are quite nice.  I'm rather surprised that the fluffy bunnies aren't at least trying to kill each other, though."

            "What are you doing here?" he demanded.

            "Heading to class.  You're late, you know."

            "Then so are you," Saturos pointed out.

            "Yes, but at least I'm dressed.  Now are you going to just stand there threatening me with wood or get a move on?  Possibly after you get a shirt on," she added.

            "I'm going already," he growled.

            "Good," said Menardi, and flashed the sort of dimpled smile that would turn citrus into solid sugar.  Fortunately, after this long, Saturos was immune to its sickening effects, though he had a healthy respect for the reactions it could get out of parents.

            He was still putting on a second sweater when he stumbled out the door into the chilly air of late Proxan summer.  The lands around them still had a thin layer of snow, but Prox itself was a patch of green, thanks to the concentrated power of Mars in the village.  It didn't stop the wind, but it made life bearable.

            "Why are _you late, anyway?  Eventually the teachers are going to start ignoring that blasted smile," he said._

            "I was practicing, like you.  I just have an idea of _when to practice, and get up early for it, instead of becoming the bushi-okeru-shotsu."_

            "I don't know what that means, but I _do_ know you've been listening to your sister too much."

            "Not quite.  That's Izuman language.  From a long way east of here, and south."

            "Whatever."  _She's right, though_, he thought.  _Maybe I could get up an hour or two earli- go to bed an hour or two later.  It's important, after all.  I'll just have to convince mom and dad…_

            "Hello?  Saturos?" asked Menardi, shaking him by the shoulder.  "Honestly, I could have run past the village edge and come back to get you with a snowball by now.  Are you even awake?"

            "Stop pestering me.  What's with you this morning?" he asked, shaking her off.

            "At least I'm staying in _this plane of existence," she countered.  Saturos didn't have anything to say to that, and so they walked in silence for a while, until the rest of their friends appeared, jogging down the street._

            "Where are you going?" Menardi demanded, glaring at her younger sister.  She glanced up and noticed Gerhalt, and the glare intensified.  "More likely, where are you taking everyone when they should be in class?"

            "Hey, don't start the fire until you check what you're burning," Gerhalt protested.  He was a year older than Saturos, but anyone who had seen Menardi practice Flare tried to keep her calm the rest of the time.  "There aren't any classes today.  All the teachers are gathering in the sanctum."

            "Really?  Why?" asked Saturos.  Karst rolled her eyes.  

            "He thinks they're picking people for that Alchemy thing," she replied, obviously not as obsessed.

            "Right now!?" Saturos yelped.  "Where?  We have to find out what's going on- I don't want to get left out!"  Karst shook her head and sighed, lamenting the existence of males.

            "I haven't seen Puelle today," Agatio added.  "Maybe he heard something we didn't."

            "He was a lot more fun before he finished training anyway," Myrilia muttered.  "Now he's always out on duty and stuff.  We never get attacked anyway."

            "It could be worse," Karst offered, trying to cheer up her friend.

            "How?"

            "He could be everywhere you go, completely inescapable, like Menardi."

            "Yeah, but at least Myri's an easier sister to deal with than you," Menardi retorted, giving Karst a light shove.  "I bet she never sewed all of Puelle's socks together into a scarf."

            "Oh, quiet," Karst grumbled.

            "Or decided that the meal he was preparing wasn't good enough and needed extra ingredients."

            "Chocolate sauce is good.  Soy sauce is good.  Chocolate soy sauce is a stroke of genius."

            "Where did the boys go?" asked Myrilia.  Noticing at last that Saturos, Gerhalt, and Agatio had vanished, Menardi looked around, and eventually caught sight of them sprinting toward the village's centre, where the sanctum stood.

            "I am so not surprised," Menardi decided.

            "What do you mean, it's locked?" Gerhalt asked.

            "It's only a few words, anyone can get it with practice," said Saturos, sarcastically.  "I mean the doors won't open.  They are barred on the other side.  People inside can keep us out, and have chosen to do so.  It's locked."  Gerhalt considered this for a moment.

            "Let me try," he said eventually, stepping up and grabbing hold of the door handle.

            "He still doesn't get it," Saturos remarked, and Agatio shook his head.

            "How about a window?" Menardi suggested, coming up behind them.  Gerhalt let go of the handle, which hadn't moved in the slightest, panting.

            "Maybe it isn't stuck," he admitted.

            "If you don't hurry up, I'm going to close this again," Myrilia called from around the corner of the building.  The Hall of Prox was the most impressive part of the village, for certain- a tall stone building nearly a hundred feet wide and more than twice that long, held strong by giant stone pillars and decorated with the history of the Mars Clan.  Every side had carven murals and lines of runes, and the pillars were more like cylindrical books than actual support.

            They found Myrilia propping a window open around the corner, and climbed through one by one.  "This window doesn't open," Agatio said as he watched Saturos scramble through.

            "Sure looks like it does," Myri replied.  "Come on."

            "I mean, I've tried it before.  It doesn't open."

            "If it didn't open, my arms wouldn't be getting tired from holding it like this.  In, already!"

            "How did you get it open?" he asked, finally relenting and climbing under the glass.

            "An undisturbed hour with a screwdriver two months ago.  Let's find the Great Healer."

            They walked as quietly as possible through the corridors that led from the meditation chamber with the open window to the main hall, though on solid stone even the slightest tap -and there were plenty- echoed for what seemed like hours.  Proxans were very adamant on the concept of locks, and being caught would not be a pleasant experience for any of them.

            Eventually the torch-lined passages ended, and they found themselves in the massive Arch Hall.  It filled two-thirds of the building, and was most notable for the stone arches that reached from the sides to the height of the ceiling.  Stands of torches lined the walls, and lanterns hung from the arches. 

            At the far end, a large dish cut into the floor contained the Caldera.  It was a giant fire, ever bright, eternally burning with all the passion that Mars embodied.  Saturos liked the Caldera, and didn't mind paying to it the sort of strict respect that the elders demanded.  It was a constant in all their lives, a reminder that there was a Mars Spirit to protect them all.

            It reminded Saturos of the cathedrals of Angara that he had seen in books on occasion, and people were expected to act in much the same way, if they were allowed in at all.  So the children crept along the wall, behind pedestals and furniture, until they could see the people gathered near the Caldera more clearly, and hear what they said.

            "How is he?" asked the captain of the guards.  The Great Healer, bent over the altar before the Caldera, was examining a person -or possibly a body- who lay still there.  Eventually, he breathed out, managing to convey relaxation in the act.

            "Puelle shall survive," the Healer replied, and Myri stifled her cry when she realised her brother was the one on the altar.  "His injuries are treated as well as I am able."

            "Can he speak?  Can he tell us what happened?" asked one of the elders of Prox.

            "If you wish, I can try to strengthen him, but don't expect too much too quickly."  The captain nodded his assent, and the Healer raised a hand.  "_Bright Glow."  Karst sucked in an amazed gasp as the Healer performed the most powerful of the Mars healing Psynergies.  Red and yellow shafts of light radiated from his palm, sweeping over Puelle several times.  Eventually his eyes fluttered open, but he could not manage to speak._

            "Here," said the Healer, raising a vessel of water to his lips, and after a few moments, Puelle's voice had recovered enough to speak.

            "The others," he wheezed.  "Where are they?  And where is Jacia?"

            The elder hesitated for a moment.  "Ordalos and Eletten are gone, Puelle.  They were too far gone when we found your patrol."  He paused for a moment.  "Jacia is missing.  We don't know what happened, Puelle.  Can you remember?"

            "…Gone…" he whispered.  "That… that monster… killed them both?"

            "A single monster?  What kind of catastrophe-" the elder began, but the Healer quieted him.

            "What sort of monster was it?" asked the captain, firmly but quietly.

            "Dragon…"

            "Impossible!  There are no dragons left on Weyard, and if there were, they would never attack a protector of the Mars Clan!" the elder insisted.

            "We have only assumed the first," the Great Healer corrected him.  "Our knowledge of the world to the south is limited at best.  And… if it were a Fusion Dragon…"

            "No!" the elder snapped.  "I cannot have anyone, even you, Great Healer, spreading rumours of a Fusion Dragon in the northlands.  They are all long dead, and whatever monstrosity slew two of our protectors, it is no reason to believe that a Fusion Dragon has somehow come into being and threatens Prox.  Send out more protectors, in double groups, and have them search the perimeter of our village constantly.  I want to know more about what's happening on the tundra.  And now I have to inform the elders from the school of our situation."  He turned to go, but Puelle wheezed again.

            "It was a dragon, elder," he said, quietly but certainly.  "I was not fooled and I do not lie."

            The elder didn't reply, just walked on, thankfully not turning his head at all as he passed Saturos' group's hiding places.  Of course, considering the looks of petrified astonishment on their faces, he might have mistaken them for statues anyway.

            "Can I do any more?" asked the captain.

            "Nothing, I fear.  He is recovering, and I shall spend the rest of the day tending his injuries.  I suggest to you deliver the elder's commands to your-"

            "I know I have to listen to him," the captain said, cutting the Healer off.  "I just wish I knew he was doing the right thing."

            "Come on," whispered Myrilia, tapping Saturos on the shoulder.  He turned, feeling stiffness from holding perfectly still, and saw that his friends were sneaking back to the corridors, back to their secret exit, and followed, glancing back only once at the Arch Hall.

            "Well frozen embers, there's a Fusion Dragon out there," Gerhalt remarked as they wandered through the streets, all slightly dazed.

            "The elder said that was impossible," Karst pointed out, unimpressed.  "And no, that doesn't mean that he's automatically lying.  Sometimes the people in power are actually supposed to be there, Ger.  They aren't always shortsighted and stubborn."

            "She reads too much," Gerhalt told Menardi.  "You've got to do something."  Menardi looked down at her sister, sizing her up for a moment.

            "Good work," she said eventually.  "Every notch we take him down means a better chance that he'll grow up."

            "I'm older than you," he protested.

            "No, you've been around longer.  So have rocks."

            "And some of that ice out there," Karst added.

            "Saturos, Agatio, help me out here."

            "No way," said Agatio.  "I'm not cold-witted enough to wade into this just to save _your_ hide."

            "Figures.  How about you?  …Saturos?  Hey, Saturos."  Despite waving his arms and calling out to person four feet away at most, Gerhalt completely failed to pull Saturos out of his thoughts.

            "Amateur," said Menardi, brushing the older boy away and moving to walk on the other side of Saturos, then started talking to Karst.  "So I went to the practice hall the other day.  You wouldn't have believed some of the fencing I saw.  There was this one guy who did a what's-it-called, Shivering Sliver- he did a full counterclockwise spin when the other guy thrust at him, twirling all the way around, and then countered with one of those back-of-the-neck Stringcutter moves-"

            "Shivering Sliver's a clockwise spin, and you're thinking of a Reaper's Touch.  The Stringcutter's aimed for the upper arm," said Saturos, apparently on autopilot, but then he blinked and came back to reality.  "You know that, don't you?"

            "Easiest way to get something wrong is to know what you're talking about.  So what've you been thinking about?  Working on a way to thaw the tundra?"

            "I was just thinking that whoever finds and stops this monster- whatever it is -is going to be in high favour when it's time to pick the people to find Sol Sanctum," he explained.

            "You're right," Gerhalt said.  "You're _right_."

            "Thanks," Saturos said, weirded out by his friend's reaction.

            "Well, that's it, isn't it?" asked the green-faced boy.

            "Uh… yeah, of course," said Saturos.  He leaned down and spoke quietly.  "Cold's getting to his head.  You get a hot-water bottle.  I'll try to take him down before he hurts himself."

            "Freeze over," Gerhalt snapped at Saturos, "I'm serious.  We should go find this thing, take it out, and then they'll _have_ to send us on the quest for Alchemy."

            "What?  You heard Puelle and the rest of them!  It killed two protectors last night, nearly got Puelle, and probably Jacia, too," Menardi raged.  "You want to go out and get killed too?"

            "Come on, it's probably just a big Pyrodra or something.  You're right, there's no way there's a Fusion Dragon around Prox," he insisted.

            "Yeah, right.  You're just trying to convince us to go with you," said Karst.

            "Seriously, how bad could it… possibly…" Gerhalt trailed off, noticing that the other quiet person was now staring at him like he was an insult to the world, not to mention flammable.

            "A big Pyrodra didn't kill Eletten and Ordalos and Jacia," Myrilia said in deathly tones.  "And how dare you even suggest such a thing!"

            "Myri, I didn't mean it like that."  Gerhalt was silent for a moment, not noticing Myrilia fuming, and heading down the slope toward Fuming.  "Wait- they found Eletten and Ordalos, but not Jacia."

            "That's what they said," Agatio agreed in a you-should-really-stop-talking voice.

            "So maybe she's still alive.  She could be out there-"

            "They'd have found her by now if she were," Saturos said.

            "-Or it took her."

            The howl of the wind filled the sudden silence with a bitter chill, slipping between the houses to steal what little warmth they had.  Eventually, slowly, Saturos said "In all the old stories, dragons do seem to take women as hostages instead of killing them."

            "Come on!" said Menardi.  "Those are stories, and it's just so that the hero can come in and rescue her anyway.  You don't really think that the storytellers were working from the way dragons actually think."  She paused, and when she spoke again, it was in a very different voice, one fragile and just touched with hope.  "…Do you?"

            "I think that we shouldn't just sit around in Prox if there's a chance Jacia's alive," said Saturos, solemnly.

            Myrilia looked like she was on the edge of tears, whether they were of sadness or anger he didn't know, but she kept them under control.  "I can't help Puelle, but I if there's anything we can do for Jacia…"

            Karst nodded.  "I'm in."

            "The hell you are," Menardi told her.

            "Are you going?"

            "Yes."

            "Then you'll _really need me."_

            "Why?"

            "Because whatever other skills the rest of you have, not to mention Gerhalt being about twice my size, all of you are absolutely pathetic at healing Psynergy.  Even if we find Jacia without getting hurt, do you want to have to worry about getting her back in time too?"

            Menardi looked to Gerhalt.  "You're right.  She does read too much."

            "Whatever.  Meet back here in ten minutes, everyone.  And then we'll see if we can get a place in the quest for Alchemy-" he caught Myri's returning glare "-by saving someone's life.  After all, it probably gets easier with practice."

            Saturos raced through the front door and to his room, giving his mother a summary of the morning so far with a few of the less legal parts cut out, such as breaking into the Arch Hall and deciding to hunt down a lethal monster without telling anyone and dragging several friends into mortal peril as well.

            "That's nice dear, but be home before it's dark!" called his mother as he ran out the door, sabre on his belt and adventuring pack on his back.

            "Where's Saturos going?" asked Helone -one of his mother's friends- sipping tea in the kitchen.

            "Oh, off to play with his friends.  Apparently there aren't any classes today," she said.

            "Taking a sabre with him?"

            "Saturos loves fencing.  Maybe a little too much, but we all have to stay strong these days."

            "He's a little _anakin, Liasha," she stated, rather severely._

            "Helone!  Don't say such things!" Liasha said, snapping a little.  She calmed a little.  "Karst is an education, isn't she?"

            "I don't think the village has ever had such widespread knowledge of Old Alchemical for decades.  But I admit I shouldn't have used the word."

            "That's all right.  I have faith in my son.  He's going to turn out just fine," Liasha stated, looking out the window.  She shot a sly look at Helone.  "If he doesn't get himself eaten by a Pyrodra first."

*****

Now go read part two!


	15. Forge a Hero: Tempering Cold : by Feonyx

And here is part two! Keep on reading, now…or else…

*****

**Forge A Hero: Tempering Cold**

                Saturos, Menardi, Gerhalt, Karst, Agatio, and Myrilia left Prox at a run, their footfalls pounding the ground a dozen times a second.  They ran with the energy of those who have heard about the excitement of adventure and aren't quite bright enough yet to understand the terror that tends to go with it.

                The Proxans' swift advance slowed around the cold-edge, the line around Prox where the Caldera's power stopped and the true cold of the decayed north had free rein.  The winds were still only chilled, not anywhere near winter's lethal gusts, but the snow never melted, and had used the many years since the lighthouse's extinguishing to build up into a serious force.

                "That's bloody cold," Gerhalt grunted, having taken a step onto what he thought was higher ground, only to puncture the surface of the snow and drive down until he appeared to be legless.

                "What, you've never been out this far?" asked Menardi.

                "Not this way.  I mean, I've gone to Mars Lighthouse like everyone else, for the summer solstice."

                "And you stuck to the path?  Run around in the snow once in a while.  Honestly, I can hardly tell we're out here," Karst insisted, trudging through snow that rose above her knees.

                "How come your teeth are chattering?" asked Gerhalt.

                "Habit."

                "Well come on," said Saturos, the farthest of the group.  "I think we have better things to do than complain about the snow."

                "Yeah, yeah, we're coming, I know.  Saving Jacia.  On it," said Karst.

                "I _meant, we're Mars Adepts.  Shouldn't we have a creative way to speed things up?"_

                Menardi and Karst exchanged glances.  Gerhalt leapt for cover.  "_Flare!_" the sisters called in unison, sending large gouts of fire racing across the ground, instantly melting them a path of soaked grass for a good distance into the white oblivion.

                "That worked pretty well," Saturos decided, wondering if the singeing he felt at that moment was anything like sunburn.  It was similar to the way the edges of toast looked if they were left over the fire for too long.

                "We should probably save Psynergy for big drifts, though," said Menardi.

                "Or defrosting the planet," Myri muttered, since her own skill with Psynergy wasn't geared toward the usual Mars fire at all.  It didn't seem to be geared toward _anything_, really.

                They continued across the tundra for a long time, heading to the northwest, where a cluster of mountains made a good hidden lair for whatever creature had attacked Puelle.  Myrilia had checked with her mother, and found that Puelle's patrols last night had been in that direction, and they all agreed if there was anything dragonlike in the north, it would probably be in the nearest mountains.

                Eventually, when they were nearing the edge of the forests that had grown up around the wind-breaking mountain range, Saturos started to wonder about Psynergy.  Karst and Menardi had obliterated everything frozen obstacle so far, even blasting apart what Agatio had sworn was a hill right until it melted.

                Saturos knew that he had a gift for swordplay that few in Prox could match, and an enthusiasm that tended to make his teachers worry and double-check the locks on the really dangerous weapon rooms.  But if he were to be Prox's champion, he would need to be able to handle anything, and against something so minor as snow, his blade did nothing, while Menardi was blazing them a trail with just her thoughts.

                He had managed to call up a little Psynergy, but had usually ended up with a headache for the rest of the day, too.  Saturos made a decision.  He was good with swords, and would keep getting better, but from now on, he would devote himself more truly to the Psynergetic arts.  He would become the hero of Prox, of Mars itself, and be invincible, immune to the attacks of any mere warrior or monster-

                It was at about this moment that one of the Pyrodra's heads grabbed Saturos by the back of his tunic and lifted him up so that the other two could start chewing on his legs.

                "Hydra!" Gerhalt shouted to the others, but he could have saved his breath, since people in Tolbi had probably heard Saturos' shout.  The sword-wielding Proxan was currently doing his best to reach around and hack at either of the two heads with free fangs, but couldn't get the right angle or reach far enough to actually cause any damage.

                "We have to get Saturos down," Myri stated to Menardi.

                "I'm a little more worried about the whole 'it's going to kill us all' aspect of this than whether or not Saturos is a little bit off the ground," Menardi replied tersely, bringing to mind the considerable store of Psynergy she had remaining..

                "She means we have to get him down or we're going to be worrying about hitting him with any Psynergy we throw at it," said Karst, sparking occasionally.  "I agree.  Are Pyrodras resistant to fire?"

                "Beats me.  Let's ask," said Gerhalt, hefting his greatsword and casting Guardian.  Faint red light wrapped itself into a shield around him.

                "Oh, I'm sure it'll be quite happy to answer all our questions.  You want to find out its favourite colour, too, maybe what sorts of allergies it has?" snapped Myri, trying to think of something that she could do to help.  No serious skill in combat, hardly any Psynergy, certainly none that would put a dent in a Pyrodra- she was just another target…

                "I meant him," said Gerhalt, gesturing at Agatio.

                "Oh.  Right," said Myri, embarrassed.  Agatio's knowledge of most monsters could make conversations with him similar to a debate with the Tome of Extraordinary Beasts.

                "Resistant to fire, weak to water, just like any sort of truly Mars-aligned monster," Agatio replied.  "They survived the freezing of the north by developing an incredibly high normal body temperature, and can use it to burn prey on contact."

                "I bet they're great in a cream sauce," said Menardi.  _Resistant to Mars power, she knew, wasn't the same as _immune_.  The striking effect of her yellow hair whipped about by the winds and the contrast from her nearly-inhuman pink skin to the inanimate whiteness of the region was heightened when trails of flame swirled from nothing and then leapt from her hand at the Pyrodra.  "_Flare Wall!_"_

                The hydra hadn't noticed her yet, as she was standing behind it.  But when a gout of fire rolled across its back, sending a massive steam cloud up from the snow, its attention was definitely drawn in her general direction.

                Saturos was swung around with its heads, but fortunately the other two had stopped trying to savage him, in light of more dangerous prey in the area.  "That was the best you could think of?" Saturos yelped, swung forward on the central head as the other two lunged to sink fangs into Menardi (fortunately, she had a head start on running).  "Make it angry?  Whoa!"

                He was jerked higher as the heads rose up, and on either side of him the Pyrodra took deep breaths.  He almost wished the middle one would, too, so that it would drop him, but when jets of fire lanced out into the snow, Saturos decided that he was probably safer where he was.

                Gerhalt swung his weapon around once as he approached the Pyrodra from the side.  It was an axe, relatively small, with a solid head of dark iron and a red leather-wrapped handle.  A loop of that leather at the bottom of the handle made it much easier to twirl as he so enjoyed doing, and had developed more than one battle routine that relied on such an addition.

                "_Fire!"  A salvo of a half-dozen minor fireballs blasted the hydra's side, causing the three heads to swing in his direction.  Weaving his arms as though he were manipulating a pair of knitting lances, the blunt side of the axe head looped around and bounced off all three heads, one after the other, then swept around and its edge scored the Pyrodra's neck scales._

                Gerhalt dropped to his back as it inhaled and muttered an oath to the Mars Spirit when the two free heads let their fiery attacks loose.  He stabbed upward into the throat of the middle head, and it gasped when the iron crumpled its hide, letting Saturos fall free.

                "Took you long enough," he wheezed, getting back to his feet.

                "_Volcano!" Menardi called., and a geyser of fire blasted up from underneath the hydra._

                "_Heat Kiss!"  Karst followed her sister's attack, but none of the others had the slightest idea what she was talking about.  Psynergy took the shape of a cloud of fiery hearts, which surprised them enough to begin with, but after the flurry washed over the Pyrodra, a faint reddish aura remained around its fangs._

                "What did you do?" Menardi demanded.

                "Uh…" Karst stuttered.  She hadn't known herself what the Psynergy did, it had simply appeared in her mind and told her to use it.  By the looks of things, she might very well have blessed the creature with extra power.

                Saturos moved next, lashing at the Pyrodra's (hopefully) vulnerable mouth.  The head he struck at did indeed screech and recoil when his blade cut in, but the other two came in around on his left.  There was a moment for him to regret that he had somehow forgotten about the other two dangers, and then they bit down-

                A moment later, Saturos noticed that his arm was still attached and none of the rest of him had been ventilated, either.  Looking down at the surprised and frustrated hydra, he noticed that its fangs were being kept from touching his skin by the red aura, which was itself a blunt and harmless thing.

                "Of course," said Agatio.  "Some Mars power gives strength to attacks or defences, Karst just mixed the two and weakened the Pyrodra's attack."

                "Brilliant insight," Gerhalt said, without a trace of sarcasm.  Yet.  "_Care to try to kill it now?!"_

                "_Rolling-" Agatio began, his arm outstretched, and then the Pyrodra's tail smashed into his ribs, crushing his breath away._

                "Fine.  _Fume!_"  Fire rolled along Gerhalt's arm, eventually leaping off the end and taking on draconian shape before exploding against the creature's side.

                "This isn't working!" Saturos yelled to the others, his sabre dancing against the Pyrodra's tough hide.  "Can't you melt it or something?"  The Pyrodra, realising that its fangs were no longer effective, took a new approach to its attacks, and wrapped one of its longs necks around Saturos.  Incredible heat rose around him as the hydra used its burning body temperature against him, as Agatio had warned it would.

                "_Meteo-" Agatio began again, but Karst tackled him to the side, saving both of them from a free head's next roasting burst._

                Myrilia was confused, but the more she tried to find an answer, the more confused she got.  The battle raging before her brought up plenty of emotions- annoyance at her inability to help, fear for her friends, and a certain relief that she wasn't seen as enough of a threat to the hydra for it to have started attacking her.  But strongest at all was a hatred for this monster that controlled Mars power… a very cold hatred.  And _that was causing some very strange things to happen in the depths of her mind._

                Saturos managed to pull an arm free, his sword with it, and stabbed at the joint of neck and body on the central head.  The tip managed to force its way between a pair of scales, and though it couldn't drive much deeper, the unexpected sting made the hydra shriek.

                "I don't know how much more Psynergy I can throw at that thing…" said Karst, weakly, and for a second Menardi almost believed that her sister really was less than thirty years old.

                "Don't worry about it," Myrilia murmured, walking between them toward the Pyrodra.

                "Myri?  What are you doing?" asked Menardi.

                "What I can," she replied, and didn't slow her pace.

                The heat was beginning to sear Saturos and the smell of smoke was rising from his thick clothes where they touched the Pyrodra's forge-hot scales.  He couldn't stab any harder, he certainly couldn't cut any deeper... what a fate for a Mars Adept, to be burnt of all things…

                "Saturos," said Myri, almost nonchalantly, "I know you're not a master Adept, but call up all the Mars Psynergy you can- you're going to want it to keep warm."

                Saturos began to laugh, though he choked, too, and it was not a laugh with any sort of humour in it.  "Warm?  Warm is the problem… aah…. AAAGH!"  The Pyrodra's scales were nearly glowing now.

                "_Frostburn!" Myri shouted, raising an arm, and knew she had found her Psynergy.  To her sight, the moment she spoke, all the heat in the world showed itself to her eyes.  Gerhalt, Agatio, Karst, and Menardi all glowed, as did the Pyrodra, especially brightly, and ever-more Saturos.  But her Psynergy was changing that._

                The Pyrodra's body heat was fantastically high, but not too much for Myrilia to handle.  It drained away, seeping into the snow, into the air, into the earth, anywhere but the hydra, anywhere but Saturos.  Slowly he realised that the burning was gone, though his injuries remained.  With a sigh of relief, Saturos opened his eyes, and a new cold surrounded him.

                "What the-" he began, and his teeth chattered.  Heeding Myri, he focused on Mars, on the power that was supposed to be in him, in that elusive Psynergy.  It didn't work so well, but it probably kept him alive.  When Myri lowered her hand at last, the hydra was stiff and covered in a thin layer of frost, while the snow for ten feet in all directions had been melted completely, and the revealed grass was steaming.

                Gerhalt swung his axe in a high vertical arc and half-chopped, half-shattered the neck around Saturos, catching him before he could fall but trying not to touch the burns.  "Karst!" Gerhalt yelled.

                "I'm coming!" she answered, running to them.  "I wish I knew Glow, but I guess none of us are in great condition anyway.  Get closer," she told the others, and the six of them nearly huddled together near the rigid hydra.  "_Aura!_"  Red lights flashed and sparks flew into all the Adepts, mending their wounds and refreshing them.

                "Karst, are you okay?" asked Agatio.  The girl swooned a little, but kept her feet.  "Too much Psynergy."  Agatio shook his head discerningly- if anything was annoying about him, it was his tendency to act like he knew at lot more than he did.  "Don't use any for a while, just rest up.  Jacia's probably going to need some of your help when we find her, too."

                During their clash with the Pyrodra, they had nearly forgotten the reason they were out here, and now it came rushing back.  Saturos, whose burns had vanished in the flurry of red stars, stood first and started towards the mountains again.  The others were only a step behind him.

                In those very mountains, the creature they sought was examining its wing.  Not so good, not after the struggle with those Proxans the night before.  Deciding not to risk things, it removed the wing and set about making a better one.

                "I don't mean to be insulting, really I don't," said Menardi.

                "Oh, well then, that makes it all better, doesn't it?" Myrilia snapped back.

                "Look, it just wasn't what I expected from Mars, okay?"

                "I have been waiting for years to find out why it is that I can't use Psynergy like everyone else, and now I've found that power that you and your sister throw about like… like snow or something, and I get _this_!"  Myri raged on.

                Since they were inside the thin forest already, and nearing the mountains, Agatio decided that he'd rather not have any more Pyrodras coming down on them, and since Pyrodras could hear a person's heartbeat at twenty-one-point-six feet away, they were currently very likely to be very lunch very soon.

                "What's the problem?" he asked, jogging a few steps to come up between and behind the girls.

                Myri was fuming, and looked to be nearly Fuming.  "I've been waiting for this day my whole life, and now-"

                "I heard that part," Agatio reported.  _So did a few Lemurians, I'm betting, he thought, but was definitely too smart to say that aloud.  "But what's the actual problem?"_

                Myri speared Menardi on a thermal-lance glare.  "She said I used Mercury Psynergy."  Myrilia held out an armfor inspection.  "Does this look like the hand of a Mercury Adept?"

                "It's okay, Myri, you're blue and we can all see that," said Agatio, patting her hand, which was (like the rest of her) the colour of a cloudy sky after the sun set.

                "She froze that hydra solid," Menardi said, helplessly, not wanting to anger her friend any further, but obviously feeling it couldn't be ignored.

                "It was still Mars Psynergy," said Karst.  That got everyone's attention; it was the first thing she had said since casting Aura.  "A long time ago, when the north was still warm, plenty of Mars Adepts could do the same thing, moving heat from one place to another.  It's just very uncommon these days, probably because there are so few of us left."

                "Hey, guys, I think I've found it!" Saturos shouted excitedly.  He was the furthest ahead, and had just sprinted lightly up a ridge in the foothills of the mountain.  The others moved quickly to join him, and as they reached the top, Saturos added, more seriously, "Although now that I think about it, I kinda hope I haven't."

                "Oh yeah.  Definitely," Menardi agreed.

                The six of them were staring at a cave in the mountain, sheltered by an overhang and sunken into a small valley, so that anyone who wasn't nearby and at the same level wouldn't have glanced at it a second time.  Possibly more importantly, it was at least fifty feet tall, and even more across.

                "Maybe it's just a cave.  No reason every cave has to have a dragon -or whatever- living in it," said Gerhalt, tried to hide the hopefulness in his voice.

                "No," said Myri.  "Look, there are broken stalactites all along the edge.  Those don't fall off for no reason- something big broke them."

                "Stone lasts forever, it could have been an earthquake a hundred years ago-" Gerhalt insisted.

                "And lots of ice shards, like maybe the cave froze over and it's been broken open recently so that something can get in… or maybe out," Agatio pointed out.

                "There's no reason that warmth last week couldn't have weakened just the wrong part of a big wall of ice and made the whole thing crack and fall in on itself," Gerhalt retorted.

                Saturos leaned forward, looking more closely at the broken ice and snow.  "I'm pretty sure that's a footprint-" he began.

                "Look, I'm trying to help here!" Gerhalt snapped, and then realised what he had said.

                "This _was your plan," Menardi reminded him, one eyebrow raised in menacingly inquisitive expression.  Gerhalt's green skin turned slightly brown when he blushed, and nodded._

                "Oh, whatever," said Saturos.  "It's my adventure and we all know it.  Let's go, or we'll never know for sure if there's anything to be afraid of or not."  He ran down the slope, across the patch of ice chunks, and into the cave.

                "Did you know it was his adventure?" asked Menardi as they walked into the shadows.

                "First I've heard," said Karst.

                "I can't help but notice that we _are_ following him," said Agatio.

                Jacia awoke to a dagger of pain driving into her right temple, blood down her arm, and one leg completely numb.  This, she classified as 'good news' quickly, along with not being dead, but only because the 'bad news' category was completely filled with the behemoth nearby.  They were in a huge cavern and she still felt cramped just being near the thing.

                There wasn't much light, but when she noticed that the creature's outline was still obvious to her, Jacia realised that it was coming from the ice itself.  Had to be Mercury Psynergy at work somewhere, no normal frozen water would shine like a moonlit lake.

                Truthfully, it wasn't all that huge.  The dragon -it had to be a dragon- was perhaps forty feet tall as it was standing right now, and some of that was a long neck.  It did have large wings, though, as well as strong clawed arms and legs, all of which faintly glowed.  They had to be covered in ice, and Jacia wondered for a moment if she wouldn't be frozen over herself eventually.

                It seemed to her like a personal ultimate hell.  She would be entombed here, locked in an icy prison for all eternity, watched over by an ice dragon, surrounded by ice and the power of Mercury.

                Jacia wasn't thinking especially clearly.  As far as she knew, Puelle and his friends were dead, and no one in Prox even knew that she was alive- they might not even have found the others by now.  It's hard to say whether or not what she did next helped Saturos and his friends, or doomed them.  This is a point where destinies turn…

                She screamed, and in that scream was all the fearful anger of a Mars Adept who believed herself dead in every way except to stop moving.  A Flare Storm exploded around her.

                The scream echoed down the tunnels of the cave until it reached Saturos and the others.  It filled them all with the terror of a great fear confirmed, and for a second they all wanted nothing more than to sprint back to Prox.

                _This is a turning point, said Mars to himself, and though they all heard, none of them noticed the words.  Saturos shook his head once, quickly, and broke into a run.  Deeper into the cave.  He half expected to be the only one to go on ahead, but then Menardi passed him, and the footfalls of the others stayed close behind them both._

                The dragon turned from its work to look at Jacia, almost confused, and certainly not happy about the shockwave of fire she had just released.  It began to focus a ray of icy power to finish her- she had seemed too badly injured to survive, the night before.

                "Oh, no you don't," Myrilia growled as they skidded and slid to a halt at the end of the cold tunnel.  "_Frostburn!_"  This time she worked in the reverse of that attack in the hydra battle, forcing warmth from anywhere she could find it into the dragon's gathering cold.

                Entirely fed up with heat, it breathed chill air at the Proxan Adepts, who were nearly overwhelmed by the sight of such a massive creature.  It seemed too huge to be real, simply unstoppable, and armored in oddly luminous ice.

                With dual crashes it slammed a claw into the walls on either side, and from them giant spears of ice grew at the Proxans, so fast they were like lances carried by knights on horseback.  Most of the kids dropped, except for Menardi, who simply took a step back and blasted both of the spears with Fire Psynergy.

                "Brilliant!" Agatio hissed sarcastically as water from the melted points splashed over them.  His clothes started to stiffen quickly, and it took some effort to unstick himself from the frosty stone.  "A very creative form of refreshment!"

                "You could help instead of making smart remarks," said Menardi.

                "At least he's talking more," Gerhalt pointed out, scrambling to his feet.

                The ice dragon began lashing at them with its ice-covered claws, making the Proxans leap and roll just to stay alive, let alone cause any damage to it.  Saturos occasionally struck at its claws while he dodged, but even his deepest cuts didn't hurt it.  In fact, he only ever seemed to slash at ice.

                Karst had made her way around the edge of the cavern and found Jacia, who was looking better after having Aura cast upon her a few times.  "What are you doing here?" she managed at last.

                "We're here to save you.  It seems to be working, too.  I'm really rather impressed," said Karst.

                "The dragon…"

                "Don't worry.  We took out a Pyrodra on the way here, you can't tell me we can't distract some big frozen lizard long enough to get you out of here," Karst assured her.  "Come on, let's see if you can stand."  But Jacia refused to go anywhere, even though with Karst's help she managed to stand upright.

                "That's not a lizard," Jacia insisted.

                "Whatever, dragon.  Let's go."

                "No, not a dragon either," Jacia went on, still slightly dazed.  "There's something very strange about it, something in its Psynergy.  Not right at all, but I can't focus well enough to see it."

                "I'll tell you what's wrong, it's a Mercury dragon.  That's about as unnatural as hot chocolate that's less than half chocolate," said Karst, trying desperately to get Jacia moving.

                It was Gerhalt who made the discovery.  Two, in fact, because it began with the rush of battle unlocking a new power in his mind.  With a triumphant call of "_Planet Diver!" he launched into the air and swept down upon the dragon with a fiery glow about him.  There was a flash at the point of impact, where he struck the dragon's left arm near the shoulder- and the entire clawed limb shattered into steaming wreckage._

                There was no wound on the dragon's side, only flat scales that looked perfectly natural.  Snarling, the monstrous reptile waved its other arm (a motion that also filled the air with cracking sounds, now that they were listening more carefully) and a blue glow erupted from its side.  A second later the glow was gone, but a chunk of ice was attached and starting to grow into what looked like an arm.

                "It's…" Myri began, and dove into her heat-sight.  Now that she looked more closely, there were patches of uneven heat, as though deathly cold parts had been attached to a slightly warmer column-like shape.  "It's a _snake_!  It's just a snake with arms and legs and wings made of ice!"

                "This is going to be tricky," Saturos remarked to Gerhalt.

                "Hot damn," he agreed.

                "Cold damn."

                "_Karst!" Menardi snapped at her younger sister._

                "I was just correcting him."

                "Not exactly a Fusion Dragon, then," said Saturos.

                "I told you there were no dragons," said Gerhalt and Menardi at the same time.

                "You were just trying to get us to come along!" Menardi snapped.

                "You would have left Jacia alone out here!" Gerhalt shot back.

                "I'm starting to think I _am alone out here, at least with sense," Jacia mumbled, staggering over to them.  Before anyone could shout 'you're okay' and tackle her, the creature that Saturos was now thinking of as the Cold Fusion Dragon finished its new arm and practically fell upon the Proxans, its fangs glistening and icy claws glittering._

                "_Heat Kiss!" Karst shouted again, her fiery hearts limning all its sharp edges with a dulling red light.  This didn't stop the dragon, which was slightly brighter than a Pyrodra, and knew that huge jaws were good for crushing, too._

                The impact of its red-lit arms slammed Saturos, Menardi, Agatio, and Gerhalt against the walls, pinned between frozen claws and struggling to escape.  With them delayed in what felt to Saturos like a highly terminal way, the Cold Fusion Dragon tried its fangs on Myrilia.  She was at a loss- there probably wasn't enough heat in all the North to call against this creature.

                Jacia, however, was older than the rest of them, and a skilled Adept at that.  With all the conviction she could muster, she raised the arm that felt less like it would fall off at any moment and shouted "_Heat Wave!"  A long blast, like a huge fireball that someone had grabbed and stretched, leapt from her arm and burned against the dragon's head, melting off its horns and scorching its hide._

                "I don't suppose you could manage a few more dozen of those," said Karst, but without waiting for an answer, started helping Jacia toward the exit from the cavern.  Menardi had managed to get in enough air to speak, and everyone knows how devastating Proxan women can be with a single word.

                "_Fireball!"  Flaming spheres rained on the Cold Fusion Dragon's arms, causing it to leap back in fear with water streaming down from its reduced limbs.  They were released just in time to see Karst and Jacia leave the cavern, and so decided to follow rather than remain to trade blows with a creature the size of a few houses._

                The dragon didn't take the time to repair itself, but instead followed them as quickly as it could through the passages, trying desperately to keep up.  More than once it breathed a jet of frost at them, only to see the Proxans dodge into an alcove or a small crevasse in the floor, letting the cloud pass them by harmlessly.

                At last they ran out from the cave's mouth and into the white-lit day of an overcast sky.  The dragon's patience was explained at last, as it stretched wings that could not possibly fly and rose above them, moving faster than any human could hope to outrun.

                "Anyone want to take those wings off?" Myrilia shouted.  Menardi and Agatio did their best, but the dragon moved too quickly, and every blast they launched sailed off into the sky.  The only visible effects were when Agatio's Rolling Flames punched small holes in the clouds for a few moments.

                "We – aren't – going to – make it – back – to Prox – like this," Gerhalt gasped, and Jacia nodded, struggling beside him and holding on for support.

                "What are you talking about?" asked Karst.  "I already healed Jacia of anything fatal-"  A column of blue slashed the ground beside them, and the snow was covered with a layer of ice like a solid, shallow river.  "Oh, right."

                "I don't think I know how to deflect Psynergy…" Menardi said, a little worriedly.

                "I don't know if Mars power even _can_," said Saturos.  "But I'm not going to let that thing stop us when we're on the final run.  Agatio, come on!"

                "Do what?" he asked, and then Saturos grabbed him by the arm and sprinted ahead.  "I need you to make it angrier."

                "_Angrier?  What, you want me to tell dragon jokes or something?"_

                "Actually, I heard the strangest one about Mars Adepts and a lantern last week," Saturos remarked, leaping on autopilot over a fallen tree, and then jumped back to reality.  "You've got to have something that's more accurate, come on."

                "Well… uh…"  Agatio looked to the others, still behind.  "Hey, guys, stop for a second!"

                "Are you insane?" Karst snapped.

                "Sounds good to me," Gerhalt wheezed, stumbling to a halt and nearly slipping on another freeze-blasted patch of ground.

                The Cold Fusion Dragon swept in again, saw that its quarry had paused to catch their collective breath, and so also took its time in preparing a blast to end the chase.  Correcting for the wind from the northwest and within its usual killed-by-sheer-cold radius, it prepared to exhale and was smacked upside the head by a giant fiery dragon shape, which then exploded.

                "WHOA!" Saturos shouted in approval.  "You didn't say you could do that!"

                "Didn't know I could," said Agatio.  "How do you like that, frost-face?  Now _that's_ a dragon!"  The Cold Fusion Dragon spiralled toward the ground for a few moments before recovering its wits.  Unfortunately, Agatio's Rising Dragon hadn't damaged its wings, and the creature was still agile in the air.  On the other hand, Saturos got its wish- the ice dragon knew who had cast the blast at it, and intended to paint the walls of its cave with his blood.

                It swooped down on them while the others got the hint and started for Prox again.  Saturos stood his ground until the last moment, then shoved Agatio down and jump, closing his eyes and hoping he caught hold of something scaly…

                The feeling of mighty winds trying to take him apart like the layers off an onion was Saturos' first hint that he had managed to hold onto the Cold Fusion Dragon.  He opened his eyes, blinked off the layer of frost that immediately formed from the tears the wind caused, and decided he'd have to do this by feel.

                Slowly the young swordsman crawled from the creature's side to its back, which wasn't really any better, except that both his ears started to feel equally like icicles being driven into his head.  He risked a quick glimpse and saw that they were about halfway between Prox and the cave.  Not good enough.  He'd need other Mars Adepts' help to take this thing down, and couldn't wait for them to run this far.

                The dragon was angry enough at being seared by Agatio's last burst of Psynergy.  When Saturos stabbed it in the back of the neck -though its scales were similar to the Pyrodra and he couldn't drive the blade far- that didn't improve things.

                Saturos felt rather proud of himself when the dragon swung its head around to snap at him, and in doing so accidentally veered to the right.  He swung to the side and it twisted around the other way to try to grab him, causing it to turn around again.  Pleased by his ingenuity in steering, Saturos managed to weave his way farther and farther toward Prox, and didn't lose any limbs as he did so.

                The whole time, a strange humming started in the back of his mind, building as it flew and he rode.  Saturos had never quite felt anything like it before, but when they cruised past the edges of the Adept city, he recognised one small part of the sensation.  It was like those times when he managed to use Psynergy, if not precisely the same…

                _This is the way.  This is the only way.  The words repeated in Saturos' mind, as though they were trying to reassure him, though he couldn't imagine what he had to be reassured of.  He didn't know what Mars was planning._

                The dragon began releasing its cold-breath on the buildings as they flew by, instantly creating a dome of ice covering the roofs of more than one house, and turning the open grassy space at the city's centre into a skating rink.  
                Somehow, even with Psynergy ice-wings flapping on either side, a dragon twisting underneath, and high winds making a valiant attempt to flatten him into a kite, Saturos managed to stand on the dragon's back.  Not for long, but for just enough.  He raised a hand.

                "_Break!"_

                It might have disturbed Saturos to know that he was channelling Mercury power, but at that moment, watching the creature's forged parts explode into a million times as many parts as there were stars in the sky, the main thought in his head was: _Whoa.  I gotta find out how this works._

                Then everything went to hell.  There was more whipping wind, this time in a highly vertical direction that terrified him more than the sight of the creature's ice breath.  Then his lungs were bashed empty by the impact, which was a lot softer than he expected.

                Saturos scrambled out of the massive snow drift he had created by Breaking the dragon's armor just in time to see it crash- into the Hall of Prox.  The giant silver-blue serpent froze the side of the building, but that wasn't nearly enough to save it.  The wall shattered, and the serpent crashed down to earth again.  Almost.

                It crashed into the Caldera, and red light blazed from the ruined hall.  The white clouds overhead rolled like a thunderstorm was beginning, but they didn't last long.  The Caldera itself seemed to leap into the air, Mars' own finger stretching into the sky.  The clouds vanished, or fled to the horizon, the flame died out, and all that remained was the blackened skeleton of a terrible beast.

                Saturos was aware that the other Proxans were gathering around him, equally astonished by what had just happened.  He wondered vaguely what they would do to him for destroying the Caldera… oh Mars, he had put out the eternal fire…

                _It was the only way.  The words echoed in his head again._

                "There you are," said the elder, parting the crowd and striding over to Saturos.

                "Menardi, and Karst, Gerhalt, Agatio, Myri… and Jacia, we found Jacia, they're all outside the city, to the northwest, they'll need help, you have to help them, oh, please, I didn't mean to do that, I didn't know it would happen," Saturos babbled.  The elder pointed at a few Proxans and indicated that they should make themselves useful finding the other children.

                "Come with me," said the elder.  

                "He's toast," he heard someone whisper, though not quietly enough.  Saturos followed in silence out of the hushed murmurs of the crowd, to the smaller Proxan sanctum, and into the elder's private chambers.  He motioned for Saturos to take a seat by the fire, and did so himself.

                "Well, then, we'd best get started.  If you're going to light the four Lighthouses and save Weyard, you're ruddy well not going to do it with Mercury Psynergy," said the elder.

                "What?  But I just-" Saturos began, shocked.

                "That will sort itself out in time.  Be thankful I dragged you away before anyone could start berating you.  Just try to look chastened when you go home later, and we won't need to speak of it again."

                "The Caldera-"

                "Wouldn't have been extinguished if Mars didn't think it should be so.  Now, let's see about something simple.  Flare, perhaps.  And not a word about how tired you are, if you can't learn when you're tired, you're not the one we want after all."

                "He was right," Saturos wheezed, ten years older, standing on the slopes of Mount Aleph.  Rain pelted down around him, and Menardi was standing nearby.  The trees provided little shelter, but were better than nothing, and he would even take rain happily now, compared to the forces unleashed inside Sol Sanctum.  If he would ever be happy again.

                "Who was?" asked Menardi, clutching her bleeding arm.

                "The elder.  Back in Prox, on the day I killed that ice dragon.  He said the Caldera wouldn't be extinguished if there wasn't a purpose.  There was.  Mars wanted to show us that we were becoming complacent.  That we couldn't afford to stay home."

                "Maybe it would have been better if we did," she said, and choked.

                "Gerhalt and Myri," Saturos sobbed, though he looked back at the mountain with only fury in his eyes..  "And Jacia… maybe you're right, Menardi.  But I won't let this be the end of it."

                "We've lost them, Saturos, there's nothing we can do."

                "I know.  But for them, if nothing else, I swear I will find the secret to Sol Sanctum."

                "You won't be alone," Menardi promised.

                Saturos only nodded, and would have fought to keep control if he didn't realise that his tears would hardly make a difference in the torrential storm.  "We'll be back."

                "Those two kids back there… do you think maybe we shouldn't have…"

                "Trust me, Menardi, we did them a favour by knocking them out.  Otherwise they'd end up like us, a couple of people losing friends a long way from home."  Menardi stepped beside him and took his hand, just because neither of them wanted to think about being alone right now.

                "We'll be back," she agreed.


	16. Woe is I: Adventures in Literature : By ...

The Golden Sun One-Shot Panoply 

By: *sighs* This is the last time:

Currently: Triad Orion, Midnight C, Akiko, Vilya, Feonyx, Shiro Amayagi, Kadevi chan, Griffinkhan, Jupiter Sprite, Azusasan, Kyarorain, Yoshimi Takahashi, Dragon Empress, Alexditto.

To be added in near future: Vyctori

Yet to be Sent to my Inbox: Elena, Village Idiot, Omniflyer (there may be others here).

And will the owner of the email riddle_me_that_batman@hotmail.com please re-send their submission as an attachment and put their author name in there so I know who you are. Thanks!!

And also thousands upon thousands of thanks to all the reviewers!

Now…this story is a bit…well, it's in the usual Alexditto style. And the thing at the end is very funny, too. So get to reading!

*****

Special story for the One Shot Panoply

Woe is I

Adventures in literature

By Alexditto

_This is so boring._ Jenna rolled her eyes while looking at the sky. Giant, puffy white clouds rolled by, bumping into other clouds and forming shapes that reminded Jenna of things she was not doing. _That one's a phoenix; that one looks like a campfire; a giant flame dragon; Garet's head_ _maybe? This is so boring. _She shifted her position on the grass, rolling over on her side. She saw a miniscule black ant, crawling between the tall leaves of grass, weaving in and out between blades. Not seeming to know where it was going, it wandered close to Jenna's outstretched hand. _What am I accomplishing? Absolutely nothing. I'm now hours closer to my death. Yet I have nothing to show of it. But do I ever have anything to show of my life? The ability to make something burst into flame. Wow. Big deal. The ability to make larger somethings burst into flame. _ She snickered to herself, then continued to watch the ant as it came across others of its kind. They briefly touched, examining each other with their tiny feelers. They continued on their separate ways. _I wonder if I can set it on fire...._ She pushed the thought out of her head.  

Jenna lifted herself off the ground and attempted to brush the grass off her scarlet cloak. _There must be something to do somewhere around here. _

She slowly made up her mind to walk toward her house, hoping that something would happen on the way. _Perhaps a giant dragon will attack me, or try to destroy the town. At least it would give me something to do._ She laughed quietly, thinking of the hundreds of dragons she had defeated on her quest. _I could take 'em. _

A gust of wind tousled her hair. Realizing her stupid thoughts, she became very annoyed with herself. Jenna was once again wasting a day in a spectacular fashion. With no chores to do, no Psyenergy to practice, and no feasts coming up, she had decided to eat some breakfast, and go outside to enjoy the weather. 

The weather wasn't as entertaining as it used to be. 

She crossed one of the bridges that spanned the river, and walked down the dirt brown stairs that had been carved into the small cliffs years ago, trampled and compacted by the feet of mice and men. 

Approaching her house, she viewed Felix lying on the ground upside-down. His brown hair was spread out over the dirt, and he was only wearing his running shirt today. He was reading a tiny book with a picture of a mouse on it. The juxtaposition making him look awkward, Jenna almost laughed before remembering her annoyance. 

"Felix, let's do something. How about cards?" 

"Not now, Jenna. Got to finish Mossflower before the next book comes out." Felix replied without looking up. He flipped the page and continued to read, despite his sister's whining. 

"But Felix! It is such a nice day out! Come on, don't you want to... oh, never mind." Jenna stormed off. Felix looked up briefly and shrugged. Jenna could be annoying sometimes. 

The Mars adept walked up another flight of stairs, crossed back over the river, and climbed once more, finally reaching Isaac's house, the lush, bright green grass making a soft crunching noise under her feet. She stopped for a moment to catch her breath. 

She burst into the room, and seeing Isaac sitting at the small wooden table in the middle of the room, she called out. "Isaac! Come on, let's go fishing!"

Isaac, his bright azure eyes glued to the page, pointed. Jenna followed his direction to a sign posted on the wall, on which was printed legibly in block letters: "Can't do anything. Must read Lord of the Rings for the thirty-fourth time before watching movie."

Jenna sighed and shook her head. "Lost cause," she said to herself. She walked back out the door, into the bright sunlight. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust. After a few seconds of squinting, she decided to visit the Psyenergy stone. There were bound to be people there. She ran, past her house, past the shops and the in. From the upper level of the city, she spotted Picard and Mia, both sitting on the Psyenergy stone. _They might be doing something_. As she approached, she overheard their conversation. 

"My dear Othello!" Mia cried, lifting the arm not holding a stack of papers into the air and looking at Picard.

"It gives me wonder great as my content  
To see you here before me. O my soul's joy!  
If after every tempest come such calms,  
May the winds blow till they have waken'd death!  
And let the labouring bark climb hills of seas  
Olympus-high and goose again as low--" Picard stopped abruptly, checking his script. 

"It's 'duck again as low,' not goose." Mia scowled at him as he blushed. 

"Sorry Mia. Let's start that quote again."

"You know, Isaac isn't going to go for the part where you have kiss me. I'm not really thrilled about it either." Mia said, her pale skin turning a rosy hue. 

Picard blushed as well, and they both started laughing hysterically, trying not to fall of the oddly shaped stone. 

"Shakespeare? Yeech!" Jenna stormed off, disgusted. _Why must they always pick the days that I want to do something for practicing their play?_ she asked herself. _Well, looks like I'm left with the midgets or the oaf_. 

Jenna knew that she'd find Ivan and Sheba together on some tall hill, probably whipping up windstorms. She raised her hand above her head as a particularly strong gust blew past. "From the east," she concluded. She squeezed past some trees and edged across a particularly thin ledge, finally reaching a clearing with a tall hill in the middle. On top were Ivan and Sheba. She raced up the hill, reaching the top only to find both wind adepts reading the same book. "Gone with the wind?" Every few minutes, both adepts would laugh at the exact same time, both turning the page with such synchronicity that Jenna knew the both must be linked up. She stamped her foot in frustration. Neither wind adept seemed to notice, their eyes looking glazed. 

Jenna slid down the mountain, burning the blades of grass under her feet in her frustration. She almost toppled over Garet, who was sitting at the base of the hill. 

She regained her composure swiftly. "Garet, sweetie, let's go off somewhere... romantic."

"Not now, Jenna. I'm trying to finish 'Pride and Prejudice.' It is really good."

"Garet…"

"I mean, Mr. Darcy is about to get married—"

"GARET! COME WITH ME NOW!" Jenna yelled, rage building. 

"Oh man, do I have to?" He looked up at her with pleading eyes.

But Jenna had snapped. Her eyes burned a brilliant red as she shot off pyroclasm after pyroclasm, burning the grass on the side of the hill to a brown crisp. Poor Garet's hair, as well as Mr. Darcy, were burnt into a tiny pile of ash. Jenna stormed away, as the now bald Garet tried to figure out where he could get another copy of the book. "Maybe Kraden will have one."

Jenna stormed off into the surrounding forest, mad at everyone for doing stuff without her, mad at Garet for wanting to read the book rather than be with her, and finally, mad at books in general. 

"It's so stupid! They're just sitting there, reading their book, getting nothing done!" she shouted into the forest. "It isn't fair," she said helplessly. She finally found one of the bigger trees in the forest, and sat down between its roots. The ground around the tree was covered with moss, and tiny mushrooms had started to grow in the older parts of the bark. From here, the sky was almost invisible, but she could tell that it was going to rain. _Oh well_, she thought. _At least the trees will provide some shelter._

It began to drizzle, and the forest grew dark with the oncoming storm. The tiny drops of water fell on the leaves above her, producing soothing sounds. Jenna fell into a light sleep under the tree. 

Suddenly, she heard a crackling noise. It was coming from behind her. "Who's there?" she called. 

The rustling continued. Jenna jumped up, and realized she had left her staff at home. _I'll just have to fight fire with fire. _She braced herself, not sure why any sort of monster would be in the woods around Vale. 

Finally, something pulled itself out of the bush. "By Mars! What is that?"

A book, ragged and torn at the edges had slowly pulled itself out of the shrub, by what means Jenna had no idea. Its cover was blood red, embossed in gold that had long ago faded. The pages squeezed between the covers were yellow with age, and splotched with dirt. It pathetically attempted to open itself, but failed and fell shut. It cried out in a weak, high-pitched voice, and tiny scream that rang in Jenna's ears. 

The rain grew heavier. 

Giant drops of water splashed into Jenna's face as she ran. She knew not why she ran, nor where to. But as did, the forest got darker, the trees thinner and thinner until they finally stopped appearing. She thought to look back, and see what was behind her, but her mind screamed at her not to. She was running into blackness and nothing, when suddenly, a figure appeared to her left. His blue cape and dull rust red hair billowed in the howling wind, but he was not running. Jenna continued to sprint, trying to get away from the strange man, but she seemingly got nowhere. 

He began to laugh. "Jenna, Jenna. When will you learn?" He pointed strait ahead, as to direct her attention. Jenna looked forward, still running, and saw her friends, all laughing, together in a group. "Your friends love being with you, but you can't expect them to always do what you want. Make your own entertainment!"

"I... I just wanted to be with my friends!" Jenna slowed. 

"I think you could do with some alone time once and a while. And give your friends a break. They love you beyond all measure, but they could use some time without you." The man in a blue cape began to grow faint. Jenna rubbed her eyes. 

"Where are you going? I still don't know who you are!" She yelled at him. 

He slowly disappeared into the blackness. Jenna stopped running, and looked behind her. "What the…" 

Her djinn were running after her, all carrying little books. 

"Hey Jenna!"  

"Are you alright?"

"Nice dream!"

"Dream?" Jenna asked, looking confused. 

"Well, duh!" Reflux responded. "What did you think it was?"

At that Jenna woke with a start. She was sitting under the giant tree, surrounded by moss and grass. _A dream? How weird,_ she thought to herself. She got up before noticing a tiny black ant crawling along the surface of the tree she was sitting under. She slowly walked in the direction of Vale, and as the sun streamed through the tall, emerald trees, tiny specks of water danced in the beams of light. 

Jenna returned home through the village, passing through the tiny paved market place. It was eerily empty, yet all of the lights inside houses were on. Upon entering her home, see saw all her friends sitting around the table in the middle of the room. 

"Jenna! We're going to play Go Fish again. This time we forced Ivan and Sheba to just watch. Want to join us?" 

Jenna smiled. "Sure." _Finally, some time with my friends. But after the game, maybe I'll go upstairs and read for a little while. _

Picard dealt out the cards as the group talked and laughed together, happy they all had such good friends. 

*********************************************

Little tiny note: For Shiro, who helped me get this story out of my head and onto the word processor without the use of scalpels. 

Here is a blue mage. 

Blue mage: Hello. 

He appeared and took the book's Level Five Death spell, died, re-awoke (thank you, Angel Rings), and ran off screaming happily.

Blue mage: Whoosh! Muahahahahahahahahaha!

For you, Shiro. 


End file.
